...to wish DD's boyfriend wasn't so good looking?

[ItWasntMeOnTheCounter]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. They've been together for about a year, and are completely smitten - adore each other, have really compatible senses of humour, just "get" each other, etc. They are each other's first partners. I really like BF - he's kind, open and sweet.

BF is good looking in a way which tends to get really noticed - he's been approached repeatedly by modelling agencies, and recently he's been considering whether he should sign up to one. DD very supportive of whatever he wants to do, of course.

Anyway... I can't help worrying and thinking that very good looking males tend to portend heartache. AIBU to think it's possibly going to make things really hard on the relationship? I'm not intending to do DD down with this post - she's beautiful, and she's clever, and funny, and generally fantastic. But looks have never been much of a "thing" in our family - generally, we're quite ordinary looking (although I think DD much better looking than DH or I ever were) and talents lie elsewhere.

I know it's really unusual that a relationship is for the long run anyway at 17, so feel mildly ridiculous writing this post, but they're both currently so serious about the relationship and DD wants and considers it to be the "real thing". Also - DH and I met at 15 and are still together 30 years later, so....

AIBU to worry about it?!

Too late to worry about it, they're already crazy about each other.
I think there would be more of a worry if he had a teen movie type makeover and suddenly became beautiful when he took his glasses off and had a hair cut. He's always been "good looking" so no danger of people who would previously have been out of his league chasing him and him deciding he could upgrade. The modelling thing would introduce him to more people but so would going to uni or getting a job.
The chances of it lasting long term are low regardless, everyone changes massively as they grow up, it's just chance if you happen to remain compatible as you both change.

Just when I thought I have heard everything.

Funny trough I didn’t realise that personality was solely based on looks. I guess that also means that money makes you well educated and smart, elite sorts are onky down to genes and people I power are all intelligent.

This is literally the dumbest thing I have ever heard a parent be worried about.

OP do you honestly think good looking people wander around all day thinking they are gorgeous and thinking about how the can be dicks? Give your head a wobble.

It all depends on the way he has been brought up, are his parents still together etc? Sometimes good looking ppl are better in relationships as they are more happy with themselves, less bitter etc

Always quite flirty ime and think they are Gods gift

dd went out with one, so full of himself

DD’s boyfriend was good looking to the extent that not only did females literally try to push her aside in clubs, but he got hit on (and worse) by many men.

she dumped his sorry arse a couple of months ago after 7 years together. For all but the final 6 months, they were really happy together.

Anyone, whatever their looks, can become a twat in a relationship and she certainly wasn’t going to hang on to him for his looks.

I do agree that the modern world is very different, with people choosing to meet someone based on a photo. In the old days you'd meet and talk to several people on a night out. Now it seems like catalogue shopping.

I'd rather have my heart broken by a hottie than an ugly bugger xD.

I actually think we gaslight teens that teenage love isn't the real deal. I think my strongest feelings for anyone were at 17. Or, close second at least. But I wish mine had been a beautiful romance. Even if i ended up being heartbroken at least...'to have loved and lost' and all that.

Maybe it will end painfully. But it could do do for many many reasons. That doesn't mean the love was a bad thing. Hurt and heartbreak are part of life. Might as well come from something sweet.

Sorry OP but you're being a bit daft. Being good looking doesn't make someone any more likely to cheat or treat their partner badly. You say he's kind, open, and sweet, so he sounds like a nice boy, try not to worry too much. 🙂

No one treats you worse than an ugly-mid man with ego issues.

This thread is very weird. Imagine wishing your DD had a more unattractive partner.

I got my heart broke by a very ugly man 🙈 but his humour was absolutely amazing and it’s what made us click!

I'd rather have my heart broken by a hottie than an ugly bugger xD.

I was so outraged when my “ugly” broke my heart 😂 It definitely dented my ego. I’m not conceited but Im conventionally attractive and was a model in my younger days - he’s like, a four. It turned out he was married (I had no idea) and his wife was a really good looking woman too.

He was just really, really good at ensnaring women or something. It was weird how much of a grip he got on me, even though afterwards I realised how much he had said was lies. He was like some kind of master manipulator.

I had plenty of options when I was younger, lots of men tried it on but I still stuck with my DH. Other women tried it with my DH too. Good looking people have always had lots of options, it doesn't mean that they can't fall in love and commit to one person.

I think at 17 this is the kind of thing it's understandable to worry about because you see your DC start having relationships and you know how easy it is to get hurt. But it's also the kind of thing where you have to let go and let them make their choices. It's all part of the risk of having relationships, and is the reason a lot of people do end up with someone of a similar "league", but being fabulously good-looking (whether male or female) doesn't always mean a person will be less committed. And as PPs have said plenty of men cheat or behave badly who aren't good-looking at all.

I think you have to put it down to totally natural protective feelings that you need to rein in as they get older. I'm always fretting about my very independent 20yo DS - my younger teen DD puts me right and tells me he has do to his own thing.

Yes YABU and very weird tbh.

The points gone over your head.

My daughter met her husband in year seven. She is a doctor, he is a pharmacist, they are both 31years old, never dating anyone else. They are very happy together....sometimes things just work out, don't worry about it, what will be, will be .

I've found the less attractive men to be the worst, from my own experience.

They either seemed to think they were better than they awere and could do better, and so go went off the moment anyone else paid them attention, or so insecure they assumed I wanted to going to go off with someone else.

Attractive men were much more fun to be with, and yes, I ended up staying with an attractive man.

I have never been dumped by an ugly man. But then I doubt I would ever think of someone I was attracted to enough to date as ugly.

This. "pretty privilege" is a thing. He will be treated differently in his life, especially if he progresses into modelling. He may have been of "good character" until now because he hasn't had crying girls camped outside his Mum's house, desperate for a glimpse of him? This sort of thing changes people.

And yes, "ugly" breaks hearts too but whether it's fame, money, looks or sporting prowess (Rooney, is a classic example), they will be given extra attention and repeatedly forgiven for their transgressions by some women.

Who knows what may happen, just make sure your DD has the character to walk away if he starts to mess her about!

When I was around your dd age , I met a boy who was the same age as me . He was extremely good looking , we dated for around 6 months and he started talking about engagement ( I laugh about it now ) we were in love blah blah .
Except unknowingly to me he was also going around our line managers house ( women in her late 30s , just old enough to be his mum ! ) and spending nights there .
I even used to notice an occasional love bite on her neck .
Needless to say that was the end of him .I

Hopefully your dd bf is good looking and kind .
who knows what will happen , it might even be it's your Dd that dumps him .

Anecdotal, but I’ve dated ugly men and gorgeous men. The gorgeous men were not the ones who cheated.

Looking around the Panto today I can tell you now some ugly men are deffo punching.

Why do you think it will end in heartache ? DH and I were 15 when we became a couple and 66 years later we still are .

Hm... I think I know where you are coming from, but it's unusual to hear it as parental concern.

At 16 my then BF told me he kind of wished I was fat and ugly. He would love me the same, and I would stay with him because I would have less choices and confidence. And that if he died on me, it would ensure that I would remember him forever.

And another guy at 18 kept our relationship platonic, because he was sure I wouldn't stay with him, so what was the point.

Both were right, I wasn't anywhere close to commitment - and even less so with them. I preferred dating guys my age where I felt as an equal partner with equal say to avoid getting smitten by someone a bit older who would know how to charm me and stop me from making my own choices.

In my early 20s I had the best looking boyfriend I had ever seen in my entire life (and realistically I'm not sure I've ever met someone better looking since). However, he absolutely despised cheating. He ended a very close long term friendship with someone who cheated on their partner. I could 100% trust him not to cheat. Lots of girls paid him attention when we were out but I never felt worried because of how he was.

He was a complete poser though and loved his own reflection. I couldn't see it working out long term because of how much attention he paid to himself vs me. One day he made an unforgivable mistake and that was the end of things.

So being good looking in and of itself is no bad thing. It depends on the person behind it.