...to wish DD's boyfriend wasn't so good looking?

[ItWasntMeOnTheCounter]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. They've been together for about a year, and are completely smitten - adore each other, have really compatible senses of humour, just "get" each other, etc. They are each other's first partners. I really like BF - he's kind, open and sweet.

BF is good looking in a way which tends to get really noticed - he's been approached repeatedly by modelling agencies, and recently he's been considering whether he should sign up to one. DD very supportive of whatever he wants to do, of course.

Anyway... I can't help worrying and thinking that very good looking males tend to portend heartache. AIBU to think it's possibly going to make things really hard on the relationship? I'm not intending to do DD down with this post - she's beautiful, and she's clever, and funny, and generally fantastic. But looks have never been much of a "thing" in our family - generally, we're quite ordinary looking (although I think DD much better looking than DH or I ever were) and talents lie elsewhere.

I know it's really unusual that a relationship is for the long run anyway at 17, so feel mildly ridiculous writing this post, but they're both currently so serious about the relationship and DD wants and considers it to be the "real thing". Also - DH and I met at 15 and are still together 30 years later, so....

AIBU to worry about it?!

Ha a friends son looks like a Greek god and is a devoted and lovely boyfriend. Ugly men can be awful too!

Op, are you jealous? 🤣

Only joking! I get your worries but handsome men are not necessarily bad.

Oh, and the “ugly” one who broke my heart also turned out to be the biggest womaniser - he had charm in bucketloads though.

Do you have a crush on him? That’s what I’m getting from this post. It’s either nonsense thread or it’s true and you are lusting over a child.

Why overthink something so shallow? If OP's DD and her BF are happy, it is not for anyone else to worry about either of their looks. Anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

FFS. There's always one....

No looks doesn’t make a difference to how you are treated, besides, he’s a young man and he could look totally different in 10 years, let her enjoy him for now, at their age it’s not expected to last long term anyway.

Yep. I had my heart broken by a very charismatic but ugly man. He’s a 3/10 and I’m probably a 7. Was way more upset than break ups with much better looking men.

Anyway tbh I feel the Mumsnet idea of good looks is somewhat ‘fashion’ but not real life. When posters talk about their ‘stunning daughters’ the daughters are striking, tall and angular, fashion model material but not really the type young men find sexually appealing. Same with the sons - being a 6ft beanpole with great cheekbones and long hair might make mum proud, but it’s not really a look that leaves girls weak at the knees.

Ha ha it does have a bit of the high school catfish vibe 😲

Your friend’s husband was not in his prime in this generation, where social media platforms like Instagram for example is treated the same as any other of the numerous dating apps out there.

This is the problem young people are facing these days. It’s why they’re not settling down as early as your generation (if at all). They have too much choice.

If your friend and her husband met young in today’s world there’s a very high chance they would not have married, or even chose each other

Same here.

My ex treated me like absolute garbage and was very average looking.

My husband could have been a model when younger and is still very classically good looking now in his 40s. He adores me, would do anything for me and is a fantastic dad.

Looks have nothing to do with character - that's a very lazy stereotype

As someone whose now adult DC have 1) DS- broken lots of hearts and 2) DD - had her heart broken several times, you need to just let them enjoy their relationship here and now.

The likelihood of it lasting until they are old is slim. Sorry but true.

dont worry OP, I’ve had my heart broken by some incredibly ugly men 😂

No this isn’t funny, this thread is seriously weird.

Not so stealth boast incoming - my DS is tall, strikingly good looking, earns a fortune and has as occupation where even the least attractive men are showered with female (and male) attention. He's been with his girlfriend since they were 17 and is still totally besotted with her, he's lovely and thinks his colleagues who regularly cheat on their partners are 'knobs'.

I understand your concerns, but it's about character not looks.

Even if you were being reasonable - which you ain't - what do you intend to do, apart from nurture a worry about it?

...'it' being "these teenagers might split up one day, and he's good-looking which...umm...seems relevant somehow...because..well....I mean...it'll be..er...I dunno....but it's just worrying, isn't it?"

Thanks, all. Interesting to read responses to this.

I think the statistics are on the side of anxiety for this, but statistics are just statistics....

Anyway - this has livened up my first day back at work after Christmas, as well as putting my overthinking back in its box. Thanks again!

I think what I've concluded here is that DD being in love, whilst it's lovely, makes me a bit nervous because of potential for heartbreak - and I've pinned that on this particular thing, because people seem to talk about it a lot. But the focus is actually kind of irrelevant, and we all need to get on with our days 😂

I agree with OP to some extent. If the bf does go into modelling he will undoubtedly be mixing with some of the most attractive people around. It's like actors (male or female). Most of them who marry "ordinary" people beforehand, almost invariably end up marrying someone from showbiz. They're propelled into an unreal environment with unrealistically attractive people all around them. They also have more in common with each other.

I think people are being mean OP, you are just worried about your girl & although we have to keep quiet & stay out of our children's relationships it is hard! As a lot of people say it's unlikely to last long-term but we never know, I've been with my partner since I was 17 & I my friend has also been with her partner since she was 17 (both almost 30 years together) so it's not unheard of.

As the mum of a 17yo girl, I worry about the emotional fall out when her relationship inevitably ends but they seem solid and good for each other right now so I ignore that and will step in and support her when needed. How attractive the partner is is a weird thing to focus in on.

Aww, first love. Just don't worry! Let them enjoy it for what it is, chances are they will go their separate ways, esp when finish college etc.

Picture of him please so we can judge

My nephew is very good looking. He's been approached to model as well, but isn't interested in the slightest. He had a few girlfriends in his teens & early 20s, nothing OTT. He's in his 30s now with a very responsible job, married to a beautiful lass and they have DC, also beautiful. He still gets a lot of attention, but it hasn't affected him.

Not all beautiful people are shallow and self-serving.

I think there is more risk of heartbreak when dating an above averagely handsome man. The guys I've known like this were more likely to cheat as they get more opportunity to do so than the average bloke.