...to wish DD's boyfriend wasn't so good looking?

[ItWasntMeOnTheCounter]

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. They've been together for about a year, and are completely smitten - adore each other, have really compatible senses of humour, just "get" each other, etc. They are each other's first partners. I really like BF - he's kind, open and sweet.

BF is good looking in a way which tends to get really noticed - he's been approached repeatedly by modelling agencies, and recently he's been considering whether he should sign up to one. DD very supportive of whatever he wants to do, of course.

Anyway... I can't help worrying and thinking that very good looking males tend to portend heartache. AIBU to think it's possibly going to make things really hard on the relationship? I'm not intending to do DD down with this post - she's beautiful, and she's clever, and funny, and generally fantastic. But looks have never been much of a "thing" in our family - generally, we're quite ordinary looking (although I think DD much better looking than DH or I ever were) and talents lie elsewhere.

I know it's really unusual that a relationship is for the long run anyway at 17, so feel mildly ridiculous writing this post, but they're both currently so serious about the relationship and DD wants and considers it to be the "real thing". Also - DH and I met at 15 and are still together 30 years later, so....

AIBU to worry about it?!

Lol the panto! Hope you had a good time! anyway, ill agree you do see a lot of men punching but its less common the other way round IME

If we ignore the fact they’re 17 and are unlikely to stay together I’ve found the best looking people I’ve known tend to be the opposite and don’t seek the validation.

Sorry I was meant to quote this post!!! Lol the panto! Hope you had a good time! anyway, ill agree you do see a lot of men punching but its less common the other way round IME

I am a decidedly average looking 40ish year old man, and I have had plenty of opportunities to cheat on DP had I wanted to over the last 20 years or so. What's stopped me is the fact that I don't want to, not what I look like.

You're being absolutely ridiculous @ItWasntMeOnTheCounter . If your DDs boyfriend wants to cheat, he'll cheat. The number of women throwing themselves at him won't change that. In fact, if he's getting hit on all the time, then it's probably less likely to be a massive ego boost when it happens, which is the reason I reckon most people start affairs in the first place.

Your character is most likely shaped based on the fact that you’re not good looking and of another generation where the norms and values were vastly different. Older people are underestimating the difference in mindset of young people growing up in this generation.

Don’t compare yourself to a good looking Gen Z model. It is yourself who is sounding rather ridiculous.

It’s about character not looks. A friend of mine married a bloke in the 80s who was the best looking out of all the mates. She’s a plain woman. It was her who jacked him in and ran off with someone else. Now on her third husband.

Absolutely. My most beautiful friend (have genuinely seen men bump into things due to staring at her in the street) was cheated on and had her heart broken by a very average looking man.

It hasn't. You're making the assumption people have more options now there is the online world. They don't, people were out more and actually talking to each other prior to social media. Additionally, more options do not mean more likely to cheat/leave. As PPs have said, it's more often those not used to the attention who can be easily flattered when they are shown some attention.

You're making the assumption people have more options now there is the online world

😂 it’s not an assumption, it’s reality

Additionally, more options do not mean more likely to cheat/leave

That’s the second statement you’ve made which has convinced me that you’re naive to the modern world. Nevermind can’t be bothered to debate you further.

In my fairly wide experience back in the day, the absolutely gorgeous blokes were absolutely no different from the average, and in quite a few cases seemed unaware of their fabulousness!!!

It's not. Online connections don't often go anywhere. However, a quick drink in a pub in the 90s/early 00s presented several realistic options right there in front of you.
Are you in a relationship? If so is that only because you and your partner don't have lots of other options?

If you’ve ever been on the Are We Dating The Same Guy? FB group, you’d see how some very average blokes are still capable of treating women like shite. It’s often the insecure ones you want to watch.

That said, you might not need to worry about this relationship after the first term of uni is out

Honestly I've met loads of ugly men with very attractive partners who seem besotted with them and then cheat on them.

Likewise I've seen lots of attractive men with women throwing themselves at them who stay faithful. It's about the person, not their attractiveness. I wish I knew when I was younger than an unattractive man is just as likely to cheat, so you might as well date someone super good looking.

My very beautiful friend (often stopped to be complimented, always approached by men, has built a following of approx 30k online by being beautiful) was cheated on by a man who looked like Quasimodo. Literally. I wish I could post a photo of him because the entire time nobody could understand why she was with him so we all assumed he was just a very nice guy who treated her well. The reality was he was extremely misogynistic, controlling, insecure and had a two year long affair with a colleague who he then had a baby with.

He was so ugly that if I hadn’t seen a mutual friend in a while they would always bring up shock at how ugly he was. So ugly men can break heart too OP.

Hope you’re not reading this dear friend but if you are you now know we all thought he was hideous anyway.

@ItWasntMeOnTheCounter its the charm, the personality, the sweet talking thats more a factor of affairs etc

If you've been with your partner since you were a child how do you know so much about what 'good looking' men are like in relationships? Or any other men for that matter? Presumably either your bloke isn't good looking, or he's the exception?

You shouldn't judge people on their appearances. 'Ugly' people aren't all kind and faithful, 'hot' people aren't all arrogant cheats.

And he should go for the modelling if it's legit. It's good money and can be a laugh. Less pressure for the men in the industry as well I think.

My ex-stepson was breathtakingly good looking when he was younger. Think Heath Ledger in A Knight’s Tale. Always being stopped for modelling contracts, never took them up. He started dating his girlfriend when he was 19. They’re now married and fifteen years on, he is unfailingly supporting her through cancer. He was smitten with her from the start and it’s never changed. It’s down to the individual.

I met and got together with my DH when we were both 17. Similar to your DD and BF, we just 'got' each other. We've been together 35 years and married for 30.
The stage of life they are at will have many challenges and changes - jobs, university etc, all of which will need to be navigated because it will mean their individual social circles will change and widen and they won't know everyone in the other's circle.

We were each other's constant - the person who was secure, who we could confide in no matter what.

If they have this sort of relationship, they will make it. If not, hopefully, it will be good for the duration of it. Xx

I remember in my early 20s I had the biggest crush on someone who was/is the extremely good looking, model type. His girlfriend was objectively very plain but he was besotted with her. I never mentioned my crush of course due to the girlfriend, although I'm pretty sure he knew from me turning into a red faced waffler as soon as he was in the vicinity.

My point being, he did and still does have a lot of interest from women but was completely faithful and still is with his current partner of 10 years.

Strangely I've found objectively unattractive men to be the biggest players!

Don't give his looks a second thought. It's character that matters and at 17 it may fizzle out naturally simply due to them growing in different directions or life plans changing.

You know @ItWasntMeOnTheCounter, I think you’re missing something pretty big here. If he’s that traditionally good looking, he could have been an absolute piece of shite influencer, on bloody TikTok rating women (I wish this was a joke, but there are seriously men whose whole accounts are just them posting thirst traps with their shirts off and women ask to be rated by these men, using their profile photos and rating from 1 to 10; this kind of stuff makes TikTok a cesspool). He’s considering making it his career, but it sounds like he’s giving it careful thought, as opposed to just accepting a contract from some random doing a “model search” at a shopping centre. As long as he’s not using his looks to try to gain the direct adoration of women other than your DD, I couldn’t get worked up about this.

You can always tell your daughter what to be careful of out there, but then she has to make her choices. I imagine it’s very difficult though, being worried that DD might get her heart broken. But as I said, that isn’t solely related to looks; it’s much more about charisma and if he’s intentionally putting himself out there to be ogled, and possibility contacted, by other women. I suspect you know that, though, inside you @ItWasntMeOnTheCounter - you’re anxious for your DD’s heart, so worrying about his looks is your way of giving a focus to the fear.

I’ve found the rotters are the worst for being unfaithful.

My XH is very handsome and tall. As far as I’m aware he didn’t cheat. It was the ugly exs that did.

The best looking guy I know is basically an old man in a young man’s body and would be more likely to spend his time poring over the Tool Station catalogue than cheating on his wife.

My sister had her heart broken by a really ugly guy so totally depends on personality and morals in my opinion. If they mesh well then maybe they will be lucky and it will last. Hard being a mother though and worrying someone will hurt your baby. My mother told my husband if he hurt me the last thing he would see would be her car reverse lights as she squished him! Luckily she hasn’t had to use them yet 😂

Honestly my DD has been out with a few boys and one was very good looking and he was an absolute asshole.
She is now with another incredibly good looking boy and he treats her like a princess. Can't do enough for her
Good looking doesn't always mean terrible person.

It's none of your business tbh let them do what they want and just to add I'm still with my very first and still very good looking now hubby 30years on from 16 and I'm just a plain Jane lol