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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to wish DD's boyfriend wasn't so good looking?

173 replies

ItWasntMeOnTheCounter · 02/01/2026 16:35

DD and her boyfriend are both 17. They've been together for about a year, and are completely smitten - adore each other, have really compatible senses of humour, just "get" each other, etc. They are each other's first partners. I really like BF - he's kind, open and sweet.

BF is good looking in a way which tends to get really noticed - he's been approached repeatedly by modelling agencies, and recently he's been considering whether he should sign up to one. DD very supportive of whatever he wants to do, of course.

Anyway... I can't help worrying and thinking that very good looking males tend to portend heartache. AIBU to think it's possibly going to make things really hard on the relationship? I'm not intending to do DD down with this post - she's beautiful, and she's clever, and funny, and generally fantastic. But looks have never been much of a "thing" in our family - generally, we're quite ordinary looking (although I think DD much better looking than DH or I ever were) and talents lie elsewhere.

I know it's really unusual that a relationship is for the long run anyway at 17, so feel mildly ridiculous writing this post, but they're both currently so serious about the relationship and DD wants and considers it to be the "real thing". Also - DH and I met at 15 and are still together 30 years later, so....

AIBU to worry about it?!

OP posts:
historyismything82 · 02/01/2026 17:07

Mildly ridiculous? I would say extremely ridiculous. You say you're not doing DD down but I think you are. You don't 'think' she is much better looking, you 'know' she is.

Anyway stop getting so hung up on his looks. Just because you & DH have been together forever, doesn't mean DD has to settle with the first guy she goes out with. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work but it's unlikely it'll be because he's really, really, ridiculously goodlooking.

godmum56 · 02/01/2026 17:07

Whizzingwhippet · 02/01/2026 16:37

They're 17. It's almost certainly going to end in teenage heartbreak regardless of whether they are conventionally good looking or not.

I married my first boyfriend. I am average, he was drop dead georgeous all his life we had a long and happy marriage until I lost him to cancer.

historyismything82 · 02/01/2026 17:07
Zoolander Blue Steel GIF

Is this him?

Zov · 02/01/2026 17:08

I wonder if my DH's mum had the same dilemma when we first got together, because I am fucking gorgeous! And whilst he is attractive, he is definitely punching with me. 😂 His own dad and brother told him that actually. DH was like Hmm

historyismything82 · 02/01/2026 17:09

Ah you beat me to it 🤣 @champagnetrial

x2boys · 02/01/2026 17:09

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say
An objectively good looking person could hsve no personality and be dull as dish water
On the other someone quite ordinary looking,could ooze charm and personality and be adored by many.

ItWasntMeOnTheCounter · 02/01/2026 17:10

godmum56 · 02/01/2026 17:07

I married my first boyfriend. I am average, he was drop dead georgeous all his life we had a long and happy marriage until I lost him to cancer.

@godmum56 I'm so very sorry that you lost your dear husband to cancer. And so pleased you had a long and happy marriage together. X

OP posts:
AgnesMcDoo · 02/01/2026 17:10

You are off your head

Logisticalqueen · 02/01/2026 17:10

At that age, what will be, will be!

BTW this is a silly post OP.

Whoneedsanamesuggestion · 02/01/2026 17:11

Definitely! I've known a few relationship where a beautiful, amazing woman has settled for a not conventionally attractive and not terribly impressive but nice guy thinking he will worship her.

But then he just gets a big confidence boost and starts pursuing other women thinking he must actually be God's gift 🙄!

I don't think you need to be overly worried. Very handsome guys are sometimes quite off-putting to women

CutePixieGirl · 02/01/2026 17:11

No logic to this whatsoever. It’s not just good looking people that have affairs and break hearts.

And why worry about something that may never happen?

Whoneedsanamesuggestion · 02/01/2026 17:12

Whoneedsanamesuggestion · 02/01/2026 17:11

Definitely! I've known a few relationship where a beautiful, amazing woman has settled for a not conventionally attractive and not terribly impressive but nice guy thinking he will worship her.

But then he just gets a big confidence boost and starts pursuing other women thinking he must actually be God's gift 🙄!

I don't think you need to be overly worried. Very handsome guys are sometimes quite off-putting to women

Oooops duplicate post- editing to delete

ItWasntMeOnTheCounter · 02/01/2026 17:12

@champagnetrial and @historyismything82 - HOW DID YOU FIND HIM? Going to have to get this thread deleted now 😞

OP posts:
JLou08 · 02/01/2026 17:12

It's really unfair to judge someone on their looks.
It's really odd to see your DDs bf as better looking than her too.
It sounds like you are projecting your own insecurities on your DD and her boyfriend.

letrozolecycleone · 02/01/2026 17:12

Speaking from experience what causes issues in this sort of situation is the opinions and actions of others . Many times I’ve been advised to ‘be careful’ or ‘up your game’ / ‘make more of an effort to keep him ‘ etc etc . Just because dh is considered so much more attractive than me. If I was insecure this could really negatively affect me and the relationship.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 02/01/2026 17:13

Some of the ugliest men have insane game. Good looks are not as important for men as they are for women, men aren't judged nearly as much on their looks.

LostittoBostik · 02/01/2026 17:13

Wellthisisrevealing · 02/01/2026 16:46

Sometimes I find less good looking means more likely to seek validation by flirting with others/ get their head turned by someone that flatters them

I was going to say this. In theory, he has the pick of the bunch and has chosen your DD - which means he genuinely loves her rather than is just looking for what’s available. They may not last as it rarely does at that age, but he’s less likely to have his head turned as presumably he’s used to getting what he wants anyway

KimberleyClark · 02/01/2026 17:13

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 02/01/2026 16:37

What a strange thread.

Ugly men can break hearts too.

Aren’t they less likely to get the opportunities though?

Jtfrtj · 02/01/2026 17:14

Why is everyone pretending it’s an odd thing to be concerned about.

He’s 17, and in a generation where everyone is easily accessible. Instagram, TikTok. If he really is that good looking and going into modelling, he’ll be actively promoting his picture on his socials and receiving high amount of DMs from other girls. It’s well known the younger generation (and some older) treat social media as dating platforms. They all randomly add each other and chat. And let’s face it, young lads aren’t known for their impulse control.

Yes ugly lads break hearts too, but what does that tell you. If the ugly ones get the opportunities then the models will get 50 times of them.

Having said all of that OP, there’s no predicting if will or won’t break her heart. Heartbreak and break ups are a part of life unfortunately, you just have to go with it. Just embrace it as a part of life.

I swear some posters like to defy reality just for the purpose of making the OP feel stupid.

historyismything82 · 02/01/2026 17:14

ItWasntMeOnTheCounter · 02/01/2026 17:12

@champagnetrial and @historyismything82 - HOW DID YOU FIND HIM? Going to have to get this thread deleted now 😞

Knew it! 🤣

Kingscallops · 02/01/2026 17:14

Shallow thread, all round. You did ask.

Logisticalqueen · 02/01/2026 17:15

champagnetrial · 02/01/2026 17:02

*actual footage of boyfriend

😂

Sunshineismyfavourite · 02/01/2026 17:16

I think you are worrying for the sake of worrying here OP. Totally get it though as I have a DD and am ridiculously protective of her too!

I think if it wasn't his looks, you'd have found some other idiosyncrasy to bother you. I mean, there's absolutely nothing you can do anyway so whenever this silly worry pops into your mind, tell yourself you are being batshit and think of something else!

Dollyfloss · 02/01/2026 17:16

The only man (and there’s been quite a few) who’s ever broken my heart in my 46 years was the “ugliest” one. Looks have nothing to do with heartbreak.

And I also wouldn’t be keen on my dd staying with someone she met at 17 for the rest of her life. Get her to broaden her horizons a bit.

X123x321X · 02/01/2026 17:16

My friend's husband was very striking in his day. He treats her like a queen, and they've been married 25 years. It was interesting being out with them when we were younger. If he walked into a bar or restaurant heads would turn. I've never seen that happen with any other man.

I used to know a girl who was a model. She'd get a reaction, but this was something else entirely.