DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

That’s really shit. I’ve been in hospital a few times and so has DP. Those times are when we really appreciate each other the most. DP would be the one crying (after doing the right things to get me safe) if I’d had a seizure because he’d be terrified of losing me. I don’t say that to brag, but to point out how a loving partner should be.

I have Multiple Sclerosis, have a thing that gives you strokes and epilepsy.

Epilepsy was the hardest thing to get over/drive/live with. Mine came out of the blue 8 years ago, fortunately I only ever had about 15 until I was put on medication and they have stopped for 7 years. They are terrifying.

Good luck to you.. I hope you get them under control soon.

My partner would be as terrified as I would be if that was happening to me.
If you are not feeling loved, cared for and supported it's 100% time to re-evaluate that relationship.

You have blackouts? Not seizures? If you knew anything about seizures.. I’d really hope that your response would not be the same as this. How ignorant!

You expect some people to be cruel, it's just a fact of nature..............but when it's your husband...........not sure what to say really. You need people on your side; I'd expect the people closest to me to be at least sympathetic........otherwise, why have them around? I mean, he might as well be a stranger in the street unless he has other redeeming features? It's just so unnecessary - life is hard enough without the very people around you making it harder.

Just need to vent because I can’t in real life.

he asked me to come home today. I was expecting an apology. He started shouting at me, saying that I said “I don’t give a fuck” when he showed me a skin rash he had (I did say this) and that’s when he said “so you can twist all you like saying the world doesn’t stop because you’re sick, but I can’t say anything right now because you’re sick”. He said no one cares about him and that you should never say “I don’t give a fuck” to a partner.

And then I said please stop shouting snd he said “shut the fuck up for once” and pushed the telly over.

my god I’m so shocked. I’m so so sad. I really don’t know why he’s done this. He’s been a dick before but I’m genuinely scared of him right now.

Leave, leave, leave. He’s being threatening and violent. A loss of control and panic on his part for sure! But you deserve to feel safe so go 💛

Go straight back to your mums. You aren’t safe with this pathetic man.

Jesus OP, this man is not well. A skin rash is not remotely comparable to having multiple seizures, unless it's part of a meningitis diagnosis. He is emotionally immature and potentially violent. How long have you been with him? How is he as a partner more generally?

Please leave OP. Go back to your mum's. Don't tell him you're going, take DC and the basics and get out. Please listen to everyone on here who will tell you the same thing - that you are in danger and you need to leave. Please also tell your mum. Call Women's Aid if you feel you can't vent to her. Not venting only protects him.

Speak to Women’s Aid if you can, just so you have an impartial space to vent and process. But most importantly rest up as you’re unwell and quite frankly don’t need this. A rash can be scary, yeah, but unless he was struggling to breathe and having an allergic reaction it was probably viral. You in the other hand are dealing with something you have no answers for just yet…it’s fucking scary! Sending you love and strength 💛

Why are you still there? Leave immediately.

Call His mum and get her over there immediately then call the police if you have to!

Please get away, OP. Isn't your mum suggesting you stay at hers with your DC? Take her up on it, then instigate proceedings - separation, divorce, whatever.

This is not a partner for you.

He is being emotionally and now physically abusive. Make sure you and the children are safe.

Please leave get yourself and your DC safe and realise this relationship is over. This time it was shouting and the TV but it will escalate to violence against you or your DC.

Like others have said before me, please get yourself to safety.
He is a horrible horrible man and I'm concerned about your safety.

Pushing the TV is one thing.
Next time, it could be you.

OP he sounds narcissistic - I know it’s thrown around a lot but he sounds like he’s resentful that your health is competing for attention from him that he cannot bear. Hence the pathetic attempts to one up your seizures with rashes etc, strops, abuse & walking out on you. They’re no where near comparable but it sounds like he cannot bear you occupying & requiring any more space, attention, love & care - that ordinarily a partner would be able to deliver - because it takes, in his warped mind, it away from him. This is seriously narc behaviour & the escalation in physical violence is really worrying. Has he ever behaved like this before? It’s pathological. Him trivialising & minimising the severity of your seizures & pulling focus onto him & his alleged needs is really fkd up. You should not be having the stress of his completely pathological reaction on top of your current health predicament OP. You need to do damage control. Get out take the kids & base yourself at your parents. He is unsafe. So sorry this is happening to you.

Just to say, there IS a point in crying. Biologically, we don’t cry for no reason. It’s not a self-pity bug in our design. It’s a feature - a way of releasing stress. When we cry, our body releases hormones - endorphins and oxytocin. If we are in physical OR emotional pain, the endorphins help relieve it, while the oxytocin is a way of self-soothing and regulating our emotions.

It is healthy to cry, and there is a point to crying. We are designed to cry, and those of us that don’t aren’t stronger or better able to control their emotions. There’s a flaw in their regulatory system - that may have been socialised in, or could be a hormonal imbalance.

I understand that you’re a fixer, but you can fix things without dismissing tears. They’re part of the normal pain process for most humans.

OP, call your mum and get the kids out, and then his mum and get HIM out. I am so sorry that he is scaring you like this.

He is now violent and threatening.
Classic narcissistic behaviour when not getting his way.
Call 101 and report him and ask for advice.
Take pictures.
Tell family and friends.

Back to mums with the kids. Take a photo of the tv before you go. Call women's aid.

“You can twist all you like” gave me the creeps - that’s exactly the phrase my narcissistic ex used to use on me. I was never allowed to be unwell either.

Please report this incident to the Police asap. You can do this online and they will contact you. When they talk to you tell them about his previous abuse. Coercive controlling behaviour is also a crime now. They will support you and also refer you to a local domestic abuse agency which will be one they use all the time also to a local authority social servicea Family Hub for support your DC cannot be exposed to this. I am a DA worker in a Family Hub so work with these situations all the time. Take care his behaviour is very concerning You havent done anything wrong.

He doesn't love you.

Go and stay with your mum.

You can't stay with this man.

I'm not dismissing crying. Crying is my default response to upset, stress, anger... I hate it but cant control it so believe me, I do get crying.