DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

Your husband's reaction may be because he's scared and doesn't know how to deal with the fact you potentially could have a neurological disorder. However, his attitude stinks, the lack of empathy and care is awful. Of course you're scared and of course you're going to cry. The unknown is bloody scary. Have you spoken to him regarding his attitude? His life might have been put on hold for 2 weeks, but what does he think has happened to yours??? He needs to step up and start supporting you, after all you are his wife and he married you. How is he normally in a crisis? Unfortunately some men run a mile when life starts getting tough, they just don't want the responsibility. Only you know, which category your husband falls into. My husband is amazing in a crisis, level-headed, calm, logical and there with bucket loads of support.
Edit: Just read your updates OP, scrap my post. Your husband is a bastard, and needs a metaphorical kick up the arse for being a piece of uncaring shit!

I split with my ex cos he was so so shit and hostile when I was unwell, and I really think I did the right thing. However, about two years later I was diagnosed with cancer and despite us still being split up he has been my main source of support, he has travelled many miles to care for me every time I’ve had to have chemo, staying with me and my son/his stepson.
He just couldn’t cope when we were together, he was overwhelmed and when challenges he ran away or he lashed out. I guess what I’m saying, is you’re right to tell him to fuck right off at the moment, but it is possible in my experience that he will realise what a twat he is being and actually sort it out. Love is action not words, just deal with caring for yourself and taking no shit for now.

@Likelysmike clearly in sickness and in health doesn’t apply your your “h”
He happy to take from a marriage when it’s good but not out in or be there when you need him.
Has all your marriage been focused around him ?

Id be scared to stay with someone like this if my health was deteriorating .

Many men are 'fair weather partners', unless its them of course.

He's been heartless, and nasty. He needs to change his tune pronto, or you need to consider your situation. Would you really want someone with his attitude to be in charge of your care when you're not well?

This.

I hope you get some decent R&R at your parents.

This!! No more needed to be said!! Your DH is an AH!!!

Bless you.

Seizures can be terrifying, especially out of the blue, with no history of them.
Any "normal" DH would be frantic with worry, surely??

Hope you're okay OP.

My uncle had 2 random seizures over the summer, having never had any before. He had his driving license taken away for a while. Had a full load of tests, but no cause found... He's got an appointment to get his license back (hopefully!) later this month. :)

Is this the first time he has been like this? How has he been when you have previously been unwell?

He is downright cruel to treat you this way at a very worrying time.

Im so sorry you are suffering these and they are scary. Its normal to cry. In your position Id ask a Dr or Nurse to have a word with him as hes not helping at all.

Your 'D' H, can have my first Cunt of the week award of 2026.

He’s upset that his wife-appliance is malfunctioning

Omg I'm so sorry OP about your sickness as well as your useless husband... is he usually such a dick or is this a once off?

I was hoping not to have to use such vile language so early in the new year, but needs must.

What an absolute, colossal tosser.

I'm so sorry for your marriage OP.

Please stay until you're well again, and once your health improves, get him out of your life.

Do another post on here re: 'how to protect my finances?' when you feel up to it, you'll get lots of good advice.

I hope your prognosis is kind, and that you recover very soon.

That's shit, I'm sorry. What was he like before this? Health can change relationships.

I'm so sorry OP.

This behaviour from men just disgusts me. This is the type of situation where one can see how much a husband' regards his wife as a household good rather than a human being.

As someone who is married to a man who developed epilepsy arising from autoimmune encephalitis I find your husband's attitude incredibly selfish. When my DH has a seizure I wait for him to come round and offer reassuring words. I also find it absolutely terrifying, and in the five years it has been happening I have never got used to it. It does sound like you need to reconsider your relationship, but the stress this would cause would be the last thing you need.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you will get appropriate treatment to get your seizures under control.

So sorry to read this OP. It must be so scary for you and also for him!!! What’s he thinking?!

is he often like this? Do you think he’s scared?? I’m not making excuses for the awful behaviour - just trying ti understand it.

It sounds like this could be the end of your marriage. You need someone to love you and care for you.

I hope you get well soon!

I understand, and sometimes we can all benefit from a more logical thinker and a problem solver. But regardless of how much you care inside, if you’re not outwardly portraying it with your words and actions appropriately, it’s irrelevant. Your feelings are only relevant to you. No one else is going to climb inside your mind and feel what you feel.

It’s like when other posters are suggesting he’s just scared. I don’t think he is at all but just for arguments sake, even if he is scared he needs to manage it better. He’s entitled to his fears but his actions will drive the consequences.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that the manbaby is making a difficult situation much worse. I'm carer for my husband who has been bedbound for years and am now not well myself (rather more than having a cold and being a bit tired) but you find strength to do what you have to. That is x a million when children are involved. Partners show you who they really are when you need their help and he has shown he can't be relied on even for a short crisis period. Long term, he would be no better.

I'm glad you have supportive family, please be safe with them and I hope they get to the bottom of the seizures and can provide effective treatment soon.

Your MIL is a keeper.

Keep her in the loop with how you are doing. She won't want her grandchild to lose their mother if he's this emotionally dead.

Men leaving their ill wives is a documented thing-
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-many-husbands-leave-sick-wives_uk_67f3e055e4b04e7e19265c95

It is the domestic appliance malfunctioning and the idea that they will have to actually do some parenting and housework.

He's not on your team anymore, there is really no coming back from this.

Ffs
hes behaving badly but this is bonkers

Your bar is subterranean 🙄

Well let's face it, nobody is perfect and people do or don't deal with stressful situations very well.

Is it worth divorcing and all the upheaval and stress that comes with that in itself,no.

Can she give back as good as she's getting from him, hell yes.

Sounds like the MIL is giving him a metaphorical clip on the ear for his behaviour.

Main thing is that the OP gets to the bottom of what's causing the seizures.

I remember with my first husband i had awful stomach pain and needed to go to A&E. He sat there the whole time on his phone and not being supportive.

Reviewing this, I realised thus was one of the key signs he didn't love me any more. At the time I found myself desperate for his support the more he withheld it.

Your husband is being a total arse and you should leave him. Lean on your family for support.

Hugs