DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

I'm so sorry OP- how cruel of him.

My ex husband was equally dismissive- not when I was sick but when a parent was- and that was the beginning for the end for us. I couldn't get past the cruelty and worried what my future would look like if I had someone I couldn't rely on to look after me if and when I needed it.

You are meant to be a team, he is not behaving like a team mate.

I'm really glad you're going to stay at your parents home.

You can't trust your husband with your physical safety or your kids right now. At least you will be able to rest.

What a heartless person. I hope you manage to get some treatment. Seizures are terrifying for the person having them and those who witness so insane he is dismissing them. My ex was diagnosed with epilepsy after a head injury and his medication took a long time to get used to. I was nothing but sympathetic and supportive and we were going through a separation! As others have said Arsehole!

What a selfish, uncaring prick

Just rtft. I’m so glad you’ve gone to stay with your mum.
kick him out of the house and keep your home.
You and your children deserve better than that waste of space!

This is so awful I don’t believe it is real.

If on the off chance it is real please divorce this man.

He’s a pig. Leave him.
And I’ve never said that before on here.

Women really don’t need persuading to stay with abusive men. Society provides plenty of that already

Unforgivable tbh. I've been in your husbands shoes and frankly got on with it and supported husband in anyway I could whilst keeping the house and kids together. The fact he can't/wont step up and wants to compete with a cold is pathetic and I wouldn't be able to get past it.

Leave the room when he starts to complain about his cold or don't pay attention. Don't be an audience to his drama. Looking for anything he needs don't go looking for it. Make him work harder by allowing things to follow consequence around him....... washing his own clothes....because you cannot drain yourself caring this man baby.....allow it to happen very subtly.

I have only just read this thread OP, sorry you've had to deal with such a prick!

It's nice to read about a MIL than recognises when her DS is being a shit - unfortunately his actions when he did come home suggest she didn't get through to him though.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by taking yourself out of the situation. Whatever is causing your seizures probably isn't helped by stress and it'll also be reassuring to you knowing there's someone around actually capable of looking after DC. How far away is your mums? Will it be workable for school if necessary?

OP he sounds absolutely horrible. I don't blame you for wanting to leave him. I'm not sure I could forgive that either. Sorry you're going through this

I honestly rarely feel theses threads should result in the LTB that so many posters say. BUT this behaviour actually would make me absolutely consider this. At your most vulnerable he has offered you less than zero support. I honestly do not think this is a relationship I could stay in

@Likelysmike, I know I’m an internet stranger, but I’m so proud of you for taking action quickly. If anything, the stress your husband’s behavior caused you could trigger more seizures.

And you’re not alone. There is nothing wrong with you crying! I got the same from my ex, but it was very difficult to leave, as I was disabled and he was my “carer.” While he helped run errands for me, he developed medical and caretaker burnout, and not only refused to go to the hospital with me, but would actively try to discourage me from going and tell me regularly that if he were in my position, he would have already done assisted suicide. I do believe this treatment worsened the depression I’d already developed as a result of my illness, and may have actually worsened my health. I know this because I was eventually brave enough to leave, with nothing but one suitcase, to be with my best friend and second husband. And not only has he been so incredibly supportive, but I feel physically better in myself, even though my pain is increasing and disease is progressing.

The point is: no, a good man does not do what your DH has done, end of story. If he was exceptionally apologetic and agreed to counseling, I might consider giving him a chance. But if he just continues in the same attitude… well. Might as well leave him for his atrocious behavior before he leaves you for being sick (20.8% of women with cancer or MS end up deserted or divorced vs 2.9% of men.^) In fact, female gender was “found to be the strongest predictor of separation or divorce.”
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/

Take all the time you need to think at your mum’s, and let your mum and dad play with the children, so you can have a rest. You have a long journey ahead of you, getting a diagnosis and then finding a treatment that works, and maybe trialing a few. Please make sure you’re surrounded by loving, caring people. If that no longer includes your “D”H, the so be it. But I know it hurts, because you would have never done it to him.

^ Another study about this was retracted, but this is not from the retracted study.

If you want to cry you should, and he of all people should understand. A seizure is scary and worrying. I saw your updates and MIL sounds lovely and so do your parents. Rely on them and ignore DH. He really needs to up his game. What is his excuse for being a complete arse?!

I have blackouts, have for years, and there is no point in crying. Soesk to medics about how to best control/contain them.

If she needs to cry, what do you suggest she do instead? Should she just bottle up her fear?

I love the fact 2% of people think she is being unreasonable.

She can cry if she damn well wants to. There's nothing at all wrong with crying in this situation. She doesnt even have a diagnosis yet!

Are you always this dismissive and unhelpful?

This. 😵‍💫

I have epilepsy. My husband is incredibly supportive, and does everything he can to try and prevent me getting over-tired (sleep deprivation is my trigger.)
I am quite reliant on him nowadays, for myself and for the care of our two young children.
My type of epilepsy means I can’t drive, and can barely work, and will never be able to hold down a job which would sustain me, let alone my children.
Is your partner someone who you would be comfortable being completely reliant upon, if it did get to that?
surely not. Leave.

Are you on medication @quillfram

Please start keeping detailed notes, ideally email yourself so they are date stamped with a detailed account of his behaviour, treatment of you, and his neglect of his child while you are seriously incapacitated.

Specifically that you and your child having to be collected by your parents to be looked after, as you were unable to mind your child and he refused.

This will be helpful during divorce an child proceedings.

I would expect somebody with your experience to have a lot more empathy.