DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

Well, after reading all your posts, that would be the end for me, I wouldn't even look at the bastard.
I know it's most difficult practically, if you have
a kid.
You have been to a hospital, so I assume your seizures will be now medicated and observed.
Screw this man. Honestly, I'm obviously older than you, also no kids, but for a long time
I have wondered what is the actual point of having these shits at home.
Get better soon. Forget him. (Easily said, but, for you and your kid).

Having just RTFT and your updates, OP, I'm so glad you're going to your parents. What if you had a seizure while he was there? Would he just step over you on the way to the loo or wherever? This would be a deal breaker for me too. My DH was diagnosed with cancer (thankfully now in remission) and I can't imagine being so cruel as to tell him to stop making a fuss. Yes, everything has to be put on hold to support the person who is ill. Yes, that means taking on the lion's share when they are feeling below par. Your DH is showing you that he was 100% lying when he said the vows 'in sickness and in health'. You'll be better off alone because the stress of staying married to him might make your condition worse.

you need to leave the children with husband/their father to look after. I mean the father takes care of the children not the children taking care of the useless husband.

Problem is with some men is they drift along in life having everything done for them, children taken care of, the laundry done, housework and then when a wheel come of the bus carrying them - they don't know how to react, they don't like you crying as they see it as a failure in themselves - it highlights how inadequate they actually are.

Go to your mums and have them take care of you and leave him to care for the children, housework and cooking, shopping etc

stop inconveniencing him

change that phrase to him "not coping"

I can see you're falling apart at the first sign of an illness, you can't cope with a series illness, so I need someone to be solid for me - ill go home to mum.

Agree.

Go to your parents but leave the children with him for now to sort them. Lazy arsehole

My daughter is still struggling with the after effects of a seizure she had Christmas Eve.

She's been saying that she can't get off to sleep since it happened.

She's a single mother of three primary school aged children and her youngest has epilepsy.

She sent me a link to an app which will (hopefully) alert me if she has signs of another episode. I'm anxious for the grandchildren.

I am glad that you are with your mum.

Tiredness appears to be a trigger for both DGS (mostly night seizures) and DD - it can be a vicious cycle.

He's an absolute bastard. I am aghast at this man's selfishness!

Please please leave as soon as you able to.

OP, I'm so sorry but he really is scum.
Stick with your parents and stay away from him.
Stress will not help you.
Hopefully your situation will stabilise and you will move forward.
Never allow that prick near your life again.
Let this be a huge wake up call.

So sorry you have to deal with your ‘D’ H being such an arse like this on top of the worry of your seizures.
My DD has epilepsy and every time she has a seizure I’m in bits, I can’t imagine someone being so heartless and not being concerned. Seizures can be life threatening 😞
All the best with your health, OP.

I have a few family members with epilepsy and a nephew not long diagnosed. Its very scary at any age and definitely something thats made worse by lack of sleep and stress.
In sickness and health a partner should unconditional support and love you .
If you cant trust that he will be there for you when you are sick then what's the point of him at all .
He also shouldnt be forced by his mum . Thats not the same at all. She raised a selfish man.

I would be thinking he’s poisoning me or spring something to cause the seizures given they have started out of the blue and his awful m, uncaring and callous attitude towards you.

That man does not love and cherish you which are the two basic requisites of a good marriage.

Yes I would divorce him and I would ask to be tested for poisoning.

Start planning..it’s an appalling way to behave - abusive and without character.

There is NO excuse. Please don’t accept this for your life..it won’t stop and this is a warning to act on.

Hoping your health issues are resolved swiftly and you flourish going forward 💐💐💐

(Childhood epilepsy (me) and colleagues with epilepsy all living happy full lives)

You know what, mad as this theory sounds, I agree with it – I think you should ask hospital/GP for a toxicology test.

Don’t leave the kids with him. He goes to sleep for 3 hours in the day when they have a 5yo, ie not safe.

Op rest up today - please try to sleep. Your DH’s behaviour is shameful.

Your husband is, for want of a better word, a cunt

What is he usually like? Not that it matters but he sounds like a narcissist.

@Likelysmike , glad your mum is being supportive, you are doing the right thing taking DC to hers. Rest as much as possible. Sounds like his mum has the measure of him too, so that’s good.

He’s an absolute twat OP and I’m so sorry. My DH had two seizures out of the blue during lockdown and I cannot imagine ever saying anything like that to him. A few years later I was diagnosed with cancer, we had a 4 month old baby at the time and I was in and out of hospital having surgeries/chemo etc which was hard on all of us as we have no family support nearby - yet DH was nothing but loving and supportive (despite being “scared shitless” as he later put it) so even if your DH is struggling to deal with his emotions it’s no excuse for his behaviour.

I‘M glad your mum is coming to get you, and that his mum has read him the riot act.

Do not even consider going back home until you feel your husband understands what he needs to do and is able to do it. If he cannot get past this manchild bullshit, then he needs to move out so you and the kids get on with your lives.

Crying is an absolutely normal response to a seizure. Not just a normal emotional response - an actual documented physical response too. Anyone that dismisses tears for any reason is an utter cunt, but it’s a special kind of heartless brainless stupid on top to not understand why someone would cry after a seizure. I’m not sure I could get past it, regardless of any remorse or change he shows. He’s shown you who he really is - a selfish brainless cunt.

Much love to you. I hope the seizures are controllable in time x

Maybe I wasnt very clear.

I didnt mean "stop crying" or "why are you crying?". I meant I'd be along the lines of "well there is no point in crying so how can we fix or or deal with it? What do I need to do?" not "there's no point in crying, what's for tea?".

I'm a "fixer". I have had to learn to ask "do you want help with this or do you want a sympathetic ear?". I automatically try to solve things. That is my caring response. If I dont do that for you and just make "aww" noises, then actually that means I dont care.

You are right that I'm not great emotionally but I show I care in other, quieter ways.

Is there a back story like you often have new illnesses and ruin occasions? If not, he’s a massive prick and needs to leave!

Babe, I'm so incredibly sorry about your seizures. I hope you and the medics find a way of dealing with the soon, and I really do hope you get better.

You have a genuine reason for crying and being upset.

As for that self-obsessed arsehole, dump him in the bin where he belongs, kick him out and file for divorce. He's a vile cunt.

My God. What is he usually like when you’re ill?

His behaviour is just disgusting. I’m glad you have supportive family and that his mum is supportive.

He’s being awful. I’m not surprised you feel you can’t get past his behaviour.

Sending you all good wishes. I hope you find out soon what the issue is. 💐

Relieved to read your update 💛

Wow, he’s quite the self-centred prick, isn’t he?