To think my DD should go to Edinburgh Uni instead of Kent?

[Girlypops154]

My DD has been accepted to Edinburgh to study Astrophysics and she has also been accepted to Kent University. We live outside of London and she says wants to be closer to home but I say she should go to Scotland because it’s a better university (she has also been accepted to St Andrews but we prefer Edinburgh). We are in a blessed position that we can afford the extra year up there. How do I get to change her mind as she has her mind now set on Kent but I really think going to an RG would be far better. She’s now getting annoyed at me because I keep insisting on Edinburgh. She has also been accepted to Durham and Aberystwyth but neither of them have got back to us yet. Any advice or am I being unreasonable? Thank you.

With respect, recognising that it's your money that funds it, this has to be her decision.

If she goes to Kent and has a shit time, that'll on her. If she goes to Edinburgh on your insistence, and has a shit time, that's on you, or at least she'll likely see it that way.

Don't take on the burden of someone else's future.

Well done to her btw!!

I think you’re being unreasonable. You can give your opinion but it is her decision to make. I wouldn’t have appreciated my parents interfering like this (and for all their faults they didn’t) nor would my children appreciate my interfering like this.

It’s best to go where she is happy!

It's not for you to interfere - it's her decision to make, surely?

If she wanted to be closer to home that’s quite a strange mix of universities she’s applied to - three very academic options at a great distance (St Andrew’s, Edinburgh, Durham), a less academic far away option (Aberystwyth) and a less academic local option (Kent). Presuming she’s got the grades for top unis, wouldn’t London universities like UCL or Imperial have made much more sense?

Also Scotland can be a bit chilly!

You don't.

She has to make this decision. You might not like that decision but it's her life and she has to live that decision.

If she's saying she wants to live closer to home, that's a hint of anxiety and perhaps a dose of still not being independent and mature enough to contemplate more. In which case forcing the issue could be abject disaster.

Her decision to make, time to back off

Her life and her choice. My son also rejected Edinburgh, I really don’t think it would have been his place so was glad. Not all universities suit everyone irrespective of how “good” they are. He ended up at Glasgow and hated that and left and is now somewhere non RG and enjoying it more.

Not sure how you think this is your decision to make?
Help her to choose, pros/cons, visits to her options, maybe even a few days in her favourite two locations.

RG really isn't a big deal anymore. If being nearer to home and support is something she wants then you need to start by showing that support now.

It's really none of your business. What is it with all these overbearing mothers on MN meddling in their children's lives?

I would point out to her that Kent - and other universities at that level - are facing significant financial problems that RG unis (while not immune) are somewhat safer from, as they can expand their enrolment and take additional students with lower grades (who would have otherwise gone to places like Kent) if they urgently need to boost revenues.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c15zkqx2zgwo

Kent is making largescale redundancies. I would be concerned about its stability. At some point a non-RG university is going to go under, and Kent is definitely a contender.

I actually agree with you OP re Edinburgh. My DS studies there and loves it, it is a fabulous university.

im a bit confused about your point re Durham and Aberystwyth though, has she got in or not?

A quick Google search would show her that Edinburgh is rated far higher than Kent for Astrophysics. Given the investment in fees and student loans etc that SHE is going to make (unless you plan to pay for everything) doesn’t it make the most sense to go to the best possible university for the degree you are interested in, to maximise the returns in investment? So likely higher probability of good job etc by accepting the higher quality uni offer.
I’d go down that argument with her, but it will be her decision ultimately. All you can do is inform her as best you can.

There's going to be a 1 degree difference between Canterbury and Edinburgh tomorrow.

Yes sorry it was meant to be ‘applied to’ rather than ‘accepted’ - just noticed that but it doesn’t let me edit it anymore

Why did she apply to those universities? The courses? You say accepted - has she got offers for all 5 unis she’s applied to? That’s amazing if so! As the mum of a Yr2 uni student I would say proximity to home can be important - I get why you would want her to go to Edinburgh but as another poster said why didn’t she apply to top unis nearer home eg Imperial or UCL?

This. What’s changed since she applied?

What kind of person is she? Kent is not exactly party central- Edinburgh on the other hand….Have you visited? The climate can be quite tough, cold and very dark in the winter.

I’m not entirely sure. Kent was always the option that she would go to if her A Levels were going worse than expected and I always thought she wanted to move farther afield

I came here to say this too. Be wary of Kent.

I agree with other posters that it is your DD's decision, but it should be an informed one

It's her decision. My daughter has decided where she wants to apply, based on criteria that is important to her. You can give a gentle opinion but she is going to be living that life so she needs to decide. Your priorities might not be the same as her priorities.

Can I ask when your DD got her offer please? Mine is currently waiting on the response from her application to Edinburgh. Thank you

Kent is planning to merge with the University of Greenwich as it’s about to go bust, and has also had to make substantial redundancies. Although it needs to be her choice I’d be quite concerned about this choice for all kinds of reasons and I’d be any to be very sure she understands the difference between the universities both in terms of reputation and financial viability.

I think your DD should choose. It’s important for a young person to be happy with their uni choice. You can only advise.

To add: me, my DH and one of our DDs all went to Edinburgh uni and loved it and loved the city; my other DD went to Durham and got bullied out of it. There was a huge snobbishness there.