To think my DD should go to Edinburgh Uni instead of Kent?

[Girlypops154]

My DD has been accepted to Edinburgh to study Astrophysics and she has also been accepted to Kent University. We live outside of London and she says wants to be closer to home but I say she should go to Scotland because it’s a better university (she has also been accepted to St Andrews but we prefer Edinburgh). We are in a blessed position that we can afford the extra year up there. How do I get to change her mind as she has her mind now set on Kent but I really think going to an RG would be far better. She’s now getting annoyed at me because I keep insisting on Edinburgh. She has also been accepted to Durham and Aberystwyth but neither of them have got back to us yet. Any advice or am I being unreasonable? Thank you.

For me the shorter days in winter (I worked in Newcastle for a while) make a difference. Edinburgh today has 45 minutes less than Canterbury.

I would emphasise the risk of course reduction and other impacts possible with the finances of Kent.

Are you kidding? Edinburgh is right on the coast, it’s bloody freezing. Have you ever been to the Edinburgh festival ? Cause it actually makes it a fucking horrific place to live for an entire month if the year. It really isn’t all that.

I disagree. She has obviously has good reasons and feelings for Kent. It needs to be her choice. She may be much happier there. Also a campus uni is so nice when you’re young.

This has nothing to do with you frankly. She's an adult

This must be her decision. Staying closer to home really sounds quite sensible to be honest.

You don't try to persuade her. You let her choose. My DD applied to St Andrews, was given an offer and had an all expenses paid trip to the university to visit the town. She loved it. She also had offers from her second choice - an RG university where she had been to several workshops and residential courses and her insurance choice.

When she got her results she realised that even though she got in to St Andrews the travel would be too much - it was a 13 hour journey by train. The RG university didn't really capture her imagination and she settled for her insurance choice.

I can't say I wasn't disappointed. I really loved St Andrews. Her insurance place didn't appeal to me at all. But I had to trust her.

A couple of months into her 4 year course she met and fell in love with a fellow student. A year later they got engaged and a year later they got married. They graduated at the same time, both work really hard and have been able to buy their first home less than a year after leaving university.

I don't know how her life would have turned out if I had pushed her to go where I wanted. But I do know that she is happy and content and has a standard of living that many of her school friends will struggle to attain for many years.

Edinburgh all the way. Tell her that if she’s applying for jobs, Edinburgh has more kudos than kent.

I would normally be totally ‘it’s her decision keep your nose out’ but Kent is on the border of going bust, staff are miserable and at risk of redundancy and doing such a specialised subject she would be really impacted by even small scale redundancies. So I think you need to have a very very big chat with her and try to dissuade her from Kent. If she’s anxious about moving further afield, gap year and London unis?

Please let her make her own decisions- and own them. You've chosen er name, where she grew up, went to school, etc. She's a young adult now, and needs to start having more independence, and making her own choices and decisions about her life. Sure, you might not like them, or she might realise that she has made the occasional mistake... but then it's on her, and she won't resent you for it.

I say this as someone who deliberately went to one of the furthest away universities to escape from crippling family pressure... and although I now live in a completely different part of the UK, I'll never move back to live close to my family. Getting out and away is one of the best things that I ever did.

I think you need a really open discussion about what is driving her thoughts. And perhaps with a view to taking a year out and applying again start the search again. Not sure where you live but Sussex would be a much better choice than Kent. Or Bristol or Bath. Or London unis. I wouldn’t try to force her to go to Edinburgh if she’s not keen though. Better to take a year out and be more sure of her decision.

Wait until you hear back from the others. You may need to revisit each city before making a decision if there is time.

She may need reassurance about what it will be like, maybe from chatting to a student who is there now or recently graduated. Do you have any contacts in Edinburgh so she could talk to them and be reassured that she has a network up there?

if she has Durham or st Andrew’s she absolutely go to them. They are completely different to going to Kent

Hopefully Durham accept her, would she be ok with the distance to Durham if she gets an offer?

would she not have fancied Manchester and the possibility of a lecture from Brian Cox?

It needs to be her decision

it doesn't matter what you prefer. This is her life. Her experience Not yours.

Your post has a lot of “We” and “I” in it.

What does your dd want to do?
What will make her happy?

This is her time to make the big decisions on her future, you’ve had your chance at that age to choose your own pathway. She has to make her own decisions.

You need to drop the "us".

My DS was choosing university two yrs ago.
He got great grades and could have got into a RG uni but he didn't want to leave home so he got into our local uni needing really low grades but he is happy. If we had insisted he goes away he would have returned home.

Kent is an excellent university. It’s absolutely her choice. I assume she only applied for the further away ones because you pushed her into it?

As the UK Astronomy Technology Centre at the Royal Observatory in Edinburgh, led the project to design the Mid-Infrared Instrument of NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope, the most powerful telescope ever to be launched into space, I’d suggest it’s likely the RG course up there is highly likely to be ahead of other universities in both knowledge and opportunities 🤷🏻‍♀️

Another added bonus is that there are many more observatories in Scotland due to lack of light pollution. Husband has visited a few and raved about what can be seen compared to here (we live in Kent, approx 30 mins from the University of Kent!)

I've realised the convenience of having my son at a closer uni.. the travel to get them home etc....something to consider..

She should go wherever she wants to go given it's her life and she'll be going as an adult.

She’d be mad to choose a uni with a poor reputation that’s going bust over 4 other excellent options. As long as she’s aware of this…

I remember my decision was between Southampton and UCL. Very nearly went to the former due to issues around confidence and not thinking I was good enough. Had a conversation with my sister who reassured me that after interview UCL made me an offer so they thought I was good enough. I'm so glad I went there, its given me a great basis for my career.

Edinburgh is a great university. Would explore whether its the distance or anything else really putting her off. She will need to travel for both and Scotland is not that many additional hours.

I'm from Edinburgh and lived and worked there as an adult before moving south. I genuinely wouldn't move back to Scotland simply because of the weather. It will be considerably different to Kent. Not the case for everyone but it's not a totally ridiculous thing to think about.

If she wants to be closer to home, fair enough. You will be grateful not to be driving her things to Edinburgh. She may be more likely to complete the course if she can come home for weekends easily. She can also see her current friends more easily. Good on her for thinking about what works for her.