To think my DD should go to Edinburgh Uni instead of Kent?

[Girlypops154]

My DD has been accepted to Edinburgh to study Astrophysics and she has also been accepted to Kent University. We live outside of London and she says wants to be closer to home but I say she should go to Scotland because it’s a better university (she has also been accepted to St Andrews but we prefer Edinburgh). We are in a blessed position that we can afford the extra year up there. How do I get to change her mind as she has her mind now set on Kent but I really think going to an RG would be far better. She’s now getting annoyed at me because I keep insisting on Edinburgh. She has also been accepted to Durham and Aberystwyth but neither of them have got back to us yet. Any advice or am I being unreasonable? Thank you.

It was a lighthearted comment. Do you normally get angry at weather related remarks?

My son went to a uni a long way from home and I have to say that he didn't spend a single weekend coming home in 4 years because it was too far and simply too much hassle, so if she does want to be able to come home then it's worth considering different options.

Better than having a mother completely disinterested I think.

I'm an academic. Kent is one of the few institutions I would actively advise against. It's a byword for terrible management. I know wonderful lecturers there, but the place is awful. The RG/non RG thing makes no difference - great teaching can be found at both. Kent is a case unto itself.

That said, if your DD really doesn't want to go to Edinburgh, being that far away from home at an institution she feels luke warm about is not wise either.

And yet millions of people manage to live here just fine! 🙄

As a former professional astronomer (7 years post-doctoral research experience), Edinburgh and Durham are top class for astrophysics. I very nearly opted to do my PhD at Edinburgh, and applied to post-doc positions at both Edinburgh and Durham. The others, not so much. So if that is where your DC's interests lie, it is worth a rethink.

It's a difficult time for many universities. Do can you provide a link for @Girlypops154 to show her daughter.

We advised a 3 hr radius from.home for our DD, as I thought it would be easier to get home for a weekend, should she want to. We live in a commuter town 30 miles from London, so there is a lot to choose from within that scope. In the end she chose to go somewhere about an hour away. It's not RG but its worked well for her so far. (Shes in year 2) She was quite homesick for term 1 and we went and visited/took her out for lunch every 2-3 weeks. Now shes got a job there and its easy to take her part way to continue over the holiday.

It’s completely her choice.

Have you visited Edinburgh? Maybe if she goes there she’ll love it. it’s a lovely city to live and work or study in.

I would be worried that she has not considered the implications in full, as many are very young to make such a big decision. Ask her to wait until the final two confirm one way or another and then sit down and discuss each one together. Raise the uni issues for each one, and discuss in detail.

I broadly agree that Kent is not comparable to Edinburgh though,

Kent is 44th in the CUG rankings for physics. Saying that the courses do look interesting at Kent. A lot of universities offer “physics with astrophysics “ where as Kent offer Astronomy, space science and astrophysics. I can see how that would appeal over better universities offering the former. Edinburgh is straight astrophysics but there don’t seem to be many places offering that. Places like Birmingham and Manchester which are good unis and closer than Edinburgh don’t seem to. UCL does but maybe that was too close?

I do agree it should be your DD’s choice but this needs spelling out to her, that there will be kids with much lower average ucas points and the teaching may be aimed at the majority and she might be bored.

That employers will very often look at university. Graduate jobs are hard to come by and her chances of employment are much better as an Edinburgh alumni compared to Kent.

Plus all the Kent finance issues. Staff cut backs will have affected teaching.

edinburgh is far from London but it’s a direct train ride. I’d certainly be wanting to gently encourage Edinburgh.

Another option might be to take a gap year and apply again to better universities than Kent not as far away as Edinburgh?

It's not up to you... Listen and accept her choice.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy85905dj2wo.amp

@NeedingCoffeewhy does everyone say that about Durham? It’s only three hours if you actually live in Kings Cross! We live in SW London and it’s almost five hours by train, as she has to get to St Pancras (only across the way but at least five minutes) and then wait further a connection to a station near us.
OP Kent vs Edinburgh is an odd choice. But why decide now? Wait to see if Durham offers. Go to offer holder days. Let her think more on the matter.

https://qmucu.org/qmul-transformation/uk-he-shrinking/

Edinburgh is also facing cuts.

OP if your DD wants to stay near home, I cannot imagine a worse situation than pushing her to go to Edinburgh. It's not going to be easy to pop home for the weekend (or cheap), if she wants/needs to. I doubt that you could pop up for visits too frequently either.

It is vitally important that students are happy to live in their student location. Many really need the safety net of frequent visits home, or at least the knowledge that it would be possible.

Maybe it would be better for your DD to consider taking a gap year and having another look at unis closer to home.

Ultimately though it really does need to be your DDs choice, without bullying from parents.

At the end of the day it’s her decision, if you push her and it doesn’t work out she’ll be resenting you forever.

My DD chose a really random university that came completely out of nowhere and while it wouldn’t be my choice, at the end of the day it’s her future, not mine.

If she was keen on Edinburgh before - has a boy come on the scene since? That could be the reason she is suddenly keen to stay nearer home.

That would be my first thought anyway, in which case I would be trying my very best to steer her back towards Edinburgh.

Urgh, I hate the pretentious bollox of parents insisting little Tarquin goes to a 'RG' uni. It makes fuck all difference. But, and it's a sizeable 'but', as other have said, I'd be very careful about looking at Kent. The HE sector is on it's knees currently, lots of unis are on the brink, but Kent is one of the more challenged ones.

I was going to say let her decide for herself, but reading what previous posters have said about all the problems at kent it looks like she would be best to avoid it.

Kent is highly likely to get rid of more specialist/smaller number degrees as the merger goes ahead. Think they have done for languages and iirc a poster on here had a dc at Kent doing some sort of more specialised degree and recruitment for that degree was stopped when she was already a student.

yes they have to “teach the course out” but they can only do it to the extent that they have staff. And of course lecturers don’t hang around for three years when the writing is on the wall. So suddenly you’re halfway through a degree course and you find your only options are more mainstream physics ones as nobody is left who can teach astronomy or space science. It’s a possibility.

thats what happened to that Mumsnetters Dd, suddenly the modules she was expecting weren’t available.

Edinburgh seems to have its own microclimate, warmer than most of Scotland. How about going on about the Festival.

Surely the wish is that she’ll very soon NOT be wanting to go home at weekends anyway, so choosing the inferior uni and course is a very silly idea indeed, quite apart from the ultimate worth of her studies. Is there a boyfriend involved here?

She has the most thrilling opportunities on offer; I do hope she’ll make the mature decision, which also happens to promise the most fun and adventure.

Being Edinburgh to London distance away from home will be incredibly hard for her. Her reasons for not wanting to go there are completely fair.

Saying “how do I make her change her mind” is very wrong of you. This is her decision. You can’t make her miserable and struggling for years just because you think the school is a little better.

This is her decision. Respect it.