To think my DD should go to Edinburgh Uni instead of Kent?

[Girlypops154]

My DD has been accepted to Edinburgh to study Astrophysics and she has also been accepted to Kent University. We live outside of London and she says wants to be closer to home but I say she should go to Scotland because it’s a better university (she has also been accepted to St Andrews but we prefer Edinburgh). We are in a blessed position that we can afford the extra year up there. How do I get to change her mind as she has her mind now set on Kent but I really think going to an RG would be far better. She’s now getting annoyed at me because I keep insisting on Edinburgh. She has also been accepted to Durham and Aberystwyth but neither of them have got back to us yet. Any advice or am I being unreasonable? Thank you.

How often has she been to Edinburgh and has she done it by train? Edinburgh /London is a great train journey - lots of us do it often for work. To me the two cities are very easy to travel between despite the distance.
But there are lots of other ways kent and Edinburgh will be different cultures- is she maybe a bit intimidated by Edinburgh? It does have a lot of very confident students - privileged and intelligent and self confident.

I can't remember my parents saying much beyond well done and how proud they were when I told them what uni I had accepted then they helped me sort practicalities of accommodation/moving etc.
I find it really odd you think you can insist where your child goes?

I work in physics in Scotland l. In terms of astrophysics and university experience St Andrews is a better dept it’s great. Edinburgh is fantastic too but St As is better. Edinburgh though is great for city life though for someone from London the charm of St Andrews would be better. I wouldn’t go to Kent, there isn’t much info on their department and it’s not in the top physics unis. If she wants to stay closer to home Imperial college would be better half way Manchester had a fabulous astrophysics course. Good luck.

I agree with a PP that it must be an informed decision and if she wants to be closer to home, then maybe she should defer a year and apply to somewhere prestigious like Imperial

I think parents can have a say when they will often be paying for accommodation etc plus when they know that domestic universities are a “passport “to onward careers and might have better teaching

4 of her 5 choices are ridiculous for someone who wants to stay near London, but Durham and Edinburgh are an easy, if not especially speedy or cheap, train journey from London.
You have to take league tables with a pinch of salt but student satisfaction is far worse at Kent (ranked 44th) vs Edinburgh (14th) so it does seem like an odd choice to avoid a train journey half a dozen times a year. Unless she actually is planning on living at home and that’s the issue?
You can’t and shouldn’t be talking her in or out of anything but she could perhaps go to Edinburgh for a few days before she needs to firm/insure to see what she thinks and check out what she can target through clearing that may be better than Kent but closer than Edinburgh. Can she reject everything and reapply through UCAS Extra? I can’t remember what the rules are with that. Ultimetly you can’t make her do anything, and if you do and she hates it she’s made your mistake rather than her own.
Be wary or anywhere going bust - friend dd just started a joint honours with MFL at Nottingham and they binned off the MFL part after the first few weeks.

I went to Edinburgh uni. Fern Brady talks about going there in her autobiography and it was painfully accurate, even though she was there a few years later than me. Lot of poshos and a divide between local and working class students and the rah rah jolly japes and old school ties crowd. Not sure what it's like now. But anyway, it needs to be her choice, surely? And most parents these days are normally breathing a sigh of relief if their kids want to remain a bit closer to home. Don't get me wrong, it's good for some to spread their wings, but it doesn't always work out well going far away.

she has also been accepted to St Andrews but we prefer Edinburgh

Who is 'we' in this sentence? Because it should be her choice, it doesn't really matter what you would prefer.

All you can do is give her advice, and then let her make her own choice. Ultimately she needs to go somewhere that she feels she would be happy. She won't do well somewhere that she doesn't like, however good the uni is.

she has also been accepted to St Andrews but we prefer Edinburgh

Who is 'we' in this sentence? Because it should be her choice, it doesn't really matter what you would prefer.

All you can do is give her advice, and then let her make her own choice. Ultimately she needs to go somewhere that she feels she would be happy. She won't do well somewhere that she doesn't like, however good the uni is.

It's her uni, if she wants to go to Kent, let her go to Kent

"We"....its not we here, its "her" and her alone

Back off @Girlypops154, you sound overbearing.

Not intending to be provocative at all, but are you absolutely certain she was accepted to all those universities? I wonder if saying that she wants to stay close to home is a way of her saving face.

If you’re certain, then I would try to understand why she’s so keen to stay close. Are there any other redeeming factors of Kent university that’s swaying her decision? And what support can you offer to make universities further afield less daunting, could you visit the universities with her perhaps. Ultimately it is her choice, but I understand your hesitation and would try to encourage her to think carefully about all her choices.

Another thing which may be an advantage in Edinburgh (or st A) is that the course structure will allow her considerable leeway to change direction if she doesn't like Astrophysics as much as she hopes. So it's a safer choice if she's wobbling at all over the course.
St A is a serious hike from London; somehow that last 1.5-2 hours from Edinburgh feels interminable. But Edinburgh is easy by train or plane. Durham is super easy; less than 3 hours on a direct train.

Please-as a parent with two happy, well adjusted and career driven young adults-let her go where she wants. Be happy that she has good choices. My son missed his grades at A level-so I encouraged him to go to clearing. He was adamant he wanted to go to his first choice and do a foundation year. A wise friend told me to back off-if he goes to his uni and it doesn’t work out, he!ll put it down to experience. If it doesn’t work out through clearing, he’ll blame you. Let her be enthusiastic about her choice rather than having arguments about where she should go. She can do a masters with that extra year-as did my son in Astrophysics at a different uni Manchester-where it really helped him land his job

My sister went to Edinburgh, it was really good lots going on there for students. It really got her on the stepping stone for a career path in London where she lives now with her partner that she met in Edinburgh.
I think that your daughter would be crazy to choose Kent- a Uni in crisis over such an established safe bet.

Not sure what the donut is for Edinburgh is on average about 3 degrees colder than Kent. Maybe stop eating donuts and study facts!

Let her choose. If being near to home is important to her, and she gets good grades gently point out that she could apply to the London Unis via clearing, or she could take a gap year, or go to Kent. Validate her right to choose, and her reasons as being important to her and help her to negotiate the process rather than deciding for her.

Back off. She has to make her own decision

Not sure what the donut is for Edinburgh is on average about 3 degrees colder than Kent. Maybe stop eating donuts and study facts!

It's a biscuit.

A whole 3 degrees. What a ridiculous thing to base a major life decision on.

Also adding that Kent is proposong to merge with Greenwich. Its next few years are unlikely to be stable and staff are likely to be demotivated.

Agree it had to be your dd's choice but it must be an informed one.

I don't know where your are based but we are se and equidistant to the airports and I worked out that it was as quick to visit dd, when Edinburgh was in the frame" than some other unis.

I was going to say the same. Out of all the options, St Andrews is the top one. Yes, it is far but if she can't come home every weekend, whether she's in St Andrews, Edinburgh or Durham is much the same in the end. StA also has a lovely student culture.

I used to work in a uni. The majority of students who drop out before Christmas, are the ones who picked the wrong course or uni.
Also, our uni merged 5 departments into 1, and the staff said it was a total nightmare for them and the students. I'd imagine merging 2 universities would be disruptive on an epic scale.
But it's not my decision.
Encourage her to visit her top 2 or 3 choices to help her finalise her decision.

You have to put your own thoughts aside and let her do what she wants. If she isn't happy being so far from home, she may want to drop out and then you'll wish you'd let her do what she wanted.
My son has applied for unis that are all very far from home, and since he is quite a homebody I did suggest that he might apply for some closer ones, but he didn't want to and so I have left him to it.

Not sure when you have to decide by, but could you take a weekend trip to Edinburgh and a day trip to Kent? I'd go to Edinburgh on the train; because I think that would be the way she would be coming home?

You might also see things from her perspective based on the visits too.

It's her decision where she goes...no one else. Yabu to try and push her one way or the other. Let her choose..

It's her decision as she's the one who will be there for 3/4 years. But considering she applied to a lot of uni's a fair way from London I'd want to chat with her (no judgement or pressure) to see what's changed - has she got cold feet, is it because all her friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend is going to Kent, or is it that she never really wanted to go further away but felt pressured to apply to them. If she wants to go closer to home I'd also want to find out if she really wants to go to Kent, or she's chosing that because it's the only close by one she applied to. If it's the latter I'd encourage her to speak to her school to see if she could apply elsewhere through clearing (I don't know what the rules are) or whether she wants to take a gap year and look at other universities in London/the SE.