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Original poster

To ask how you actually vet for men who don’t watch porn?

272 replies

SharpMintBeaker · 01/01/2026 16:32

I’m not here to argue whether porn is okay, I’ve already decided it’s a dealbreaker for me. What I’m trying to figure out is: how do you tell if someone genuinely doesn’t watch it? Men online always say “I don’t watch it anymore” or “only occasionally” but how do you know it’s not just performative?

Has anyone actually dated (or married) a man who’s never been into it? Or gave it up without being guilted into it? If so, how did you know it was real?

OP posts:
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6
Allthesnowallthetime · 02/01/2026 20:47

I'm pretty sure he doesn't. We've been together 35 years and he's quite... innocent, if that's the right word. Squirms at sex scenes in a movie, doesn't know much about it I think

Miltonv · 02/01/2026 20:51

I read that porn use has declined considerably due to the need for men to submit evidence of age on the porn sites.

MunterJobHunter · 02/01/2026 20:58

Miltonv · 02/01/2026 20:51

I read that porn use has declined considerably due to the need for men to submit evidence of age on the porn sites.

No VPN use has increased

my partner doesn’t but he was sexually assaulted as a teen and has never had an interest since

MJEBinAthens · 02/01/2026 21:05

I had a younger colleague at work who was in an office on his own. Apparently he was watching porn from South America (?) that had to be paid for, while he was at work. He got caught because a bill came for over 800 euro and the IT dept quickly found out who is was! Idiot!

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 02/01/2026 21:40

MJEBinAthens · 02/01/2026 21:05

I had a younger colleague at work who was in an office on his own. Apparently he was watching porn from South America (?) that had to be paid for, while he was at work. He got caught because a bill came for over 800 euro and the IT dept quickly found out who is was! Idiot!

Ooooo that reminds me of someone i worked with who downloaded porn pictures and printed them out in the office 😳

about 30 years ago…

Carla786 · 02/01/2026 22:34

Re porn that explicitly shows violence/non consensual scenarios (which could be acting but often are not.. ), there have been some disturbing studies suggesting women are MORE likely than men to watch this.

'After interviewing over 300 regular pornography viewers in a study published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour, Professor Eran Shor found that while most viewers were not interested in watching sexual aggression in pornography, women were more likely than men to say that they enjoyed aggression in the pornography they watch, including harder forms, such as choking. Female viewers were also more likely to report enjoying when female performers expressed pain in response to aggression and were more likely to actively search for aggressive pornography.'

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-021-02053-1#citeas

However, the women in the study who wanted this do they say they wanted to see consensual scenarios. Still disturbing...

Quote :
'In fact, the concept of “consensual aggression” was key in understanding these women’s interest in violent porn. Many of the women in this study found acts such as biting, spanking, hair-pulling, and other kinds of rough handling to be playful and arousing as long as the female performer was giving verbal or facial cues of consent.'

Biting, spanking, hair pulling sound fairly mild, I suppose.... It's more worrying that women are searching for choking 😢

Eran Shor

Professor Stephen Leacock Building, Room 812 855 Sherbrooke Street West Montreal, Quebec H3A 2T7 Email: [email protected] Office: Leacock 812 Office hours: Wednesdays, 10 am - 12 noon Research Areas Biography Publications Research Grants Research Ar...

https://www.mcgill.ca/sociology/contact-us/faculty/shor

PermanentTemporary · 02/01/2026 23:10

There’s few numbers in the Vice article but it’s very clear that the number of women that Prnhun report are searching the site (unsure how they know this; Prnhub is a free site and the study was done before the online safety act) is supposed to be much smaller than the number of men. Which means the group of supposed women searching the site is not necessarily typical of other women.

Carla786 · 02/01/2026 23:16

TiredofLDN · 01/01/2026 16:53

Not entirely sure if there’s any way except asking and trusting the answer is honest.

Porn is also now so mainstream/ porn tropes so ubiquitous in culture, im not 100% sure how you draw the line? Is it never watching actual porn films? Is ethical porn okay? What about Only Fans? Or following instagram profiles of women who are posing provocatively?

Im not saying what you want isn’t achievable, I just wonder how easy it is to find- and I fear it could end up being something you could end up “policing”‘in a relationship, which also feels icky.

Edited

Onlyfans often involves coercion too, according to reports.

Instagram profiles....probably the most likely to be a willing person (ofc not certain) but also the closest to cheating imo as tye person is identifiable and following them brings a parasocial aspect..

Bleachedjeans · 02/01/2026 23:18

LOADS of men like porn. They can’t help it. 🤣

Carla786 · 02/01/2026 23:18

PermanentTemporary · 02/01/2026 23:10

There’s few numbers in the Vice article but it’s very clear that the number of women that Prnhun report are searching the site (unsure how they know this; Prnhub is a free site and the study was done before the online safety act) is supposed to be much smaller than the number of men. Which means the group of supposed women searching the site is not necessarily typical of other women.

Exactly! Sorry, I should have made this clear : MRAs will use that study to make it seem like women drive the demand for violent porn.

This is NOT true. Women are only about 30% of the users, and while most men don't watch violent porn, the men who do, watch it obsessively and drive the demand. Most women don't watch porn, and while most men watch some, most do not like violent scenes, choking etc

Carla786 · 02/01/2026 23:20

PermanentTemporary · 02/01/2026 23:10

There’s few numbers in the Vice article but it’s very clear that the number of women that Prnhun report are searching the site (unsure how they know this; Prnhub is a free site and the study was done before the online safety act) is supposed to be much smaller than the number of men. Which means the group of supposed women searching the site is not necessarily typical of other women.

Supposed women?

Now,,that's a good point...some of these 'women' searching for violence might be transwomen...

GooseberryGreen · 02/01/2026 23:24

If my husband has watched porn he has never mentioned it in over 30 years. To be honest we've never discussed the matter.

NattyQuail · 02/01/2026 23:43

If your partner has the 'death' grip, struggles to cum during relaxed sex, has to have sex rough and spanks you, then I'd say they definitely watch porn. Also likes to have hands round neck, too.

NattyQuail · 02/01/2026 23:44

They pull your hair quite a lot as well. All classic signs of this industry.

joeninetey · 03/01/2026 18:37

I most certainly do not view such horrific stuff, wouldn't try to access it, actually I wouldn't even know how to access such stuff, even if I did want to.

Sharpzebra · 03/01/2026 19:47

My DH doesn't watch it he's not really a person to use online platforms etc either he doesn't even use Facebook theirs no answer to your question really you can only accept their saying they don't or don't dare them

Andyouvewonyourbusfarehome · 03/01/2026 23:27

It absolutely is not all men....
I have 3 sons, mid 20's...we have talked openly about such things. It amazes me how thoughtful and educated they are around the subject. 1 of them watches very occasionally, if single. The other 2 don't at all - both in relationships & 1 especially sees it as being unfaithful, as one of many reasons for not. They have all, unsurprisingly, seen it in the past, and 1 had a phase of viewing compulsively. But they never watch now. Interestingly they say that quite a few of their friends are rebelling against this heavily sexualised culture they find themselves in, & hate how it is thrust upon them at any given opportunity through "thirst traps" etc.....there is hope!! Sadly they also talk of friends who are viewing compulsively/addicted to the detriment of their mental & sexual health.
They aren't religious 😂but have been to University & listened to a wide range of opinions on it, researched much around the subject & it's effects on relationships/society at large. My husband doesn't watch either - he was careful not to be too moralistic about his opinions but maybe he influenced.

JHound · 03/01/2026 23:51

I don’t even know if it’s possible to vet for this. I would not trust any man to tell the truth.

JHound · 03/01/2026 23:55

Carla786 · 02/01/2026 22:34

Re porn that explicitly shows violence/non consensual scenarios (which could be acting but often are not.. ), there have been some disturbing studies suggesting women are MORE likely than men to watch this.

'After interviewing over 300 regular pornography viewers in a study published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour, Professor Eran Shor found that while most viewers were not interested in watching sexual aggression in pornography, women were more likely than men to say that they enjoyed aggression in the pornography they watch, including harder forms, such as choking. Female viewers were also more likely to report enjoying when female performers expressed pain in response to aggression and were more likely to actively search for aggressive pornography.'

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-021-02053-1#citeas

However, the women in the study who wanted this do they say they wanted to see consensual scenarios. Still disturbing...

Quote :
'In fact, the concept of “consensual aggression” was key in understanding these women’s interest in violent porn. Many of the women in this study found acts such as biting, spanking, hair-pulling, and other kinds of rough handling to be playful and arousing as long as the female performer was giving verbal or facial cues of consent.'

Biting, spanking, hair pulling sound fairly mild, I suppose.... It's more worrying that women are searching for choking 😢

That doesn’t say women are more likely to watch this type of porn than men.

Janecat23 · 04/01/2026 00:00

I think there are men who don’t watch porn. My husband doesn’t, my brother in law doesn’t and is very anti porn as he’s v pro women.
how you can tell? Well radar a bit, asking them, maybe less likely if they are deeply religious.
there are good men out there. Good luck

Carla786 · 04/01/2026 00:03

JHound · 03/01/2026 23:55

That doesn’t say women are more likely to watch this type of porn than men.

Show quote history

It does, doesn't it?

women were more likely than men to say that they enjoyed aggression in the pornography they watch, including harder forms, such as choking. Female viewers were also more likely to report enjoying when female performers expressed pain in response to aggression and were more likely to actively search for aggressive pornography.'

Women who watch porn are a minority of women though, and a minority of porn viewers overall.

Carla786 · 04/01/2026 00:04

JHound · 03/01/2026 23:51

I don’t even know if it’s possible to vet for this. I would not trust any man to tell the truth.

I agree...

Tattiana · 04/01/2026 00:06

Andyouvewonyourbusfarehome · 03/01/2026 23:27

It absolutely is not all men....
I have 3 sons, mid 20's...we have talked openly about such things. It amazes me how thoughtful and educated they are around the subject. 1 of them watches very occasionally, if single. The other 2 don't at all - both in relationships & 1 especially sees it as being unfaithful, as one of many reasons for not. They have all, unsurprisingly, seen it in the past, and 1 had a phase of viewing compulsively. But they never watch now. Interestingly they say that quite a few of their friends are rebelling against this heavily sexualised culture they find themselves in, & hate how it is thrust upon them at any given opportunity through "thirst traps" etc.....there is hope!! Sadly they also talk of friends who are viewing compulsively/addicted to the detriment of their mental & sexual health.
They aren't religious 😂but have been to University & listened to a wide range of opinions on it, researched much around the subject & it's effects on relationships/society at large. My husband doesn't watch either - he was careful not to be too moralistic about his opinions but maybe he influenced.

Yeah. Or…maybe your sons just don’t want to tell their mammy that they watch porn…

JHound · 04/01/2026 00:17

Carla786 · 04/01/2026 00:03

It does, doesn't it?

women were more likely than men to say that they enjoyed aggression in the pornography they watch, including harder forms, such as choking. Female viewers were also more likely to report enjoying when female performers expressed pain in response to aggression and were more likely to actively search for aggressive pornography.'

Women who watch porn are a minority of women though, and a minority of porn viewers overall.

Edited
Show quote history

No it doesn’t. It said of 300 regular porn watchers surveyed, women were more likely to say they enjoyed that type of porn than men.

But far more men than women watch porn to begin with. So it’s not correct to say women are more likely to watch violent porn than men. Only a tiny minority of women watch any kind of porn to begin with.