To ask how you actually vet for men who don’t watch porn?

[SharpMintBeaker]

I’m not here to argue whether porn is okay, I’ve already decided it’s a dealbreaker for me. What I’m trying to figure out is: how do you tell if someone genuinely doesn’t watch it? Men online always say “I don’t watch it anymore” or “only occasionally” but how do you know it’s not just performative?

Has anyone actually dated (or married) a man who’s never been into it? Or gave it up without being guilted into it? If so, how did you know it was real?

@LadyBlakeneysHanky

Think about sex with your partner. Does he ever look at his own penis as it moves in and out of you? That’s because of porn.

What??

Without getting into the question of how batshit crazy that is - especially the emphasis on 'ever' - can we just address the issue of what it means if a woman ever looks at that? Or is that prospect too shocking even to be considered?

Excellent on the scale.
Looking at an Anne summers catalogue?
Looking at what once was top shelf magazines?
Looking at stills of naked/semi dressed women?
Video streams of women
Video streams of "normal" sex
Extreme streams?

You really just have to trust that they’re telling you the truth, unless you have a concrete reason not to believe them.

If your attitude at the beginning of a relationship is ‘well he’s definitely going to lie to me, how do I trick him into telling the truth’ then it’s never going to be a healthy or happy one

What disgusting pigs men are.
My daughter works in the theatre department of my hospital. Just recently they were doing a circumcision on a young(ish) adult, under local anaesthetic. He spent the entire time regaling the anaesthetic nurse looking after him with details of his porn and masturbation habits. She is an innocent soul (or was until her dealings with this chap) and was thoroughly shocked and disgusted. At the end the surgeon said “No porn or masturbation for two weeks” which was a cue for further vile vulgarity.
Why should we have to put up with that shit.

Hold out for someone decent or don’t bother OP.

I recommend this podcast @SharpMintBeaker

I had no idea about Hugh Hefner and Marilyn Monroe.
Really horrible.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/subject-to-power/id1649558183?i=1000614060897

You can't tell. People are turned on by different things. Some men don't get a thrill from pictures and videos, while others have a very dysfunctional relationship with it and can't get turned on by anything else.

I have never understood what men get out of watching porn but I accept that (nearly) all of them watch it and there is nothing that can be done to stop it. It goes back almost to the dawn of time.

It’s possible I’m married to someone who doesn’t watch it but I don’t think I’ve ever asked and I don’t know what he does when I’m not around. I don’t think it would necessarily be a dealbreaker (depending on the type of porn of course) but it would probably make me see him in a somewhat different light if I found out he did.

Orgasms, is what they get out of it

Lie detector app

In my experience, they all watch it.

I remember when I was 18 and made my long term boyf promise not to watch it. He was such a genuine guy and I believed him when he said he’d stop watching it. I went through his laptop history one day (Yes, I was clearly a psycho), and found porn in his recent history.

I’m sure there are some Men out there who don’t watch it, but I think in the whole they do & will probably just lie to you about it.

I’ve accepted it as the norm for men now. I assume my partner watches it and I’m not fussed, but it definitely used to creep me out.

Perspective of a 45yo man, for what it's worth.
I used porn when younger, it was when I was in my mid 20s that I began to think about what was being shown. I was never into anything but couples having sex or women masturbating, however it occurred to me that I had no idea of what coercion or circumstances lead to the woman being involved in porn. I stopped using it, which is not to say I didn't relapse occasionally, but certainly I had stopped completely before I was 30.
Looking back it horrifies me that the questions around the welfare of the women didn't occur to me earlier.
Nowadays being the father of 2 daughters it terrifies me what effect the porn that seems prevalent these days is having on boys. What sort of partner will my daughters have, should they be heterosexual, in the future.
As for asking a man if he watches porn, well an outright question risks an outright lie. The posters that suggest questions like what porn do you like are more on the money in finding the truth, in my opinion.
In the end it boils down to trust and to learning about the person as any relationship develops.

My ex told me he didn’t watch porn. He was a strict Christian. I discovered after a while he had a serious addiction to it and, unfortunately, it had twisted his understanding of what a healthy sex life was which ended our marriage. Porn addiction ends a lot of relationships...it's just hard for people to tell people that. Unfortunately I don't know how you can tell early on.

I'm a man, I haven't watched a "blue movie" as we called them since uni days, did we then, yep - on VHS!! three lads sharing a flat, did we have a Pirelli calendar in the kitchen, indeed, and a copy of mayfair in the magazine rack, yes also.

I think any man who tells you he has never watched porn in some format is most likely not on the level, and probably just saying so because he's embarrassed of his teenage laddishness.

Most men and most women use porn. I suspect that the stats for the latter are even more underreported, as the shame factor in self-reporting is probably a bit higher. So maybe 90% vs 75%?

That doesn’t really make it a full-blown gender issue.

Any man who says he doesn’t watch porn is lying.
Trust me I’m right.

Do blind men listen to porn?

I reckon nearly all men watch or have watched porn…. I think you’d struggle to find one who hadnt and never would again!!

The crucial difference here is the ubiquity and mainstream acceptance of a deeply exploitative industry. Those behaviours were considered rightly morally distasteful at the time, whereas porn for many people is just “something my husband watches for fun when I’m away”.

yes but did just as many men wank over porn while putting on a show of it being "morally distasteful"? Is it just more out in the open today?

Look at male, or mostly male, forums. Plenty of men make sweeping statements about most men watching porn . Are they also objectifying men?

Exactly! Reddit is a cesspit, full of disgusting porn subs.

Do you think just obviously low life men watch porn? What do you think of surveys with 75% of UK men admitting to having watched porn?

Thank you for this post.

It seems that actual trafficking is probably fairly low at least for studio films rather than YouTube etc.

But someone may enter willing and often get pressured to do stuff they don't want. Not only women. Male porn stars have spoken of being pressured to go 'gay for pay' and made to take drugs to retain a constant erection which have caused terrible health issues.

Both female and male porn actors have spoken of pressure & blacklisting threat to go through with acts and partners they're not comfortable with

'they just drew or painted naked women, or bought drawings and paintings other men had done.'

If you draw and paint a naked woman, obviously there are issues of exploitation of models. But let's say someone does it without a model.

Is a painting of a naked woman really wrong in the way filmed paid sex is? If someone draws using idk anatomy books or some generic combination, so a real person's body is not being used, then is that wrong?

I'm strongly against filmed paid sex (ie porn) but some people here seem against any erotic stimuli and that seems too much imo.

To posters who think painting naked women is wrong : what about gay men or straight women looking at paintings of naked men? Is that wrong? Or lesbians looking at paintings of women? Is that wrong?