Cafes should have 2 lines...

[Mysterian]

...one for people like me who want sensible drinks like a cup of tea, and one for those who want freaky complicated things requiring bizarre steampunk looking machinery that take as much as 45 minutes to prepare. Take your order for a wombat milk frappy-mocha foam with cream and splash of smugness syrup and get out my way.
2 lines. One with a sign saying "Normal" above it and one saying "Can't Understand Normal Tea Stuff" overhead.
I sometimes have a hot chocolate, but without the la-di-da stuff like cream and chocolate powder. Like John Wayne or Jesus would have had.

Sounds like the one at Wimpole that opens after all the runners have left!

I think this was a Ricky Gervais bit from like 2015

God yes. And like PPs, a queue for those who fart about at the till digging out bloody endless coupons from the bottom of their bag only to be told they’ve expired to be followed by protestations of anger THEN start trawling around for loose change to buy a massive trolley load. I could honestly throat punch these idiots.

I had my break today went to a Starbucks only place open for coffee in the whole of town & within walking distance from my workplace had 20 mins, stood behind a family who couldn't decide what they wanted, spent best part of 10 mins faffing about, I quickly ordered my drink, luckily was made pretty quick & had minutes to get back to work, was so pissed off my break was literally standing & waiting for other people who had all the time in the world to order, eat & drink. Coffee went cold so wasted my money as well.

OMG! Hard agree from me.
I dint drink coffee, i just want a cup of tea,queuing in costa or similar uses up too much time.
The real mystery to me is why ,when im with teen DDs , does the barista seem ro be able to make complicated drinks quicker than a simple cup.of tea! . Often i just want to hop over to the otherside of the counter and do it myself!!
If we can have supermarket check outs with 9 items ir less why cant ww have a queue in coffee shops for tea and bottled drinks!

Brilliant idea. I would love this cafe!

Christmas is worse for it tbf. All the zillion coffees on offer plus some additional ones which staff aren’t used to making, so take more time. Gingerbread flavoured lattes, coffee with snowmen shapes (obvs a bit more complex than the heart designs…), turkey and stuffing flavoured coffees, coffees with Father Christmas faces shaped into the froth.

Really? What about those who are travelling for work and don’t live in the area? Are they not allowed a normal coffee or tea when they’re away from home just because you said so?

Could we also 2 queues at Bus Stops.

One for people for know where they are going and have their fare, and ticket ready etc
.
.And the others for who think that you have all the time in the world to wait for them to get their act togther .

Plenty of peri menopausal women on mn seem to think only their time matters.

I would personally separate 'grab and go' - i.e. anything that only needs to be scanned and paid for - from anything that needs to be made, such as hot drinks or bespoke sandwiches, unless they have the kind of set up where you pay and then move to a different part of the counter to wait for your hot drink etc.

Please, for the love of God, can this Americanisation stop. The word is ‘queue’. They use ‘line’ in the U.S.

M&S foodhall is my place to want to deck folks. Stand in a long queue with a sandwich and get lots of older people (of which I am one) who dithering about once they get to cashier, take forever to pack their shopping THEN look for their "sparks" card and payment!!! Finally find card at bottom of huge bag then ask several times how much before changing their minds and paying cash. Yet more searching for the correct money and more of my life lost waiting. As for those who pack at the tills at Aldi rather than at the packing bench they need tazering. The reason your prices have gone up is because the scan rates are down due to you packing your months grocery shop into specific colour coded bags at the till 🤬 But thats humans for you 🤷

How do you solve a problem like me?

*I love cake a cafe.
*I hate coffee. All coffee.
*I only drink tea or hot chocolate but
sometimes I don't want all the sweetness of a HC.
*I am nowhere near 80 😄.

I often wish in shops there was a line for people who know what they want, and another for people who want to know the full extent of exact contents of the menu, throwing in their life story as well and adding in variations on the order for the exclusion of bits they don’t like. And another for staff to be guaranteed not to try and upsell you stuff.

You are soooo right!! Especially when in a pub (A PUB!!!) with one server and the person in front wants 6 mocha choccas with extra shots and whipped cream ….. I only want a glass of Malbec!!

Absolutely! I would love this.

Although 9 times out of 10 I'd be in the dickhead queue. I'm always lured in by some frappichino of the week or what have you. Like a stupid beverage magpie. And then bitterly disappointed by my saccharine sweet cup of tepid and wishing I'd just got a tea.

In my local beach cafe I’d like 2 queues, one for those who know their table number and know what they want to order. A second queue for those who don’t know the table number, don’t know what they want til they get to their turn to be served, have a big discussion about the choices, ask if they can swap some of the sides, don’t know what the others want( those sitting at the unknown table number) so that they send one person off to find out what aunty gill wants and who wants white bread and who wants brown bread.
Despite huge display boards outside, menus on every table, along the walls inside and above the counter plus a huge notice that you have to walk past which says “ please take note of your table number before queueing”.
The lovely staff have the patience of saints.

I for one am delighted with Oyster and Key Smartcards, never having to queue behind some old biddy who wants to know how to get to Skegness and back for the cheapest price, and THEN doesn’t even buy a ticket!

Tea just needs a vending machine arrangement. Chose your tea bag, then a dispenser of the correct temperature water.

Getting the correct temperature water would be amazing. Most places throw boiling water on green tea (should be 70-80 degrees). I should probably be in the complicated queue for my green tea as i always ask for the bag on the side and a glass of cold water so I can avoid scalding the tea.

Yes, I make my green tea at home at 80, oolong at 90.

It drives me mad how coffee drinkers can have the world on a stick and I can't even get water at the right temperature.

I'd vote for 2 queues in all shops - clothes/supermarkets etc at Christmas time. One queue for normal shopping and a separate queue for all things Christmassy.

I know. I was in a very fancy hotel which had a very fancy tea room with a huge tea menu and the manager was amazed when I told her the different temperatures needed for different teas. At least she seemed interested in learning. I sent her off to the solaris botanicals website which is where I buy my tea. They have a page on water temperature. Their boxes of tea also have the correct temperature on them.