Cafes should have 2 lines...

[Mysterian]

...one for people like me who want sensible drinks like a cup of tea, and one for those who want freaky complicated things requiring bizarre steampunk looking machinery that take as much as 45 minutes to prepare. Take your order for a wombat milk frappy-mocha foam with cream and splash of smugness syrup and get out my way.
2 lines. One with a sign saying "Normal" above it and one saying "Can't Understand Normal Tea Stuff" overhead.
I sometimes have a hot chocolate, but without the la-di-da stuff like cream and chocolate powder. Like John Wayne or Jesus would have had.

I haven’t been in a line since I was at school.

Do you know .... and hear me out.... I was thinking of standing for Reform MP in my area. Low workload, only need to go to London to vote when Nigel goes (twice a year) and I could get on with important things in my local area, like pot holes, hospitals and blitzing those queues!
I don't agree with any of their policies but I don't think that matters, I could look wide eyed and confused if anyone asked me about them.

I was also thinking of setting up a starter Subway, a safe space for people new to Subway, where they could make mistakes and learn before entering a real Subway.
Or maybe Subway ambassadors, people who would go with people if it was their first time. Also Nandos, for a first timer, you never know how much you can do yourself and what you have to leave to the staff to do for you.

Yet, posters know what they mean.

Wow, so many miserable people about on NYE, particularly the pp who didn't know the difference between a barista and baritone, lol! I love good coffee and coffee shops and even as an impatient person, can bear to wait. I don't go to Starbucks or Costa though, so the clientele might be different

Oh yes. And when they finally find their credit card they have forgotten their code. And they have to call their spouse. And rambling "oh, he's not answering, he must be out. I will try again. And then when he does answer they start talking about why he didn't answer the first time. "Didn't you hear the phone. I'm shopping. Yes, I got the cheese but they were out of the spread you like. ""

I could have been in prison now but I controlled myself enough to just say oh ffs loudly and got a stern look from a Lady infront of me. Can't believe I was the only one fuming. They must have all been smoking something to be so calm.

Can we have 1 queue and 2 lines at railway stations?
Queue closer to the train you're getting on, not across the platform.

1 line for meandering along because you've got all the time in the world and no place to be.

And the most important line for passengers who've got connecting trains to catch, multiple staircases to navigate to get to the right platform and suitcases to carry.

Any bar with a big queue can piss off. I usually get served straight away or they have table service when I go somewhere that does good cocktails, and you certainly don't feel you are holding up someone's half a pint of mild.

I’ve only had this issue when it’s busy and there is new staff otherwise rarely an issue.

I love my local Starbucks. The ladies behind the counter are absolutely lovely and they remember my drink order. It’s the only place that is open past 8pm that is usually quiet and not a pub, restaurant or gym.

You don't need a separate line for that, you just need to give bar staff permission to whap them over the head with a metal bar tray if they leave the Guinness to the end of their order. Guinness first, and the other drinks get sorted while it's standing. Guinness last, and you get walloped cross-eyed. They'd soon learn...

That’s lovely

I’m so glad someone said this!

Can we have a separate set of weights machines at the gym? One set for those who want to use them for their intended purpose and one set for those who just want to sit on them playing on their phone.

I was at an All Inclusive hotel last month, and wanted a white wine. Only one bartender serving, and everyone else wanted fancy cocktails. The bottle of wine was within my reach, although there were no glasses on the counter. Why oh why not just have a big ice bucket on the counter with bottles in, and glasses, so we can self serve? I had to wait 15 sodding minutes for a glass of wine.

A line at airport for families with toddlers/babies/buggies and a one for everyone else.

Hate getting stuck behind a family, they have to collapse the buggy, take the baby out, tidy away the entertainment they’ve had out. Then sort themselves. It takes forever. I always used to approach the security lines when this was us with military precision and organisation. Always astounds me when parents get to the front of the queue and seem almost suprised they’re there. Usually it’s the mum sorting everyone and the Partner spending ages getting his belt off and faffing around them contributing little.

I think Spain manage this so much better. When we used to take our little one they always had little play pens in-between the security lines so you could stick the kids in and sort yourselves out without them making a run for it like a scene out of mission impossible.

Not everyone is as amazing as you I guess 🙄

I remember when I went to Dublin all the half filled pint glasses of Guinness behind the bar ready to be topped up!

I agree with this to a point ... but if I'm expected to bag everything then and there sensibly and get it back in the cart, I'm still going to need an extra few seconds to pull out my card and use it after all that.

Why I prefer scanners and bagging as I go through for big shops

Evidently not.

But everyone could be ready - they know what they need to do before they get to the front of the line

Agree. I have been going in the same coffee shop for years and having the same drink,so the staff know what I'm having. I get utterly exasperated (and exhausted as I'm disabled) standing behind someone who is faffing about for eternity,either not knowing what they want, asking a dozen questions about things (I mean,why?!) or changing their mind several times. I was behind a woman in the queue a couple of weeks ago and I nearly gave up the will to live when she changed her mind for the fourth time about what she wanted. Just bloody decide before you get to the ordering point what you want! It's not that difficult,is it?!

Ordering Guinness last is only a problem if you have incompetent bar staff who are incapable of serving more than 1 person at a time. If you order it last, you may end up waiting a bit longer yourself if the bar tender doesn't start pulling it first regardless of the order specified but it shouldn't impact on the next person as the bar tender will serve them while waiting for it to settle.

The Pensioners Post Office - open 2 hrs a day between 12-2pm as this seems to be the only time they can find in their day of doing sweet fuck all to pay their 9 million bills because they don’t they don’t trust direct debit.

This will leave The Everyone Else Post Office, for those of us dashing in to drop off a pre-paid return on our lunch break without a 10 mile queue.

Preferably with a trapdoor to Hell underneath.

Plenty of pensioners are not doing sweet fuck all. Many are caring for grandchildren, disabled children, their spouse, volunteering and some are even still working.

It always amazes me that some people are arrogant enough to think that everyone else should plan their day around complete strangers and their wants/needs.

And want to have tedious conversations with with (aka talk AT) the cashier who has to feign interest whilst reconsidering their life choices.