Cafes should have 2 lines...

[Mysterian]

...one for people like me who want sensible drinks like a cup of tea, and one for those who want freaky complicated things requiring bizarre steampunk looking machinery that take as much as 45 minutes to prepare. Take your order for a wombat milk frappy-mocha foam with cream and splash of smugness syrup and get out my way.
2 lines. One with a sign saying "Normal" above it and one saying "Can't Understand Normal Tea Stuff" overhead.
I sometimes have a hot chocolate, but without the la-di-da stuff like cream and chocolate powder. Like John Wayne or Jesus would have had.

Oh yes, the endless fucking banging of the little thing that holds the coffee, and wiping nozzles with cloths. Absolute ponce-fest.

Yep just give me an instant rather than all that hyped up, inflated ingredient list beverage.

I voted nbu based on this line alone

Can I have a third line? For people with allergies who don't want to be penalised? Yes, I'm ordering a drink with oat milk... Not because I want a fancy coffee, but because I don't want to have a medical episode.

Teas so boring to have at a cafe. You can make that at home to the same standard.

I think they have this right in the US, there is usually a pot of drip coffee available for people who just want “a cup of coffee”, not a whole performance.

This. And also aisles for people who weave from side to side and/or park their trolley in the middle of a fucking aisle while they wander off.

And a special supermarket for those who chat to their friends, both holding trolleys blocking an entire aisle.

Turning the tide of coffee drinking like an under-caffinated Canute is my main personality trait.

Power to the tea drinkers op. 💪 I stand beside you in the normal queue.

You can have a license to join the normal crew.

There should be a special place in hell for those people who get to the till, get asked if they have a loyalty card and act surprised that they need it. Cue digging about in pockets or bags, muttering it's here somewhere, finally locating it and scanning it. Then they have to put it back in its place and faff about finding their payment card, which is never ever ever in the same place as the loyalty card. Cue more hunting for the payment card. Cashback madam/ sir? Simple question, I'm not bloody asking you for the meaning of life or to solve the Middle East problem, yes or no?
As you might guess, I work on a till and I get this every single day. The temptation to rip their wallet out of their hands and get the bloody cards that I CAN SEE, BRIAN, WHY CAN'T YOU, is great.
I love my job but blimey, some days!

God i'd love to see someone do a really bad Duke impression - including the walk - to request a coffee, ma'am, from the littl' lady.

There should definitely be a line for stupid people at the airport. The stuff people think they can take through security is insane.

I don't drink it so I have no idea but why does a caramel latte take longer than a normal one?

Don't they just tip a bit of syrup in?

This! Who’s paying for tea or americano!

Very strange behaviour

Stations should have gates marked for organised people who are primed and ready to go through, and gates for faffers. You know the sort, walk confidently up to the gate, then stop and start the Rummage of Despond trying to find their ticket/card/brain. Faffers should also have their own dedicated circle of hell.

I don’t live in France but my local bakery serves hot baguettes and has no separate line for those who just want to pick up a crusty roll. No, you have to wait while the meat is selected, carved and adorned with sauces or worse the egg/bacon/ sausage is cooked. Outrageous. I gave up going in years back.

Like Jesus would have had 😂

You know I think you might be on to something

Can we have a line for people who know what they want, and have money ready

I'm not sure if I'm allowed in the normal queue for a flat white?

Also the people who get to the front of the queue at airport security and have to be told to take their coats off, told to take their belt off, told to take electronics out and then told to empty their pockets; having walked past a million signs and ignored several announcements.

I’d love these at airport security. One line for people who know what the fuck is going on and the other for people who have no clue what might happen next despite the fact there are clear signs and instructions several times over.

I feel your pain on this. I had exactly that on Monday in a very busy Morrisons.

She took ages to go through the checkout and at the other end, instead of packing the trolley and moving away, stood there putting items into different bags, chatting to the checkout lady, then she looked for her purse, then had to move round to the card reader, then sloooowwwwllly moved back to her trolley to put her card back in her purse and zip up her bag before gradually moving away still yakking to the cashier as she went.

Dear God, I truly felt murderous that morning.

@Chemengeroooh! Jinx!

II think I have found 'my people' 😂
I feel the rage -
Pavement dawdlers
Mocha caramelatte iced drink people
Those that stand in doorways/ top of escalators/ middle of aisles
The surprise re the loyalty card
The standing in line for 15 minutes to then not know what to order from the menu
Hand holders that take up the whole bloody pavement
People who stand too close in the line - ugh

A line just for first time flyers and people with sensory impairments/other needs? With dedicated staff to guide them through the process? Sounds excellent.

He performed a literal miracle in order to avoid being stuck with only plain water at a wedding so he’d definitely be Team Caramel Latte.