Sister is angry over a car

[Mon85]

Hi
My sister has cut me out of her life because my husband bought the same model car as her! (Different colour). My sister is ten years older than me (she’s 50). I don’t drive, I had no input into his choice of new car. We had a car accident and he needed a new one. We only seen her once a year, live totally different areas, I really didn’t see it being a problem. I heard through family she was furious so my husband contacted her to apologise and tell her it had nothing to do with me! Several weeks later I hadn’t heard anything from her so I sent her a scan picture of my 2nd ivf baby and she totally blanked me. Fast forward a year and she still hasn’t spoken to me. I met her 25 year old daughter for dinner last week and she clarified her mum is still raging and is demanding an apology off me! This is the thing I don’t understand, she is ignoring the fact I’m a non driver, it’s not like I bought the car for my use. She is trying to pin this whole thing on me. For me though this runs deeper on my part now. She has missed out on the birth of my son, ignored my 2 year old daughter, has not acknowledged the baby’s birth and she stopped her husband joining us for dinner last week, told him he’s not allowed to speak to us! I don’t even know what to think, I think the situation is as mad as a box of frogs! Advice would be appreciated thanks

Nice. So not only is she a looney, but she also has no consideration for other road users and has bought a massive car which will cause harm to other people.

I’m at an age where I know plenty of sane, educated and charming women who have had some pretty mad episodes during this period of life, myself included. It’s not derogatory or ageist/sexist or anything else, just a fact that might explain what is, on the face of it, pretty irrational behaviour on the part of @Mon85‘s sister.

Sorry, why did your husband apologise to her? What for? She seems to have taken a neutral event and turned it into some kind of insult. Does she have a personality disorder?

That's madness to cut anyone off because they bought the same car!
For comparison I can tell you that in my family and close friendships we have so many things that are the same! Because one of us bought it and recommended to everyone else if it was good. So we have the same fridge freezers in 3 homes, the same cars in 2, the same sofas in 2. My best friend has similar home decor to mine and I love it. They aren't my competitors in anything, they are my team and I want the best for them.

Could your sister have felt you had copied her with previous things? Clothing, hairstyles, career, lifestyle..perhaps the cars being the same brand has compounded this idea. Alternatively is your husband's car a better or newer model?
Was she extremely proud of purchasing her car and your husband doing so a short time later has wounded her pride?

It may in fact be you having a second child that she could not and she just can't face it so the car has become her reason to be hurt.

It's interesting that your other sibling felt you had done it on purpose so there's some undercurrent there that perhaps you aren't aware of. I would probe this sister more for a reason why they would think that.

This is the weirdest thing to get upset about everything .
My partner bought a 2nd hand car my son bought the same significantly newer version a week later my mother followed suit with a brand new plate a week or 2 later we all laugh about it pngsy light-hearted copying jokes ,,this is crazy

Totally agree. I’m slap bang in the middle of the menopause and I find it really offensive when all sort of batshit and cuntish behaviour is excused as being down to the menopause.

This is her issue and she is the one who needs to apologise.

She is in the wrong.

Nothing you can do except continue to be a good person and continue to speak to your adult niece but do not discuss your sister at all .

She will get bored.

Good luck , this is not on you or your husband .Plenty of people see on TV / newspaper advice on buying a good reliable car and that's all your husband did.

Wait, what?

Why are you and your family tolerating such batshit behaviour?

Can you arrange for someone to torch her car ? That might shut her up.

Thank you.

I'm not diminishing the struggles that some women go through and I have friends who have struggled with it, but none of them behaved irrationally badly like the sister.

Your family are part of the problem. They need to point out her madness to her. Their silence is perpetuating this issue. What do her DC think?

Interesting that another sibling thinks you should apologise. Could you ask her why she thinks that?

Could you ask your crazy sister why she is so upset and just listen, let her vent, ask her questions. Sometimes the act of being 'heard' is enough.

What happens at family get togethers?

Pity her poor husband and consider yourself well out of it.

Batshit crazy.

I ow the sam car as my elder sister. I bought mine after her. Zero issues.

Oh dear! Is she in the know? Hopefully hers isn't one of their basket-case models that's prone to engine failure, suspension and brake problems, and electrical faults (among others). Especially if DH has done his homework and bought one of the more reliable models.

Even though she is your sister, you want these kind of people in your life?

My thought too!

Similar happened with my sister. We'd been really close all our lives but she suddenly started getting jealous, ignoring me, etc around the time our son got a grammar school place. She hadn't even entered her kids for the 11+ so it was really weird that she was bothered. She carried on being really weird for several years, making no contact, stopped buying birthday and christmas presents, never asking about us, etc., and also reducing contact with our parents too! It was only last year that we started communicating again, and now we're best buddies again - she's constantly texting and phoning me now. Funny thing is that she doesn't seem to remember blanking me for so many years. When I've mentioned things, she claims she can't remember why she didn't come to, say, our parent's 50th anniversary meal, nor why she didn't come to us scattering father's ashes - she's not making out she wasn't invited (she was!) but she just says she can't remember why she didn't come, nor why she stopped hosting New Year's day family meal, etc. It's really strange.

Do you really need a batshit crazy freak like this in your life! What does she bring to the party! Nothing! I’d just let her be and concentrate on your own family.

Sorry but your sister has lost the plot! Ignore her and get on with your life. She is a fool and you can’t reason with fools! Take care and enjoy your life, hope someday she realises what a fool she is.

You say that you've spoken to her daughter, @Mon85 . What does she think about her mother's behaviour?

Ffs Range Rover is such a common and sought after car, you and your husband are quite entitled to spend the money you’ve saved on exactly the car you want.

Owning a black Range Rover is a dead giveaway that you’re a member of a (Line of Duty) organised crime gang 😂

When I was a little girl, and my little sister an even littler girl, my mother used to tell me that “imitation is the finest form of flattery” whenever I got upset that she had “coped” me.

There are about half a million range rovers registered as on the road in the uk today. ( I just looked it up)
69 million people...average family of four roughly ?

Means roughly one in 34 families own a range rover.
Not that special at all.

She didn’t see it as a compliment?
I’m staggered that because she bought the car first no one else can follow her choice…I wonder what she did if a friend or neighbour bought identical?

I was so impressed with my god father’s car I persuaded my husband to buy the same make (not model, couldn’t afford it). Forty years later we have still the same make, and my 90 year old uncle has just given up driving and offered us his latest model.

The car companies would all go bust if wee all had to follow her train of thought. Someone in the family needs to tell her to get a grip on life.

🤣🤣🤣 OMG really, Range Rovers are so common, they are hardly a unique car.