Sister is angry over a car

[Mon85]

Hi
My sister has cut me out of her life because my husband bought the same model car as her! (Different colour). My sister is ten years older than me (she’s 50). I don’t drive, I had no input into his choice of new car. We had a car accident and he needed a new one. We only seen her once a year, live totally different areas, I really didn’t see it being a problem. I heard through family she was furious so my husband contacted her to apologise and tell her it had nothing to do with me! Several weeks later I hadn’t heard anything from her so I sent her a scan picture of my 2nd ivf baby and she totally blanked me. Fast forward a year and she still hasn’t spoken to me. I met her 25 year old daughter for dinner last week and she clarified her mum is still raging and is demanding an apology off me! This is the thing I don’t understand, she is ignoring the fact I’m a non driver, it’s not like I bought the car for my use. She is trying to pin this whole thing on me. For me though this runs deeper on my part now. She has missed out on the birth of my son, ignored my 2 year old daughter, has not acknowledged the baby’s birth and she stopped her husband joining us for dinner last week, told him he’s not allowed to speak to us! I don’t even know what to think, I think the situation is as mad as a box of frogs! Advice would be appreciated thanks

Our DD bought a car identical to ours, same make, model and colour, but a couple of years newer than ours. The notion of being jealous is insane, it would never have crossed my mind! We were simply glad that she had bought a safe and reliable car.

Come on! What car is it that she's so jealous about?

You can’t argue with batshit op. I’m sorry she’s caused strife but there’s nothing you can (or should) do about this. Her husband obvs hasn’t got balls enough to tell her she’s bonkers either!

Maybe a personalised plate too (that nobody can decipher).

Prior to this situation, me and my sister spoke over WhatsApp literally every day or two, really got on well! Probably more so than any other of my siblings ( 7 of us altogether). I have never tried to copy her in any way. It’s interesting how a few have picked up on fertility issues. She had her daughter naturally and wanted another when her daughter was a teen and she had a loss and was going to pursue ivf. Our older sister seems to have taken her side saying I should apologise and I said but why? I haven’t done anything wrong and she gave me a sly look like I was in on it. The rest of my family are a bunch of fence sitters! Don’t like getting involved even if it means standing up for me and my pregnancy, daughter etc being ignored!

If your sister regards the car as a status symbol, she might feel threatened. It's amazing how people get themselves in knots over mass-produced tokens of "status".

The car is a Range Rover! Hers is white, my husband’s is black!

This is the weirdest thing ever. She is not the gatekeeper of all cars. If she is that hell bent on having a bespoke vehicle then she needs to put her hand in her pocket and get a custom made Bentley or some shite.

FWIW I own the same car as my sister. She bought one and I thought it was nice. 18 months later I needed a car and bought the same one because she hadn’t had any issues with hers, I liked it, and it fit my budget. Mine is a different colour but that is it. She didn’t bat an eyelid. I just told her “oh I’ve found an X car for X amount and they’ve said it’ll be ready next week I’m pleased” and I think her reaction was “oh cool you’ll love it”

Probably spot on. She is mad, and a horrible person.

Is the car something exotic and Veblen goods, like a Ferrari, Lamborghini, or Bentley? If not it makes even less sense.

That’s the kind of insane overreaction my MIL would have had when she went through menopause. She was bonkers unreasonable and took offence at the most ridiculous things. Could it be that perhaps? Doesn’t excuse her behaviour but may explain why.

Oh you’ve done it now. MN hates RR’s. All the votes will change to YABU!

Definitely to do with status then. How dare you spoil her standing as the only one in the family to have a Range Rover. You’ve knocked her right off her glorious, elevated pedestal leaving her battered and bruised.
Such nonsense from her especially as you don’t even drive. She’s nuts.

Ha! The most obvious “naice” car these is (no offence OP) and she expects no one else to have one? 🤣

Sounds more to me like she bought it thinking it’d make her somewhat superior and your husband buying one has brought her crashing back down to earth at the realisation that she has in fact just bought a mass produced vehicle that doesn’t make her any better than anyone else and she doesn’t like it because it defeats what her purpose was for buying it. Absolute nonsense.

I had a flatmate at uni who would do stuff just like this.

One of our friends bought a new phone, (back in the days when everyone had the exact same Nokia and it only came in 3 or 4 colours). Mad flatmate threw a huge tantrum as that was the colour she wanted to get (at some unspecified time in the future) and demanded the phone be taken back and changed for a different colour). Our mutual friend gave in and took it back!

This was not an isolated incident, but flatmate got away with this type of behaviour constantly as most people were too scared of the tantrums and sulking if she didn't get her own way.

Basically your sister is an entitled lunatic and there is no reasoning with batshit crazy.

I see two options for you, op: 1 is to continue as you are, confused, with certain family members urging you to apologise for nothing. The second option, which will resolve everything one way or the other, is to go round to your sister and confront her with her batshittyness. Tell her she doesn't have a veto on Range Rovers, you didn't even buy the stupid car, and you're sick of her behaviour. Either the air will be cleared or she'll sulk for ever. Either way, you'll have taken some control back and can move on.

She needs to be told to grow the fuck up.

I was looking to see what car it is as I assumed it was a rare american import with special styling and an unusual colour. Even then I would find it funny if someone got the same.
But a Range Rover in a different colour? she’s not well.

Frankly she sounds like she's got something seriously wrong with her.
There just isn't anything approaching logic or even a shred of a possibility she has any grounds to feel this way whatsoever.
I can't believe you've managed to maintain a relationship at all thought your life if this is the way she acts?

She is a complete batshit fruit loop. Life is far too short to be worrying about such unhinged nonsense.

Just get on with your own life and ignore her and the other crazy relatives who are pandering to her.

You can't reason with stupid, so there is no point in trying.

FFS just apologise!

Your sister is an absolute weirdo/twat/lunatic/fruit-loop. Who the hell gets upset because a relative buys the same car?!?

Just send her a message "I'm very sorry that my husband buying the same car as you has upset you. It didn't cross our minds that anyone would get upset by someone owning the same car because you're a weirdo because it's just a car, but nevertheless I apologise that you found it upsetting and when we next need a car we will choose another model because Range Rovers are shit."

Or do a full social media apology with a sad face photo of you and your DH and the car, holding the baby scan photo. "We would publicly like to apologise to my sister for buying the same car as her. We had no idea that buying the same car would cause her such distress to the point where she has not spoken to us for a year. Please accept our apology."

I don’t understand why you are pussyfooting around this. Have it out with her and make sure she knows she’s utterly ridiculous

Me, my mum and my Nan all had the same car in the same colour at one point. Who gives a shit! It’s just a car.

Firstly she’s being ridiculous. However she clearly is deeply upset and then there’s the additional factors of having a baby (congratulations!) when she wanted one plus quite likely the menopause/ mental hormone storm. While it’s completely unreasonable it is vaguely understandable if irrational.

So you have the option of ignoring her and being in the right or apologising to her for upsetting her and maybe restoring the relationship you previously enjoyed.

Which do you want most?

plus quite likely the menopause/ mental hormone storm

Am I the only one who gets fed up with women's behaviour always being blamed on their hormones? It gives us a bad name.

I had the same car as my husband at one stage in a different colour, we were quite pleased with ourselves and it was a good car so made sense!