Sister is angry over a car

[Mon85]

Hi
My sister has cut me out of her life because my husband bought the same model car as her! (Different colour). My sister is ten years older than me (she’s 50). I don’t drive, I had no input into his choice of new car. We had a car accident and he needed a new one. We only seen her once a year, live totally different areas, I really didn’t see it being a problem. I heard through family she was furious so my husband contacted her to apologise and tell her it had nothing to do with me! Several weeks later I hadn’t heard anything from her so I sent her a scan picture of my 2nd ivf baby and she totally blanked me. Fast forward a year and she still hasn’t spoken to me. I met her 25 year old daughter for dinner last week and she clarified her mum is still raging and is demanding an apology off me! This is the thing I don’t understand, she is ignoring the fact I’m a non driver, it’s not like I bought the car for my use. She is trying to pin this whole thing on me. For me though this runs deeper on my part now. She has missed out on the birth of my son, ignored my 2 year old daughter, has not acknowledged the baby’s birth and she stopped her husband joining us for dinner last week, told him he’s not allowed to speak to us! I don’t even know what to think, I think the situation is as mad as a box of frogs! Advice would be appreciated thanks

Send her a text saying DH got rid of the car and bought you a Porsche for Xmas

They'd better not! Perfectly regulated women can rant and rage without the presence of a hormonal or neurological condition or upheaval, I assure you.
We must protect our freedom to be as batshit and as furious as ever we like, without triggering a flurry of diagnoses 🤣.

Crackers.

you are well shot of her.

who would want that level of nuts anywhere near their kids.
do her kids and husband realise it’s nuts?

you do not owe an apology
if anyone does it’s her for her bizarre behaviour

Go forth and don’t sweat it

Her behaviour is a little unhinged considering she has deliberately refused to acknowledge the birth of her own nephew due to a car. Relatives have clarified it is the car that is the issue so it can't even be a misunderstanding. There is quite an age gap between you, is she the type that really resented you just existing and having to share your parents when you were born which has caused her unresolved issues?

Either way, I would find it unforgivable that a sibling didn't acknowledge the birth of my child out of their own resentment and would not want them in my life.

She needs to talk to a doctor, something's a bit loose between her ears.

Someone in her immediate family should strongly advise her to see a doctor. She sounds unhinged and her immediate family members aren't helping her by going along with her batshit carry on.

Does she get road rage when she sees other people driving the same car?

She's a loon, stay away.

Cars are produced to go on the market for people to buy. Manufacturers produce thousands of the same make and model.
I think your DH was daft and very mistaken to apologise to her for a simple, harmless coincidence.

Your sister doesn’t respect or value you at all. I would leave her be with her stupid, jealous rages. Don’t pander to it OP. You will never win with her.

This really has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Just get on with your life and forget about her, I certainly wouldn't be wasting my valuable time on someone so childish. She's unhinged.

Stop dancing round her and feeding her madness. It is not normal to behave this way about anything let alone a car.

She’s jealous of you having babies. The car is a red herring. She will never admit this though, probably not even to herself. Did she only have one child and wanted more but couldn’t? Is she sad that her baby making years are over? It’s highly likely to be biological and she won’t be able to explain her rage so the car is a seemingly 'legitimate’ outlet. Only it isn’t because it makes her look insane. She should have waited for something more plausible.

She sounds nuts. Do you really need someone that crazy in your life? She’s doing you a favour. Nothing about this is normal. What do your parents think?

If you want to continue contact, you may just have to give that apology, an olive branch so to speak. However, to not acknowledge the birth of a new nephew is one major hissy fit. Can you send a message saying that you’re sorry that she’s upset, and suggest meeting for coffee so she can meet your son.

And enable her behaviour?!

Barking, batshit nutjob.

This is so bats. I’d leave her to it!

For a reaction this extreme there isn't going to be anything that she's thinking that makes sense "e.g. I feel like my sister has stolen my thunder and I don't like it". It's going to chaotic and illogical and ALL about how she feels rather than anything factual - she's been overwhelmed by how she feels and that's what has allowed her to behave so awfully so as to ignore the announcement and birth of a new baby over a car. Logically it makes no sense to behave like that and it is clearly spiteful and petty to an outside observer (and it's the worse of the two 'crimes' although you did nothing wrong here). She will see none of that because she doesn't care for logic, she had a feeling of being wronged by you that eclipses everything else. Don't bother trying to make it make sense because there is none to be found here! Maybe reach out one final time in writing with all the facts covered in a non-angry way (i really don't understand why x was upsetting, from my point of view this is what happened, could you explain so I can see from your perspective. When you blanked me having a new baby it hurt, especially knowing you were prepared to do that over a car my husband bought), then the ball is in her court.

As a postmenopausal woman, I was thinking that. Hands up, I was also a little unhinged but not that much.

Incidentally, what did your niece say about her mother's behaviour?

No, not enabling, but trying to get past it and move on. Op could half apologise, by saying that her husband didn’t mean to upset anyone by purchasing that car, and that she would love her to meet her new nephew. Maybe one last ditch attempt, and then leave it at that.

I’m wondering if the niece could explain the rationale for the anger as well.

Absolutely batshit. I'd be laughing at how ridiculous she is being.

It's random madness. I don't even notice people's cars, they're just machines.

How someone's priorities could become so perverse, I can't fathom.

If she is of the age, I'd think menopause. I know that I went a bit mad and irrational. HRT sorted that out for me.

On my road plenty of neighbours have the same cars!

She's said that you have copied her? OMG is she five?

Are other family members supporting her with this ridiculous behaviour? Is this the first time that she has behaved like this or is there a history of her behaving like a small child?

Can you all drive to her house, park next to her car, play that "we're sorry uncle Albert" song through a megaphone, and wave a hand painted banner that states "were so sorry for having the same car"

Then pop a letter through all of her neighbours' doors detailing that you are expressing your sincere regret for having the same car as [sister's name] and this "extreme and Unforgivable mortal sin" and reference your "need for penance at this heinous crime against [sister] and her good moral fibre"

The megaphone might be a bit much, is there a local choir who could learn the song?

I think anything less than this isn't a proper apology.