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Original poster

Sister is angry over a car

285 replies

Mon85 · 30/12/2025 00:35

Hi
My sister has cut me out of her life because my husband bought the same model car as her! (Different colour). My sister is ten years older than me (she’s 50). I don’t drive, I had no input into his choice of new car. We had a car accident and he needed a new one. We only seen her once a year, live totally different areas, I really didn’t see it being a problem. I heard through family she was furious so my husband contacted her to apologise and tell her it had nothing to do with me! Several weeks later I hadn’t heard anything from her so I sent her a scan picture of my 2nd ivf baby and she totally blanked me. Fast forward a year and she still hasn’t spoken to me. I met her 25 year old daughter for dinner last week and she clarified her mum is still raging and is demanding an apology off me! This is the thing I don’t understand, she is ignoring the fact I’m a non driver, it’s not like I bought the car for my use. She is trying to pin this whole thing on me. For me though this runs deeper on my part now. She has missed out on the birth of my son, ignored my 2 year old daughter, has not acknowledged the baby’s birth and she stopped her husband joining us for dinner last week, told him he’s not allowed to speak to us! I don’t even know what to think, I think the situation is as mad as a box of frogs! Advice would be appreciated thanks

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 30/12/2025 07:56

She’s batshit and extremely petty. Ignore her, she’s being insane levels of ridiculous.

Pipsquiggle · 30/12/2025 07:59

Is everything always 'ME ME ME' with your DSis?
Does she have form for this kind of reaction?
If this really is about the car, and you wanted to open a conversation with a photo of a baby scan - this was probably the wrong tack.
It strikes me that everything has to be about 'HER' so sharing your pregnancy news is probably not going to have the same reaction as it would with a 'normal' person.

How has she reacted when the rest of your family have told her she's being ridiculous? Have your family done that? Have her DC called out her craziness or are they keeping out of it and therefore she believes they are supporting her?

Personally I think having this kind of person out of your life is a good thing.
If you want her in your life, you may need to do some performative grovelling, some kind of public act that proves she's right and you're wrong.

BTW - I had a crazy aunt. She was 'right' until the day she died, having not spoken to my mum for 20+ years. She missed so much. She also fell out with quite a lot of other people over batshit stuff. She was a twat.

Cantyouseethishorselovesme · 30/12/2025 07:59

Surely most of us choose a new or upgraded car based on a bunch of factors like reliability, how economical it is, interior space, and how it handles on a test drive? Even if it was a hideous shade of bogey green, as long as the important stuff ticked a box, I don't think colour would matter.

OP, it really is bizarre for your DSis to have decided your husband purposely chose the same make, model and colour to make some kind of a point, because what IS the point? Unless you've spent your life trying to be her: dressing the same, decorating your house identically to hers, going to the same places on holiday, which I'm sure you would have mentioned, this doesn't make any sense.

LilyBunch25 · 30/12/2025 08:03

Sorry but there would be no room in my life for this, she sounds like a drama queen and an emotional vampire.

SALaw · 30/12/2025 08:03

Ponderingwindow · 30/12/2025 01:04

Your sister has issues that you can’t solve.

I once pulled up to the supermarket and my sister happened to be there as well. She was in her new car. The exact same make, model, year, and color as mine. I just laughed.

You sound like the sister. Why shouldn’t she have the same car? Why did it warrant a laugh?

Meadowfinch · 30/12/2025 08:04

Istherestilltime · 30/12/2025 00:46

You can’t reason with crazy, OP

This. She's ridiculous. I'd send her a message pointing out that you had no involvement in the choice of car and you don't understand why it is even an issue in the first place.

Invite her over for coffee. If she doesn't respond, ignore her. Don't pander to such self-indulgent drama- queen stupidity.

Just get on with your life. Congratulations of your pregnancy.

lazyarse123 · 30/12/2025 08:11

Apart from the car nonsense, why is her dh listening to her "not allowed" shit?
My dh fell out with neighbours over some imaginary stuff and told me not to say hello if i saw them. I didn't go out of my way to say hello but i didn't ignore them. He didn't like it so i just said i wasn't a rude twat so he could just get over it and he did.

Imisscoffee2021 · 30/12/2025 08:14

Mon85 · 30/12/2025 00:44

She has ignored me on the occasion I sent the scan photo (I thought it was going to be an ice breaker so we could talk about it ) and another occasion after that my husband contacted her husband and he was told he couldn’t reply because he wasn’t allowed to. Family that have had a chat with her have told me that I have copied her and she doesn’t like being copied

She sounds incredibly controlling, evidenced not only by her behaviour to you but to her husband. Is it that much of a loss to your life not to bother with her anymore? I'd see her lack of caring about my children as a deal breaker tbh.

IsItSummerSoon · 30/12/2025 08:15

I’m thinking maybe she doesn’t like the fact we can afford the same as her?

I think it’s this. Which she’s not going to admit to you, your family or maybe even herself, hence the ‘doesn’t like being copied’ explanation. But I 100% think it’s what you think it is.

Sometimeswinning · 30/12/2025 08:22

What model car is it? Did you know it was the same car she had?

Mathsbabe · 30/12/2025 08:23

The car thing makes no sense. As PPs have said she can’t stand seeing you with your beautiful young family.

ManyPigeons · 30/12/2025 08:23

She’s obviously nuts, let her stay away.

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 30/12/2025 08:23

Return the car for one in the exact same colour as hers.

You can’t reason with crazy.

LemonLeaves · 30/12/2025 08:25

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 30/12/2025 08:23

Return the car for one in the exact same colour as hers.

You can’t reason with crazy.

Your user name reminded me that I was thinking of Friday Night Dinner when I first clicked on this thread. "My Mercedes!"

JH0404 · 30/12/2025 08:25

This is mad! Why are your family taking her seriously? She needs to be mentally checked 😵‍💫

Imdunfer · 30/12/2025 08:29

She doesn't sound like much of a loss, OP. She must be really hard work to be around even if she's not throwing a car tantrum. I think I'd leave things as they are.

Summerbay23 · 30/12/2025 08:29

Yup, agree that she is totally and utterly bonkers. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for so I’d just leave her to it.

Couldyounot · 30/12/2025 08:29

She's off her head. Nothing you can do about that, sadly

Oldandgreyer · 30/12/2025 08:31

She is mad as a box of frogs.

Nod, smile and enjoy normal life without the fruit loops.

LozzaCh0ps · 30/12/2025 08:36

My mum’s sister is exactly like this. I’m 40 now and I don’t really know her or any of my cousins or their kids etc because she cuts people off for perceived slights. I think you can’t really ever win, you can apologise for this but something else will happen to start the cycle again.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 30/12/2025 08:37

Mon85 · 30/12/2025 00:44

She has ignored me on the occasion I sent the scan photo (I thought it was going to be an ice breaker so we could talk about it ) and another occasion after that my husband contacted her husband and he was told he couldn’t reply because he wasn’t allowed to. Family that have had a chat with her have told me that I have copied her and she doesn’t like being copied

Have the family members and her husband tried getting through to her that she is behaving like a total arsehole, and that no-one was copying her, least of all you? What is her response?

DBD1975 · 30/12/2025 08:38

OP I don't think this has anything to do with the car really.
I think you will find it is probably many, many years of micro resentments which have built up over time and the car is just an excuse for how your sister really feels towards you.
I am in a similar situation OP with my sister and it is heartbreaking. I have realised she really doesn't like me very much, with resentment going back to over 40 years ago.
It is hard but I have found it impossible to deal with very unreasonable and irrational behaviour.
I am going to have one last attempt to resolve the situation and if it doesn't work, I will continue to live my life lovingly and kindly towards her but I have no control over how she does or doesn't respond.
Good luck with this OP my heart goes out to you 💜.

OrdinaryGirl · 30/12/2025 08:38

‘The issue’ is never the issue.
People act in ways that make sense to them. I wonder what is this really about?

User8008135 · 30/12/2025 08:41

She's got issues, big time. Your family and you need to stop pandering too her, you've done nothing to upset or annoy- aside from existing!

A flat response to x is still really PO would be 'i have nothing to apologise for, that's just ridiculous. Oh well.' And move on.

Noshadelamp · 30/12/2025 08:41

Even if it was your car or your decision, why would you need to apologise? I don't understand why your DH apologised, there's nothing to apologise for.