Sister is angry over a car

[Mon85]

Hi
My sister has cut me out of her life because my husband bought the same model car as her! (Different colour). My sister is ten years older than me (she’s 50). I don’t drive, I had no input into his choice of new car. We had a car accident and he needed a new one. We only seen her once a year, live totally different areas, I really didn’t see it being a problem. I heard through family she was furious so my husband contacted her to apologise and tell her it had nothing to do with me! Several weeks later I hadn’t heard anything from her so I sent her a scan picture of my 2nd ivf baby and she totally blanked me. Fast forward a year and she still hasn’t spoken to me. I met her 25 year old daughter for dinner last week and she clarified her mum is still raging and is demanding an apology off me! This is the thing I don’t understand, she is ignoring the fact I’m a non driver, it’s not like I bought the car for my use. She is trying to pin this whole thing on me. For me though this runs deeper on my part now. She has missed out on the birth of my son, ignored my 2 year old daughter, has not acknowledged the baby’s birth and she stopped her husband joining us for dinner last week, told him he’s not allowed to speak to us! I don’t even know what to think, I think the situation is as mad as a box of frogs! Advice would be appreciated thanks

My dsis and I have the same colour and make of car. Without knowing we both bought the cars the same weekend. We not twins. They just very reliable make, a skoda. We just laughed about it. It's not an issue. Why your sister getting worked out about a car. That's silly. Just leave her to her silly behaviour but keep communication open.

I read some bizarre things on here about family fall outs but this is absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn’t care one bit if someone bought the same car as me. I don’t even know what car my brother drives. Hell would freeze over because she received an apology from me and if she’s prepared to cut you out of her life for such a trivial thing then you’re better off without her.

I have similar with my mum who cut me off for not apologising for something I didn’t do. She has mental health issues. I’d suspect similar and menopause could be a trigger.

No loss.
I’d feel huge relief that I (and family) don’t have to see/have a relationship with such a numpty!

For the sake of the larger family, would it be worth reaching out to her? Maybe you could acknowledge her upset rather than saying you’re sorry for buying the car. Such as. I’m sorry you are feeling upset about us buying the car, there was no thought behind it apart from it being a great car. It would be lovely to see you in the new year.
for her to have such a strong reaction to the car tells me there is more to this. That maybe this is what you see from a bigger struggle for her. We develop our personalities through parenting and life experiences. People needing to be seen as having better things or more things than others shows an insecurity about their identity.

Unless it’s a limited edition supercar, I trust she realises there will be hundreds of the same car as her on the road? Although in her defence, I doubt she speaks to most of them either 😬
She sounds a bit unhinged.

Your OP says you only used to see her once a year anyway and live in totally different areas. Sounds as if your relationship was pretty distant in the first place?

She’s being absolutely pathetic. She’s not one of a kind though as I was chatting to a friend the other day who said they were getting a new car to her best friend. Best friend then told her if she got that car she wouldn’t speak to her again. Not joking, not tongue in cheek, completely for real! Absolutely mad as a box of frogs 🐸

Is the car unique in some way? A kit car or a special colour (sparkly yellow) or is it just a car?

This reminds me of the business card comparison scene in American Psycho.

Your sister sounds disordered.

You are best off without this person, however I am so sorry to hear how she’s ignored your milestones. Congratulations on your baby!

Are your family passing the message along as "It's batshit, but she's still upset about the car"? Or are they also implying that you have something to apologize for? Are they worried about her mental health? Or is this a common occurrence? They shouldn't be facilitating her.

She sounds borderline insane. Just a ridiculous trivial issue to make such a fuss about, and a hurtful fuss at that. I’d withdraw from all this if you can and have nothing to do with her.

Playing Devil’s Advocate, could the car be a symbol of a wider issue? For example if it was well known she was desperate for a red BMW and she saved for years to get one, I can see why she might be miffed if your DH just bought that exact car straight after.

I think I might write her one last letter. Stating how hurt you are to have been cut off over something so childish and trivial. Have your say and then leave her to it, never contact her again.

If there is a real mental health issue, then her car should not be driven by her, as her fitness to drive should be called into question.

She's obviously not very well at the moment, so probably best to let her carry on being not well on her own.

Superficial bollocks. Leave her to it. Competition like that stems from insecurity. Her focus is on the wrong things & life is ticking by.

OK, on the face of it, this is absolutely batshit crazy.
However, I do wonder if there is a huge back story and this is just the straw that broke the camels back?
Has she accused you of copying before? Has this been a theme throughout your lives, you dress the same, do your hair similar, move to the same area, follow the same career, holiday where she goes, take up the same hobbies?
Because I can imagine a young girl looking up to her 10 years older sibling and trying to emulate her. And I can also see how that could be frustrating for her.

Equally, if none of that applies, she's totally unreasonable and you should just back off and leave her to it.

God, how pathetic, you’re probably better off not having her in your life, she’s acting like you stole her husband.

this might sound awful but I think it’s the car and the baby
she felt superior having things you couldn’t have, and now she is spiralling

Please can we not blame every batshit behaviour on the menopause.

I see this posted regularly on MN these days. It's the same with poor behaviour in children, where it is assumed that they are ND.

It sounds like the sister's family have to tread on eggshells around her. Not allowing her husband to talk to you is ridiculous. Although he does sound like a bit of a wet lettuce.

What other narcissistic behaviour has she displayed over the years?

This!

I could almost understand it, if you had a history of copying what she does, and the is some bespoke kit car that she'd spent years and £££ on.

But this is truly bonkers if she's getting all uptight about the fact that she has an Audi (or whatever marque it is) and you have the same.

Has your family thought about the fact that you a non driver are being blamed for this? Does anyone think at all that this might be crazy?

Sister or no sister I think you’re better off without this controlling freak in your life OP!
She obviously has no concept of what is important in other people’s lives but can only focus on her own achievements. Her DH must lead a dogs life, stopping him meeting you for lunch was just spiteful…….and he really should grow some and stand up to her.

I mean OP unless it’s a 1972 baby blue convertible mustang or something else very unique then she is being nuts.

I think there is also a touch of internalised misogyny here from her, like you are responsible for your DH decisions!