Sister is angry over a car

[Mon85]

Hi
My sister has cut me out of her life because my husband bought the same model car as her! (Different colour). My sister is ten years older than me (she’s 50). I don’t drive, I had no input into his choice of new car. We had a car accident and he needed a new one. We only seen her once a year, live totally different areas, I really didn’t see it being a problem. I heard through family she was furious so my husband contacted her to apologise and tell her it had nothing to do with me! Several weeks later I hadn’t heard anything from her so I sent her a scan picture of my 2nd ivf baby and she totally blanked me. Fast forward a year and she still hasn’t spoken to me. I met her 25 year old daughter for dinner last week and she clarified her mum is still raging and is demanding an apology off me! This is the thing I don’t understand, she is ignoring the fact I’m a non driver, it’s not like I bought the car for my use. She is trying to pin this whole thing on me. For me though this runs deeper on my part now. She has missed out on the birth of my son, ignored my 2 year old daughter, has not acknowledged the baby’s birth and she stopped her husband joining us for dinner last week, told him he’s not allowed to speak to us! I don’t even know what to think, I think the situation is as mad as a box of frogs! Advice would be appreciated thanks

I’m dying to know what car it is! Something Very Expensive presumably - I doubt she’d get so worked up about e.g. my 2nd hand (one careful lady owner) Honda Jazz.

I'd be interested too. Does DSis think it impresses people? From another thread about cars bought to impress:
"That's not the point. It could backfire, as OP doesn't seem to know the car tropes.
Range Rover: Chelsea tractor, can't park for toffee;
Audi: new money, no indicators;
Lexus: drug dealer;
Boxster: poor man's Porsche;
and so on."

She’s clearly got issues, not really about the car. Jealous of you managing to have what she has but 10 years before she got it. Honestly, I think you’re better off without her in your life. I feel sorry for her Dh, but he should have stood up to her years ago.

I really want to know what the car is 😆

What sort of car? Is there something unique about it?

She sounds unhinged tbh.

When you spoke to your niece about it, did she realise her mum is being completely unreasonable about it? I can’t see how anyone would not recognise that it’s an absolutely ridiculous thing to ignore you over!

She being so irrational that I think you'll just have to leave her to it. You can't fix this. It's all in her head. Even if you apologise and somehow manage to smooth it over it will happen again over some other random thing.

That's absolutely insane. There's no reasoning with crazy. Just ignore her. I recommended my car model to a friend as everyone I've ever met who has had one has said they're the most reliable cars they've ever had. Mine's a 10 plate and I've never had any trouble with it. Just usual wear and tear stuff like brake pads, the odd filter, tyres, light bulbs kind of stuff that gets done in a service.

My ds is 10 years younger , I wouldn't give a thought to what car she has or any of that . Is your sister going through anything else at the minute it seems like an odd thing to be bothered to the point of needing an apology over. Maybe it is just you can afford nice things and she viewed you as her younger less fortunate sister

What??? I have never heard something so stupid.

How insane. A couple of years ago my stepdad borrowed my car since his had broken down, he liked it so much he got the same car as me and I never thought to be mad about someone getting the same car as me!

What's really important is how everyone else is handling it. Are they, for example, telling her how batshit crazy it is to start shouting 'copy cat!' like a five year old over something you had no input into? Or are they being soothing and telling her 'it's probably a coincidence'? Thus playing into her belief that you are up to something?

Because it sounds as though your sister is psychotically jealous of you, but surely this would have come to your attention before now.

How weird. My brother has the same car as my Dad -they liked it and did a test drive in my Dad’s and then decided to get one. I used to have the same car as my mum too for the same reasons.

I think you’re right that it’s some weird thing about her not wanting you to be “as good” as her being able to afford the same car!

I wouldn’t pander to her, she’s being ridiculous. You could make up but who knows what random nonsensical thing she’s going to cut you off for next time

I’m more interested because if it’s something like a yellow Jag that would be straight out copying. Very unlikely I know but you never know!

First of all do not apologise
Secondly message her and tell her she can grow up or fuck off

It's not the situation that's mad as a box of frogs, OP, it's your DSis.

It blows my mind that an adult is so bothered by someone in the family having the same car as them that they'll go NC with them, but it's especially bonkers when the person they've copped the hump with had nothing to do with the purchase.

I really don't get what her issue is. Mind you, I have a car that's such a common model and colour that I frequently see several ones in car parks. I have to check the number plates to be sure that I'm not about to try and put my shopping in someone else's car.

No, because it’s not relevant

Please can I have your sister's address so I can send her husband a sympathy card?

Your sister is totally out of order. I suspect she is jealous of your life in some way and very insecure about herself. Do not give this another thought and get on with your life. If you want to, carry on contact with your BiL. He will either do his own thing and see you, or give in to your sister's totally unacceptable demands.

Your sister needs to wise up. Being like this over a car and you don’t live anywhere near each other

Oh well, let her get on with it. Sounds like she’d only be contributing drama to your life anyway. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else. She sounds jealous, maybe she sees you getting attention with the IVF and doesn’t like it? No matter her reason, she sounds crazy and she’ll never back down.

Did you actually explain that you are a non driver and had no input into the purchase?
If so you were encouraging the batshittery and validating her. You should just have told her to stop being ridiculous.
They defensive way you are describing the situation makes it sound like you feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing wrong - she needs to be laughed at and ignored rather than placated

If your family haven't told her she's absolutely batshit crazy, then they are part of the problem.

TBH to some people, the sort of car they have on their drive is linked absolutely to their self-esteem and their sense of status. We have a neighbour like this. Heaven help her if anyone dared to think she couldn’t afford her shiny new black Mercedes! I would just add that although we have excellent buses/trains here, she has never used them, and has actually said ‘Only peasants use public transport!’

If you add to that, the not uncommon feeling of needing to be and have everything that bit better than everyone else’s, the OP’s post is not so surprising. It’s still absolutely daft/unhinged behaviour, though!

That's batshit.
I wouldn't be apologizing and if she doesn't like that, tough.
I've got a neighbour who is like this - every little thing is a deliberate slight against her. And I've also got a famiy member who behaves like this and cut her own sister off for 4 or 5 years for something similar to this car incident. There's no dealing with people like that.