Will be reported to SS for teddy in cot if I go ahead

[Simplydressed]

My baby is 6 months and teething. It's horrible for her and she's clearly in pain. She's on calpol etc. but I've found that she seems comforted by having a stuffed bear in her cot with her.

Now I know advice is 12 months and while she is pretty good and moving things away from her face she still isn't able to take a blanket off her face fully unaided and can't roll over (only side to back)

My friend says I am insane to risk it. Im a bad parent if I do and she feels she'd need to 'tell someone' as clearly I am unable to consider risk appropriately.

While I get where shes coming from I just feel awful taking the soft yoy away when it brings baby comfort.

So I suppose,

Aibu to consider letting my 6 month old have a teddy in their cot?

No. Her friend is insane.

Social worker for mash here. We would not be opening a family up for a teddy in a cot! We have a duty to call some families to let them know someone has referred them to social services but I doubt that would even meet the threshold for that! Especially at this time of year! If you think your little one is comforted go for it but supervise and then remove 😊

Edited to say there’s so much great advice on the safe sleeping website that someone has already recommended! Check that out if you have any doubts.

I sleep trained from birth and had them sleeping through for decent stretch at six and eight weeks. I never stayed till they went to sleep. I just left a nightlight abd started up their musical mobile and left. They had their own room as soon as they came home from the hospital. They seem unharmed by this rugged regime. Both are university graduates and one is finishing off a medical degree this year.

I am sorry but your "friend" sounds very disturbed and oddly invested in somebody else's baby that is not even a relative. My mother, for example, doted on her grandchildren but she would never have refused to give the baby back to me or called herself their second mummy. Also, she very rarely proffered unasked for advice and deferred to me on all child related stuff. Honestly, I think your friend's behaviour is concerning and I would cut this friendship off right now before she does something like kidnapping the baby. Your husband is I think right to be concerned. Does your friend have any children of her own or is this all theoretical child rearing experience?

Sounds the teddy is supposed to help self soothe during the night as well, so removing it will reduce the effect. Looking for a safer cuddling toy might be the way.

I don't understand why some posters disregard the option that the cuddling toy can influence baby's sleep at this age. In my area the crocheted octopuses are given to premature babies (and I saw one working for my grandma in her last weeks of life, maybe she wasn't clear about who I was, but no one would dare to take her octopus away)

No, no, no. Just no.

This woman is a nutter. I've read on from here before replying, and I'm SO glad you're getting rid of her as a mate. Bin her off. She's a complete fruit loop. Give it 30 years and some poor girl will be posting on here about her being a nightmare mother in law. This has got Channel 5 thriller vibes written all over it.

OP, you've received great advice what products are more effective when your baby is teething. Also, a hard teddy bear is not (never was) recommended but all my children had soft towelling toys with little weight in the cot without a problem. My youngest loved a soft rabbit so much, I had to buy 2 more because from 4-5 months he wouldn't go to sleep without it. They are a comfort source similar to a soft blanket.

What sends chills down my spine is your "friend". Her behaviour is not normal, far from it. You may not have noticed red flags before, but they are screaming at you right now. Protect your child and your bond against a person who is becoming so territorial with your child, that's manifesting symptoms of mental or personality problems.

End the friendship. . She may have been a good friend in the past, or likely, you never noticed red flags before but you are a mom now and her controlling and territorial behaviour with your baby is not normal.

Protect your child.

NO NO NO. I’d be ending this weird friendship asap. I’d do the slow ghost rather than telling her anything as she already has psycho vibes and I wouldn’t trust her after she’s threatened SS on you. Who the fuck does she think she is walking off with your baby so you can’t see them? That is so off. Please don’t let her see your baby.

Obviously I, and every sane person, knows it doesn’t work like that.

I'd find a safer comfort item, muslin cloth for instance and just have the otter nearby so your baby can hear it breathing. Tbh both my babies had those little teddy head blankeys since birth and definitely got comfort from them but DD used to sleep with hers on her face so a muslin cloth is a safer option (though clearly she could still breathe through it despite it fully covering her face because she's still here, nearly 15 years later)

As for babies always sleeping in the same room until 6 months, in my country we're told to put them outside to nap from 2 weeks old so not even in the same building, yet we have a far lower infant mortality rate, one of the lowest in the world.

This friend grew more red flags the further through the thread I read. This is no friend.

But no reason to stay shine they go to sleep

put down. Settle and leave room so baby gets a chance to self settle and sleep

op isn’t saying her baby is screaming and she leaves crying

“Friend” is batshit thinking anyone will be interested or maybe she is just controlling. Dd had a schmusetuch from birth (in fact hospital gave one to her). However a soft flannel sheet or blanket might provide the same comfort. You need to find more supportive friends.

I wouldnt risk putting the teddy in the cot, but I also think you should phase this "friend" out. She sounds like a dick. "Tell someone" that you cant understand risk? Tell her to get fucked.

Bloody hell, please ditch her! Taking the baby away from you?! I’d go nuts. A friend brought her baby into work the other day, I asked for a cuddle but IMMEDIATELY handed him back the second she asked. Surely it’s just normal? And threatening you with SS is utterly unacceptable. She’s no friend.

Your friend is a cunt, ditch her

whilst the guidelines are 12 months, no children’s services department would be remotely interested in this

First, bin your so called friend.
Second, how is a teddy in a cot dangerous?

Your friend is right. It is an incredibly stupid thing to do.

Soft toys are brilliant for comforting kids as they get older but I would personally wait until 11-12 months (that's when I let them start to have one in there). My 2 year old now sleeps with 3 religiously and they are a super important part of his self-comforting routine, whilst my 1 year old is slowly using them more and more.

Saying that - you are not a bad mother if you choose to keep one in earlier - the increased risk is minor and SS would laugh your friend out of the room for reporting you for that. Your friend is also not a friend and kind of psycho / weirdly controlling.

OP’s friend is bordering on obsessional about OP ‘s child. Her involvement and entitlement are not normal, and this is something that is beyond her experience and none of her business. OP is binning the friendship on that basis. And the OP doesn’t strike me as stupid - quite the opposite, she’s looking for the balance between the comfort of her child and their safety.

Assessment of risk should always be based in probability and not possibility. The idea that nothing should ever go wrong is what has made us into an anxiety ridden society that is unable to cope with life’s challenges.

This 'friend' sounds horrendous. I'd be cutting her asap.

As for the bear, I probably wouldn't, personally. But it's not a matter for SS.

6 weeks maybe, not 6 months!

Whyever not? Nobody born before about 2010 had their parents watch over them while they fell asleep. Surprisingly many of those children survived into adulthood.

Teddy bear aside, stop talking to this friend now. I've come across these sorts of people before. She will report you at some point.

I woudnt get rid of the teddy just take it away when your baby’s asleep
As for your So called friend id have no hesitation in getting rid of her Pronto. She’s not a friend