Will be reported to SS for teddy in cot if I go ahead

[Simplydressed]

My baby is 6 months and teething. It's horrible for her and she's clearly in pain. She's on calpol etc. but I've found that she seems comforted by having a stuffed bear in her cot with her.

Now I know advice is 12 months and while she is pretty good and moving things away from her face she still isn't able to take a blanket off her face fully unaided and can't roll over (only side to back)

My friend says I am insane to risk it. Im a bad parent if I do and she feels she'd need to 'tell someone' as clearly I am unable to consider risk appropriately.

While I get where shes coming from I just feel awful taking the soft yoy away when it brings baby comfort.

So I suppose,

Aibu to consider letting my 6 month old have a teddy in their cot?

I don't know what the advice is these days as my son is in his 20's now, but I used to use frozen Frube type yogurt sticks when my boy was struggling. He liked the taste and the cold seemed to soothe.

You need to drop this “friend” she is toxic and controlling and clearly not completely stable. You sound like a fab mama.

This person is not your friend. She is over bearing, obsessive, judgemental, controlling and thinks she knows it all. Does she even have children??? You need to step back from this friendship completely. Her behaviour, to be honest is worrying, especially the parts where she disappears with your baby into another room and refuses to hand her back. That's not normal, rational behaviour. It screams batshit!! She's trying to control how you parent your daughter, and if you don't agree with her opinions, she doesn't like it at all, hence the SS threat. I personally wouldn't put a cuddly toy into your daughter's cot, in case she were to grab hold of it. However, SS aren't going to involve themselves in something so minor as this. Your biggest problem is your so-called friend - end the friendship, she has an unhealthy obsession over your daughter.

There’s a lot going on here with your friend but I just wanted to chime in and say that at my son’s 9 month check they told me that if he can roll over both ways I can consider letting him fall asleep with one of my tops in the cot to help him sleep. This was a year ago so quite contemporary advice.

It’s all about managing risk isn’t it really. You need to sleep. It’s unsafe to parent if you haven’t slept. You need to think about how you balance the risks of a teddy vs you being very sleep deprived trying to look after a baby.

Entirely your call as the parent, many i know did the same, just pointing out what the nhs advice is

Also I work in safeguarding and the threshold for SS involvement is higher than a teddy in the cot.

Absolutely. Threatening you withsocial services is not the act of a friend.

As for a teddy , surely everything depends on the size of the bear?

She’s probably waiting for an opportunity to report you and hoping she’ll be given the baby when she’s taken from you…

I wouldn't use a teddy but a cellular blanket or muslin? Absolutely.

Your friend is no friend.

I wouldn’t give the teddy. Rules are there for a reason. Your so called friend however sounds too involved in your baby’s life. I would definitely step away.

See all this stuff is fine imo, I have done simular for a close friend, except the outfits (though i always just handed out my kids clothes if friends had an accident). The problem is the taking baby away and not handing her back and being territorial over her. That's just odd.

I used to make sure my friends baby had food at mine when coming over and toys to play with so I could see my friend for a few hours in relative peace. Not to have anything more to do with the baby other than a little cuddle. Your friend sounds like she is trying to get the baby to see her in a mothering way, not an auntie / friend way.

Oh and yeah, don't let her sleep with the teddy, just let her fall asleep with it then take it away and place it where she can see it.

Why on earth would you sit with a 6 month old until it’s asleep!??

SW here
If she called that into the MASH she would get short thrift
what a cocksucker twat of a friend

Can you not find a bear or comforter that is ok for her age??? This is insane imo. My son has had a tiny square small blanket thing (v v common in France where we live) with a little head on as his comforter since a baby and still has it now. Why on earth can’t she have something like that?? The risk of suffocation is very very low. I don’t know any babies in France that didn’t have one tbh!

Its more the fact she jumped right to this straight away - I bet she would collect up these piddly gripes and make a case against you to SS.

I have friends who do things i would consider 'equally slightly dangerous' with their kids, that i wouldnt do, but plenty choose to do.

Things like - cosleeping with a baby in your bed (yikes), letting cats and dogs lick their faces, feeding their baby solids at 3/4 months, leaving baby with a teenager, leaving baby in the same room as a dog and nipping to the loo, leaving baby in the unlocked car at petrol station.

But i wouldn't dare go to the extreme of contacting SS over it Ss would also laugh at all these things too - including the Teddy in the cot.

Agree that your ‘friend’ is a lunatic.
Get her out of your life. She is not a stable person based on what you’ve said here… I wondered if she is mentally unwell or has some trauma around babies or motherhood. Don’t trust her with your baby and don’t listen to what she is saying- it’s madness!

I don’t think most people do that at all. Lots of people still cuddle or feed their baby to sleep at 6 months. I know not all, but I would imagine it’s a minority who just walk out and leave their 6 months old without even checking frequently.

Anyway I agree with those saying let her have the teddy to fall asleep with and then remove it.

This! She's no friend.
Threatening to report you, making you feel like shit... just because of a teddy in the cot?!
Ok, I'd probably have felt a bit nervous of putting something in the cot with baby, but even if she did feel that way there's no need to be such a cow about it.

I never sat by my baby until he went to sleep! It never occurred to me to do this. Unless he was in bed with me maybe I’d have been present but I never once stayed until he was asleep. I just went in periodically to check on him. Maybe I’m an awful parent given he had a comforter teddy thing aswell 😂 he was a good sleeper and no issues there until about 2-3years when he realised he could get out of his bed and that we were still downstairs ‘being fun’ as he used to call say! So I’d say give a comforter if she likes (not one with bead eyes etc but a safe cloth one for babies) and feel free to leave her to nod off without you staking watch!

are you sleeping in a different room to her? Guidelines recommend being in same room for at least 6/12 months depending on UK/USA so she would get comfort from that. Most 6 month olds aren’t sleeping through the night anyway so I wouldn’t be making that a goal - just comfort her when she wakes. I would take the teddy out after she falls asleep - not a risk I would take but equally SS aren’t going to be interested, it’s hard to get them involved when there’s actual abuse going on. It’s so hard to be sleep deprived so try get support for yourself - split the nights with partner, use slings during day for nap etc, and reduce other expectations.

Anbesol liquid was a god send with my kids!

In a very dangerous way, when it’s combined with malicious threats of this nature.
I hope OP wakes up soon and doesn’t sleepwalk one more yard with this woman. I should damn well hope indeed that the husband’s antennae have been twitching: someone in the household needs to put a foot down, pronto.

Sounds like the friend wants to shop you to social services in the hope the baby will get removed and placed with her