Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son's girlfriend doesn't wash

619 replies

guineaguineaguineapig · 29/12/2025 18:03

We have a bit of a delicate situation. Our son's girlfriend is currently living with us for an indefinite period of time. We don't mind her being here, but the problem is that she hardly ever showers or washes her clothes. As a result, she gives off a strong body odour that is becoming unbearable. It has got to the stage where I dread giving her lifts anywhere, because of the smell in the car. I can even smell when she's been in a room, let alone when she is still in it. I know some of it is her clothes, so I managed to wash some by saying I needed to make up a load. I have shown her how to use the washing machine, and my son also knows how to use it. He washes his own clothes and asks her if she needs anything washing, but she always seems to say no. After about a month of her being here, I decided to raise the issue with my son as I felt someone needed to say something to her, in case she was unaware. For context, she hasn't had the best upbringing and may not have been encouraged into good habits. He said he is aware of the problem, but it didn't really seem to bother him. I suggested he have a word with her about it, but I don't think he has.
She is smelling particularly bad at the moment. It was awkward when we had to go to my mum's for Boxing Day, as I was very aware of her body odour smell. No-one said anything - but then they wouldn't, would they? My son showers every day and has shown her how to use the shower. Very occasionally, she does have one, so it isn't the case that she feels uncomfortable showering in someone else's house. She seems at home in every other way. I am now getting to the stage where I am tempted to just run her a bath and invite her to hop in. She has come down with a really bad cold at the moment, so could I maybe say a bath would do her good? It doesn't really solve the problem long-term though.

Am I being unreasonable to insist that my son address this with her? It's really getting us down (by us I mean me, my husband and his sister).

OP posts:
ParentingRollerCoaster · 30/12/2025 17:38

Maybe buy her a multi pack of black pants from M&S and some stretchy vests.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:39

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:35

This is concerning. How does this happen? I didn’t know this was a thing!? Did someone post it?Was it an advert for the Mumsnet site? Thanks for drawing my attention to it…

Show quote history

Because certain influencers share posts from here and reddit for clicks and income

Floogal · 30/12/2025 17:40

I just hope she doesn't wear thongs if she is that negligent with hygiene 🤢. Why not suggest your son and her to take up swimming. She'll have to shower before and after going in the pool. Also the chlorine will help with the pongs.

Original poster
guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:41

TeaRoseTallulah · 30/12/2025 17:36

MN shares certain thread on SM as a form of advertising. One of the reasons I never post anything personal. You could ask them to delete the thread .

Show quote history

I never knew they did that. I think I’d better ask them to remove the thread. It’s a shame though as it has been really helpful. 🙁

OP posts:
Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:41

I really don't see the difference between it being posted on Facebook than here - why would someone identify the OP from a Facebook post and not this thread - she is anon. She could be anyone

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:42

Floogal · 30/12/2025 17:40

I just hope she doesn't wear thongs if she is that negligent with hygiene 🤢. Why not suggest your son and her to take up swimming. She'll have to shower before and after going in the pool. Also the chlorine will help with the pongs.

Also the chlorine will help with the pongs

Just stick her in some sheep dip, OP.

The suggestions of swimming, while not necessarily a bad thing just make me wonder how mucky some folk who go in public swimming pools are.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:42

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:41

I never knew they did that. I think I’d better ask them to remove the thread. It’s a shame though as it has been really helpful. 🙁

Show quote history

Why? This is a public forum seen by a lot of people? What's the difference?

allthingsinmoderation · 30/12/2025 17:43

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:35

This is concerning. How does this happen? I didn’t know this was a thing!? Did someone post it?Was it an advert for the Mumsnet site? Thanks for drawing my attention to it…

Show quote history

It really is concerning,i saw a newspaper picked up a thread and wrote a story that outed someone !

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:43

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:41

I really don't see the difference between it being posted on Facebook than here - why would someone identify the OP from a Facebook post and not this thread - she is anon. She could be anyone

That is true but there won't be SO many people whose son's girlfriend lives with them who's estranged from family, doesn't work and smells. FB is a lot more widely used than MN-of course not everyone on here is a Mum but it is aimed at Mums. People of all sorts of spheres of society use fb-she's a lot more likely to see it there. She might'nt even know MN exists but I guarantee she or her family/friends/OP's son haev heard of fb and might come across it there.

TeaRoseTallulah · 30/12/2025 17:47

ParentingRollerCoaster · 30/12/2025 17:38

Maybe buy her a multi pack of black pants from M&S and some stretchy vests.

Why stretchy vests?

Bankiebabe · 30/12/2025 17:48

I would have a word with her in private explaining the need to wash her body and clothes. It is difficult but you may have to tell her the truth that her hygiene is not good enough. You would be doing her a favour also as others outside will not be so kind in their comments .

cha04 · 30/12/2025 17:48

How is he not bothered? Surely her bits stinks when they’re at it?!!! I can’t imagine you wouldn’t gag!!!! You are going to have to tell her plain and simple but on her own not even with your son.

TimeForATerf · 30/12/2025 17:49

To be fair, if someone doesn’t know they smell they won’t recognise themselves on FB. also I’m guessing the GF is in her 20s, my DD is 28, she hasnt been on FB since she was 20.

Lineofdutytoofar · 30/12/2025 17:51

PinkKettle · 30/12/2025 13:09

@guineaguineaguineapig to address the ingrained smell in her clothes buy the cheapest bottle of supermarket vodka (1.5 ltr) poor it into a couple of buckets and soak clothing for 60 minutes, wash those items on a longish 40 degree wash afterwards with dettol in the softener drawer. While those items are washing soak the next load in the same vodka buckets and repeat.

This method does work, I’ve used it on DH gym/running gear when the smell gets ingrained and the BO smell when he warms up is always gone.

MN at its best, I’m definitely going to try this, thanks!

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:52

TimeForATerf · 30/12/2025 17:49

To be fair, if someone doesn’t know they smell they won’t recognise themselves on FB. also I’m guessing the GF is in her 20s, my DD is 28, she hasnt been on FB since she was 20.

That's true, that not a lot of young people use fb. But it is still more likely to be shared and re-shared I guess than if it is 'just' on mn.

This thread has reminded me of a thread from a few years ago, an older woman who posted as she'd only just realised that she wasn't washing properly. She didn't use anything but water to wash and washed her hair once a week and thought it was totally normal.

MaidOfSteel · 30/12/2025 17:52

You could use a bio washing powder or liquid for her laundry, OP. Much more effective at killing the bacteria that cause the smells.

Minxmumma · 30/12/2025 17:54

I have a couple of thoughts and confess to not reading the whole thread so maybe repeating others.

  • do they have their own laundry basket? Perhaps grab a cheap one and it will start to instill good habits, then they or you can grab the whole thing and wash it once a week.

  • does she have a specific discreet space in the bathroom for her needs? My son had a partner who came from a stressful background and they needed a little space. I was quite clear when they moved in that this shelf in the cupboars was theirs for any wash bits, sanitary needs etc. And they were free to use boxes / baskets whatever.

  • it really sounds like she needs a female adult figure to lead her into good habits. What's her relationship with your daughter like? Could you embark on a girls shop for basics? Maybe she doesn't have lots of underwear? Or deodorant?

  • great job for getting her in the tub. Long journeys and small steps etc. If you can, I'd try it again in a couple of days.

Maybe she just needs looking after a bit. Gentle conversations and supportive actions and routine

SpoonBaloon · 30/12/2025 17:54

I am genuinely amazed that there is such sympathy being directed at this woman.

Poor personal hygiene is one of my biggest bugbears and I accept that our bodies make smells and noises which can’t always be avoided, and that now and again our T shirts and socks may end up a bit whiffy after a busy day.

But there is no excuse for an adult to be going around unwashed and with BO. None at all.

This woman needs to get a job, too. There’s no excuse for a physically able 23 year old to not be working or in education. How much UC or housing allowance does she receive?

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:55

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:43

That is true but there won't be SO many people whose son's girlfriend lives with them who's estranged from family, doesn't work and smells. FB is a lot more widely used than MN-of course not everyone on here is a Mum but it is aimed at Mums. People of all sorts of spheres of society use fb-she's a lot more likely to see it there. She might'nt even know MN exists but I guarantee she or her family/friends/OP's son haev heard of fb and might come across it there.

Show quote history

Pretty sure there's loads of families across the UK who fit similar descriptions

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 18:00

SpoonBaloon · 30/12/2025 17:54

I am genuinely amazed that there is such sympathy being directed at this woman.

Poor personal hygiene is one of my biggest bugbears and I accept that our bodies make smells and noises which can’t always be avoided, and that now and again our T shirts and socks may end up a bit whiffy after a busy day.

But there is no excuse for an adult to be going around unwashed and with BO. None at all.

This woman needs to get a job, too. There’s no excuse for a physically able 23 year old to not be working or in education. How much UC or housing allowance does she receive?

You don't get housing allowance if you live in someone else's house as a lodger in most occasions.

There are also people who have BO no matter how much they wash -medical issues. Not the case here but it happens

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 18:04

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 18:00

You don't get housing allowance if you live in someone else's house as a lodger in most occasions.

There are also people who have BO no matter how much they wash -medical issues. Not the case here but it happens

Show quote history

Is that true? I had a lodger a few years ago whose lodgings were paid through UC.

JustForHere · 30/12/2025 18:05

Millytante · 29/12/2025 18:39

Not sure their boyfriends’ parents’ homes, where other siblings live too, are the ideal places for them, in that case.
Not every member of the household (never mind guests during the Christmas period) can be guaranteed to tread softly near the fragile person after enduring atrocious impositions for too long.

Show quote history

I agree. When it’s impacting other people too, and you want to live with them, you just need to wash. For example, it’s not the younger sister’s fault that her brother’s girlfriend has trauma, it’s just a basic requirement.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 30/12/2025 18:08

averychoc · 29/12/2025 18:16

I was like this as a teen who ended up living with a freinds family. My own upbringing never taught me to wash or wash my clothes with any sense of regularity. I’m embarrassed now of how I was back then but I really didn’t understand. I learned by them modelling their own good habits though, everyone had a daily shower and at some point I picked up that was what people were supposed to do. I was shy and couldn’t have just used the washing machine alone even if I wanted to (I’m autistic) but the mum picked up on this and made a ‘rota’ for the machine so we all had time slots - very rich like Monday am and Thursday pm type thing. So they all got on with it and I just fell in to the routine over time. I can never be more grateful to them for taking me in and gently teaching me without pointing anything out. I was in my 40s before I realised just how well they handled it and how much they did for me.

I'm glad it was pointed out to me as I didn't realise there was an issue.

It was my manager who called me aside and said my colleagues had asked her to step in (admit, she could have left that bit out).
I was initially mortified, but gradually glad as it meant I could put an end to it and not continue being talked about as the smelly one.

Made me wonder if previous interviews I wasn't successful in were due to the smell.

I still regret not telling someone at Church that their breath stank. I distanced myself instead, which looking back was selfish as I would want to know, so I can do something about it.

Hibernatingsloth · 30/12/2025 18:08

OP, re lack of knickers for the wash.
Maybe you could buy her a zip up net washing bag to put them in.
That way it would save any embarrassment of giving you possibly soiled knickers as the bag would just go straight in the washing machine, with everything safely zipped inside.

Hibernatingsloth · 30/12/2025 18:08

OP, re lack of knickers for the wash.
Maybe you could buy her a zip up net washing bag to put them in.
That way it would save any embarrassment of giving you possibly soiled knickers as the bag would just go straight in the washing machine, with everything safely zipped inside.

Swipe left for the next trending thread