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AIBU?

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Original poster

I am very upset that I haven't been asked to be my sister's bridesmaid.

137 replies

Lottie585 · 29/12/2025 16:14

Let me preface this with - I will absolutely get over it but ...

My little sister told me on Christmas Day that she has decided to ask her five friends to be her bridesmaids. She said that she is worried that I won't have lost my baby weight by the date of her wedding (I'm pregnant now and the baby will be 10 months old), plus I will have 3 kids to look after and she thinks I won't have the time to make her the certain of attention.

Most likely an excellent point because yes my kids are very important to me.

Why do I feel so bad about this? I've clearly romanticised this in my head. She was my bridesmaid. I would have loved to be hers. I'm also 13 weeks pregnant - so hormonal! But I'm sad 😂 am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 29/12/2025 16:16

If she actually said those words that she ‘needs to be the centre of your attention’?

good escape!!

Bigtreeesss · 29/12/2025 16:16

Sounds like your sister is incredibly self centred and you’ll have a much nicer time not having to fawn around her on the wedding day

Goditsmemargaret · 29/12/2025 16:17

Is she very shallow? I didn't want my sister to be my bridesmaid as she'd show up outrageously late and ruin my day. However I still didn't want to hurt her feelings so I opted for no bridesmaids. I regret it now honestly.

Your sisters reasons are pathetic.

Vaxtable · 29/12/2025 16:18

Sounds like there’s a bridezilla on the way. Just be grateful it won’t include you

BendingSpoons · 29/12/2025 16:18

I think it's a bit mean of your sister. With 5 other bridesmaids she would have plenty of hands to help her out whilst you were with her kids. However traditionally bridesmaids were unmarried and it might turn out to be a blessing that you can just be a guest and not need to get involved in lots beforehand and on the day.

PolarJadeite · 29/12/2025 16:18

I would be upset as well. Obviously she is under no obligation to make you a bridesmaid but to say she is worried you won't have lost the baby weight is just mean. You also don't have to be maid of honour (aka organise hen do etc) if youre busy with kids, plus hopefully there will be other people to help with your kids on the day? If they're invited

TeenToTwenties · 29/12/2025 16:19

I think with 3 children by then you won't have time to do all the things it sounds like she will expect of you.
(You or your Mum could suggest you do a reading perhaps?)
5 bridesmaids is a lot ...

Isayitasitis · 29/12/2025 16:19

Oh wow so not only was your weight mentioned, she needs the attention on her????

Where does this B get the audacity.

I think she's saved you a wealth of trouble. Be glad it's not you, the cheeky mare.

PhantomAfternoonTea · 29/12/2025 16:20

My sister didn't ask me, because she just assumed I wouldn't want to (social anxiety related). I was pretty sad about it too for a long time. But to be fair she was right, I could barely cope with her wedding as a regular guest, being a bridesmaid would have been hell.
I completely understand you being upset but if you normally have a close relationship, that's what matters, not one day.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 29/12/2025 16:21

Did she SERIOUSLY say “ you might not have lost the baby weight”?!?!? Fark I think you’ve made a lucky escape and good luck to the chosen 5 jeepers what a cow

23Shadows · 29/12/2025 16:21

Dodged a bullet there I reckon.

Original poster
Lottie585 · 29/12/2025 16:21

Goditsmemargaret · 29/12/2025 16:17

Is she very shallow? I didn't want my sister to be my bridesmaid as she'd show up outrageously late and ruin my day. However I still didn't want to hurt her feelings so I opted for no bridesmaids. I regret it now honestly.

Your sisters reasons are pathetic.

She is the middle child and probably a bit of a stereotype. I wouldn't necessarily call her shallow but she has never been particularly bothered about hurting my feelings. She was an okay bridesmaid for me (I had 2) my sister and my sister in law but she did find it very annoying! To be honest I thought she thought weddings were annoying! But this is going to be a big wedding!

OP posts:
Brickiscool · 29/12/2025 16:23

Having friends instead of sister is absolutely fine.

Saying you are fat and won't pay her attention is just horrible. She's a nasty person.

Dinosweetpea · 29/12/2025 16:23

Oof - your sister sounds like a bit of a cheeky bitch!

Glittertwins · 29/12/2025 16:24

I think you’ve had a lucky escape. Hopefully you’ll avoid the hen do as that sounds like it could be painful going on what’s already been said above.

willadvicemess · 29/12/2025 16:25

The baby weight comment is shit..... However tbh when else other then your wedding day can you be the center of attention 🤷

ExtraOnions · 29/12/2025 16:25

Bridezilla incoming … be grateful you won’t have any “hen party organising” responsibilities, won’t have to go to endless dress appointments, won’t have to keep yourself “Instagramable” at all times, won’t have orders barked at you on the day, won’t have to stand around for endless photographs..

go be a guest, and enjoy yourself

Original poster
Lottie585 · 29/12/2025 16:25

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 29/12/2025 16:21

Did she SERIOUSLY say “ you might not have lost the baby weight”?!?!? Fark I think you’ve made a lucky escape and good luck to the chosen 5 jeepers what a cow

Yes. I should also add that she was upset that I didn't go to her engagement party as my kids had the chickenpox and told my brother that she thought it was pathetic that my husband couldn't handle the kids himself for one night. I got dressed to go to it but they were both poorly with it and to be honest I was at my wits end.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie585 · 29/12/2025 16:26

willadvicemess · 29/12/2025 16:25

The baby weight comment is shit..... However tbh when else other then your wedding day can you be the center of attention 🤷

Very true! I'm nice! I would try to make it about her but yes. One day for it to be all about you ☺️.

OP posts:
Millytante · 29/12/2025 16:27

BendingSpoons · 29/12/2025 16:18

I think it's a bit mean of your sister. With 5 other bridesmaids she would have plenty of hands to help her out whilst you were with her kids. However traditionally bridesmaids were unmarried and it might turn out to be a blessing that you can just be a guest and not need to get involved in lots beforehand and on the day.

Why on Earth does she want five flipping bridesmaids? Probably great big clue there, about how she is approaching this event. A case of:
‘Feck thinking about marriage and lifelong commitment, I just want a wedding, so I feel like a fairy tale princess and everyone admires me’.

You are well out of it.
You are also clearly excused, by this exclusion, any related duties the bridesmaids won’t fancy taking on, such as booking hotel rooms for thirteen fussy women in some fancy destination for a hen week.
Organising everyone’s transport from a country house hotel to a bijou country church; dealing with caterers, and so on.
You can just be a close family guest, wear what you like, and thoroughly enjoy the day without worrying one bit about it.

ThisJadeBear · 29/12/2025 16:27

You are best off out of it, it sounds like it will be a nightmare. If it’s all about the Insta shots it is just shallow. Not worth falling out over and I think you will be best off in a fabulous outfit of your own choice.
Could you be her witness? I’ve done that for a friend who just wanted little bridesmaids and it felt like an important job.
You are rightly hormonal right now buy if let her get on with it. Weddings are becoming so OTT now, before you know it, it all turns out a bit Adam Peaty.
Maybe there is a part of the day you could add your input to, or a little event/treat for just the two of you to enjoy when the time comes?
And then when the day comes turn up looking fabulous, stick on your best smile and let her have her moment.
I have just wanted the Gavin & Stacey Finale and Smithy’s fiance is all about the bridezilla, isn’t she? I’d rather have a hen night with Pam and Nessa to be frank.

Genevieva · 29/12/2025 16:29

Honestly, with a baby you will have more fun as a guest. Ask to narrate a reading in the service. That way, you are with your baby and husband most of the time and get to wear what you want, but also have a special role. It’s honestly a much more important position.

FridayFriesDay · 29/12/2025 16:34

You’re being unreasonable to even give it a minute of thought - she sounds like drama.

Have a great time looking after your priorities - your children, and I’m sure they’re already more mature than her. Being one of her bridesmaids would terrify me 😂

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 29/12/2025 16:36

Has she come out with it tactlessly? As in she could have meant as in she doesn't want to pressure you to look a certain way/lose weight etc? I can't believe how shallow people can always come across so I try and give them the benefit of the doubt.

For what it's worth, she might want you to be able to enjoy the day and focus on an infant and your DC's. If you were to be maid of honour there could be lots of added pressure unless you'll be up for it?

My sister didn't ask me to be her bridesmaid, at first I was taken back by it but I have been a bridesmaid a few times for family and it was actually nice to sit back and relax as a guest for a change xx

GreywackeJ · 29/12/2025 16:37

I didn’t have my sisters as bridesmaids. I had my friends. I get on with my siblings, but I’m much closer to my friends. And she has a point regarding your focus being elsewhere.