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Original poster

I am very upset that I haven't been asked to be my sister's bridesmaid.

137 replies

Lottie585 · 29/12/2025 16:14

Let me preface this with - I will absolutely get over it but ...

My little sister told me on Christmas Day that she has decided to ask her five friends to be her bridesmaids. She said that she is worried that I won't have lost my baby weight by the date of her wedding (I'm pregnant now and the baby will be 10 months old), plus I will have 3 kids to look after and she thinks I won't have the time to make her the certain of attention.

Most likely an excellent point because yes my kids are very important to me.

Why do I feel so bad about this? I've clearly romanticised this in my head. She was my bridesmaid. I would have loved to be hers. I'm also 13 weeks pregnant - so hormonal! But I'm sad 😂 am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 29/12/2025 17:06

Mentioning the baby weight was nasty of her and quite shallow

PinkyFlamingo · 29/12/2025 17:08

That's really nasty saying she's worried you won't have lost the 'baby weight" before the wedding Horrible

Mischance · 29/12/2025 17:09

You are well off out of it. She does sound very shallow to be honest.

How dare she say that about your weight!! - what a cheek!

Just roll up, eat the grub, drink the drink and make sure your chidlren have some fun at the reception!

LuckyNumberFive · 29/12/2025 17:10

Wouldn't worry, it doesn't reflect on you, sounds like your sister is just a twat.

Daytimetellyqueen · 29/12/2025 17:11

manicpixieschemegirl · 29/12/2025 16:46

The comment about baby weight was unnecessary but you’ll have 3 kids by the time the wedding rolls around so she’s probably right about your attention (understandably) being elsewhere.

Is not showing up to her engagement party the tip of the iceberg im terms of your reliability? She might just not want a bridesmaid who’s prone to being flaky.

I think how she phrased it was tactless but I can see where she’s coming from in that she wants someone who can commit & not drop out of things last minute due to DCs (you’re not wrong to have cancelled when your DCs had CP but I can see why she’s opted you out).

Enjoy the day focusing on your family & not stressing about being a bridesmaid. Doing a reading is a good idea.

LiteraryBambi · 29/12/2025 17:12

Does the baby weight comment mean she doesn't want any fat bridesmaids?

If so, I would be ashamed to have a sister with such awful values and I can't believe your parents would be proud either. Gross.

phoenixrosehere · 29/12/2025 17:13

Definitely don’t agree with her wording, however she does have a point.

You said yourself you’ll have three children to look after if I’m understanding what you wrote correctly, one being an infant that may or may not be walking by then.

Although, she’ll have five other people, I’m wondering if she thinks you’ll struggle leaving the 10 mo with your husband and you’ll have baby with you if you were a bridesmaid.

Are your parents a part of the wedding? Would they have been able to keep their grandchildren occupied if you had been a bridesmaid?

Also, how close are you and your sister?

Find the shock over bridesmaids a bit weird. When I was a child, 5 was a normal
number of bridesmaids and this was before social media.

arcticpandas · 29/12/2025 17:13

Wow. If my sister talked to me like that I wouldn't even go to her bloody wedding. Tell her that you don't want to embarrass her showing up obese at her wedding so you better pass. She sounds horrible tbh. Didn't know people actually were so rude to each other in a family.

TheatricalLife · 29/12/2025 17:15

Cringing for her. Hopefully she'll look back and realise how much of a twat the comments about the weight and the being the centre of attention made her look.
Honestly, sounds like it's a blessing in disguise for you. You can sit back and watch all the dramatics unfold in peace - because there will be lots judging by what she's said so far.

lemonraspberry · 29/12/2025 17:18

clumsily put but with 4 children to manage, bridesmaid duties may well be a curse rather than a blessing for you. And yes, as the bride she will be expecting to be the centre of attention, it comes with the role.

GrillaMilla · 29/12/2025 17:20

I think you've had a narrow escape.
You don't have to get involved in any of the organising/helping drama.

No pressure, just sit back and watch.

Although I'd have to tell her the weight comment was hurtful, she shouldn't get away with that.

Spookyspaghetti · 29/12/2025 17:22

I would remind her of this if she has kids and she comes asking for babysitting. People do get like this before a wedding. Hopefully she will look back at this with some perspective in years to come and be thoroughly embarrassed by her attitude.

Badgerandfox227 · 29/12/2025 17:23

I think she’s really out of order mentioning your baby weight, but I do think you’ve dodged a bullet here as she sounds like she’s going to be a handful. I’d just let her get on with it and thank your blessings x

DahlsChickenz · 29/12/2025 17:24

Smells like ragebait...

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 29/12/2025 17:26

She's a rude little bugger.

However if she just generally prefers to have her mates ie her contemporaries, rather than an older sister, then that's fair enough - and in this case I think you're well out of it

Heresto26 · 29/12/2025 17:27

Bigtreeesss · 29/12/2025 16:16

Sounds like your sister is incredibly self centred and you’ll have a much nicer time not having to fawn around her on the wedding day

Edited

Yes this. I think it's a bit of a cheek doing this and for those reasons but in a way I think you've dodged a bullet so just have nothing to do with it.

Sleepasaurus · 29/12/2025 17:29

The comment about being busy with the children is fair enough but the baby weight comment is rude!
Lucky escape @Lottie585 , I can see this being a nightmare!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

DaisyChain505 · 29/12/2025 17:30

She’s not a nice person.

One of my bridesmaids was 8 months pregnant for my wedding, I also let them all pick their dresses so they were all comfortable in what they were wearing, the same with shoes and their hair and make up preferences.

I couldn’t have cared less what they looked like, what they weighed or anything else. it was just important that they were there.

Hellohelga · 29/12/2025 17:35

I agree you will have your hands full on the day. Could you be her matron of honour with some important but less time consuming role. You could be there for the build up and getting ready but during the actual ceremony bow out, so as to be free to deal with your DC.

JustAboutHangingInThere · 29/12/2025 17:43

Gobsmacked about baby weight comment and your care for your children. As others have said you’re well out of it. Aesthetics and focus are clearly her top priority and not family involvement. Her day, her rules. Each to their own I suppose. You can enjoy the day without any of the stress.

PInkyStarfish · 29/12/2025 17:48

You’ve dodged a bullet. Rather than embrace the idea of it being a lovely bonding time she has made it clear that she wants to be feted and bowed down to.

She will be a nightmare bride.

SchrodingersKoala · 29/12/2025 17:58

She sounds like a twat, what the hell is she on about losing baby weight, you are her sister what dam difference does it make what size you are and with 4/5 other people as bridesmaids (ridiculous) she's hardly going to be short of people to "fuss her". I have 3 kids and was my sister's maid of honour, her other 2 adult bridesmaids had both just had babies a few months before, it made dress shopping a bit hard but we all looked lovely. My sister didnt sack anyone because they were pregnant, that is ridiculous to do to your friend nevermind your sister.

Parky04 · 29/12/2025 18:04

I bet your DH is glad. Looking after 3 young kids at a wedding is bloody hard work!

SereneCoralExpert · 29/12/2025 18:05

Everything else was reasonable, plus being her sister, you will be in the wedding party anyway, so it's totally reasonable to ask friends, but

she is worried that I won't have lost my baby weight by the date of her wedding

she what? That's rude and unkind and frankly bitchy.

TimeForATerf · 29/12/2025 18:05

YANBU to be hurt, but I would see it as a blessing, you are excused from her drama and get to enjoy the day as a guest with no responsibilities.