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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am very upset that I haven't been asked to be my sister's bridesmaid.

137 replies

Lottie585 · 29/12/2025 16:14

Let me preface this with - I will absolutely get over it but ...

My little sister told me on Christmas Day that she has decided to ask her five friends to be her bridesmaids. She said that she is worried that I won't have lost my baby weight by the date of her wedding (I'm pregnant now and the baby will be 10 months old), plus I will have 3 kids to look after and she thinks I won't have the time to make her the certain of attention.

Most likely an excellent point because yes my kids are very important to me.

Why do I feel so bad about this? I've clearly romanticised this in my head. She was my bridesmaid. I would have loved to be hers. I'm also 13 weeks pregnant - so hormonal! But I'm sad 😂 am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie585 · 30/12/2025 08:37

21secondstopassthemic · 30/12/2025 06:26

Do you not have any of your own friends who could have been your bridesmaid or attended your own hen? If the only people at your hen do were your sister and sister-in-law, you probably don't understand how friends can be far closer than sisters, especially when you put them last.

It sounds like you don't really care about anyone other than your kids, this was exemplified in your lack of attendance to your own sister's engagement party. Perhaps this is why you didn't have any of your own friends as bridesmaids or attending your hen. In my opinion she is feeling bitter that you didn't attend her engagement party (rightfully so) and is consequently making a cruel jibe about your weight and excluding you as she doesn't think you value her.

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No I had lots of friends at my hen! I organised it with my mum, sister and sister in law because I had asked them to be my bridesmaids and then my mum has a reasonable sized house so we held it there. I asked my sister and sister in law because to me marriage is about two families joining together and the commitment of the couple. Plus I still have 12 school friends and then friends from uni and I didn't want to single anyone out.

I was highlighting the tasks my sister performed for me at my wedding as I'm stunned that because for one night I didn't jump to the brides tune that means I wouldn't be a good bridesmaid. I mean realistically what do they actually have to do? Plan a hen, go to a bridal appointment, walk down an aisle and then have some fun? Not exactly challenging. I've been a bridesmaid before pregnant and it wasn't hard.

You've worked out that I don't care about anyone apart from my own kids because for one night in the past 4 of motherhood my husband and 2 kids both had chicken pocks. My husband was very miserable with it and my kids were needing looked after?

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 30/12/2025 08:43

She sounds horrible with her remarks about baby weight, but honestly, it sounds like you're better off out of it. Just enjoy the day and be sure to share all the best bridezilla stories here. 😉

RampantIvy · 30/12/2025 08:43

and she thinks I won't have the time to make her the certain of attention.

Give me strength. What is it about weddings that turns some women into attention seeking bridezillas?

Just how much "help" does a bride need on her wedding day?

@Lottie585 it sounds like you haven't so much dodged a bullet, but have dodged a huge cannon ball. Be pleased that you won't be included in this potential car crash.

Moaningminnieagain · 30/12/2025 09:03

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/12/2025 06:08

It wasn’t about managing for one evening, it was managing for one evening with young children with chickenpox. I’m capable with 3 kids and there have been times with sick kids that I have wanted two of us parents around- there are obviously 2 kids already for the op and sometimes the sick one takes full attention (especially if holding buckets/ changing or catching diarrhoea) and the second parent is invaluable for parenting the other one, or if they are both unwell just for surviving. That’s parenting life.

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@99bottlesofkombucha ive been a single parent of two for 10 years now. Im not saying this as a martyr but in my case you just have to suck it up and manage because you have no choice and there's no way you can do anything else. The op wasn't like this, she had the support and opted to miss her sister's engagement do. She couldnt just let him do the childcare for a few hours. I can see how the sister could have thought then that there's no way her sister could manage any bridesmaid type stuff with a third child as well. Of course the weight stuff is mean, i agree with that. I think the op should just enjoy not having anything extra to do/just enjoy the wedding.

RampantIvy · 30/12/2025 09:08

Moaningminnieagain · 30/12/2025 09:03

@99bottlesofkombucha ive been a single parent of two for 10 years now. Im not saying this as a martyr but in my case you just have to suck it up and manage because you have no choice and there's no way you can do anything else. The op wasn't like this, she had the support and opted to miss her sister's engagement do. She couldnt just let him do the childcare for a few hours. I can see how the sister could have thought then that there's no way her sister could manage any bridesmaid type stuff with a third child as well. Of course the weight stuff is mean, i agree with that. I think the op should just enjoy not having anything extra to do/just enjoy the wedding.

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Well done. Have a gold medal.

The husband also had chicken pox, and it is much worse in adults so he would have been incapable of looking after the children anyway.

landlordhell · 30/12/2025 09:11

Lottie585 · 29/12/2025 16:25

Yes. I should also add that she was upset that I didn't go to her engagement party as my kids had the chickenpox and told my brother that she thought it was pathetic that my husband couldn't handle the kids himself for one night. I got dressed to go to it but they were both poorly with it and to be honest I was at my wits end.

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This is a bit rubbish, you should have gone. However her comment about baby weight is unforgivable.

Original poster
Lottie585 · 30/12/2025 10:08

Thank you so much for everyones comments and judgement! 😂.

I recognise that none of you actually know me but the engagement party was a complete one off and if any of you have ever had chicken pox as an adult it's not fun and he was finding it difficult to manage.

In my view sometimes you have to go where is needed - not where you want to be and to be honest I would much rather have been at the engagement party - who wouldn't! (That probably makes me a crap mother but so be it! 🙈)

I will go to the wedding and enjoy as a guest with my kids! And if I'm lucky enough to be invited to the hen I will go to that too.

My wedding wasn't a big deal to me - it was more about the people and I never did the engagement party thing because that sounded like an effort so I cannot relate 🤷‍♂️.

OP posts:
Daytimetellyqueen · 30/12/2025 10:21

Lottie585 · 30/12/2025 10:08

Thank you so much for everyones comments and judgement! 😂.

I recognise that none of you actually know me but the engagement party was a complete one off and if any of you have ever had chicken pox as an adult it's not fun and he was finding it difficult to manage.

In my view sometimes you have to go where is needed - not where you want to be and to be honest I would much rather have been at the engagement party - who wouldn't! (That probably makes me a crap mother but so be it! 🙈)

I will go to the wedding and enjoy as a guest with my kids! And if I'm lucky enough to be invited to the hen I will go to that too.

My wedding wasn't a big deal to me - it was more about the people and I never did the engagement party thing because that sounded like an effort so I cannot relate 🤷‍♂️.

I think you’re missing the point (at least my point) - no one blames you at all for missing the engagement party because your kids & husband were sick, that’s totally understandable & any decent mum would do the same.

However, it does show that your kids come first (again, absolutely as it should be!) & for your sister, she wants bridesmaids who won’t be unavailable at the last minute due to child emergencies, so she’s not worrying about them cancelling last minute & allows her to be the focus / centre of attention.

[She may well be a bridezilla but equally, if getting married isn’t the one time you can be centre of attention, when can you?!!]

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/12/2025 10:23

Moaningminnieagain · 30/12/2025 09:03

@99bottlesofkombucha ive been a single parent of two for 10 years now. Im not saying this as a martyr but in my case you just have to suck it up and manage because you have no choice and there's no way you can do anything else. The op wasn't like this, she had the support and opted to miss her sister's engagement do. She couldnt just let him do the childcare for a few hours. I can see how the sister could have thought then that there's no way her sister could manage any bridesmaid type stuff with a third child as well. Of course the weight stuff is mean, i agree with that. I think the op should just enjoy not having anything extra to do/just enjoy the wedding.

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He had chickenpox, adult chickenpox. Which is usually awful. If my dh left me with adult chickenpox looking after 2 dc with chickenpox so he could go to a family thing then I’d be single too, because what on gods earth would be the point of a partner like that??

lazyarse123 · 30/12/2025 10:37

SunnySideDeepDown · 29/12/2025 22:30

But she also doesn’t make a habit of having engagement parties. This is a once in a lifetime event (hopefully). She wanted her family to show up. You celebrating in other ways doesn’t make it ok to ditch the party last minute.

Chicken pox is rarely severe and temperatures can be dealt with using calpol. If it were a weekend away I’d understand not going but you could have managed a few hours.

She’s probably worried you’ll bale again if your children are unwell, or will spend the time running after your kids. Her wedding is her one day to have exactly how she wants it. She hasn’t uninvited you, she just chose other bridesmaids who can focus more on the task in hand.

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I don't agree i think she sounds like a self centred individual.
My 3 children had chicken pox at the same time and we had the doctor out to one of them, in the good old days, who said if he got much worse he would need to go to hospital, luckily he didn't but in those circumstances i wouldn't have left my dh to cope alone neither would i have wanted to leave the kids.
She had already celebrated her engagement with the op. Just how much attention does this girl want?

landlordhell · 30/12/2025 10:40

Lottie585 · 30/12/2025 10:08

Thank you so much for everyones comments and judgement! 😂.

I recognise that none of you actually know me but the engagement party was a complete one off and if any of you have ever had chicken pox as an adult it's not fun and he was finding it difficult to manage.

In my view sometimes you have to go where is needed - not where you want to be and to be honest I would much rather have been at the engagement party - who wouldn't! (That probably makes me a crap mother but so be it! 🙈)

I will go to the wedding and enjoy as a guest with my kids! And if I'm lucky enough to be invited to the hen I will go to that too.

My wedding wasn't a big deal to me - it was more about the people and I never did the engagement party thing because that sounded like an effort so I cannot relate 🤷‍♂️.

I didn’t read that your DH had the pox too until a later post. Fair enough. My DH was a bit upset when his eldest brother ( by 18mo) didn’t ask him to be best man. He chose his mate at the time. Now, 30 years on the brothers are very close and the mate is no longer, for this reason I do think family should come first, excluding a terrible relationship with them etc.

dottiedodah · 30/12/2025 12:10

Kindly with 3 children and expecting another .you will have your hands full! Just go along and enjoy yourself and relax.She sounds a little self absorbed .

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