I am very upset that I haven't been asked to be my sister's bridesmaid.

[Lottie585]

Let me preface this with - I will absolutely get over it but ...

My little sister told me on Christmas Day that she has decided to ask her five friends to be her bridesmaids. She said that she is worried that I won't have lost my baby weight by the date of her wedding (I'm pregnant now and the baby will be 10 months old), plus I will have 3 kids to look after and she thinks I won't have the time to make her the certain of attention.

Most likely an excellent point because yes my kids are very important to me.

Why do I feel so bad about this? I've clearly romanticised this in my head. She was my bridesmaid. I would have loved to be hers. I'm also 13 weeks pregnant - so hormonal! But I'm sad 😂 am I being unreasonable?

Your sister sounds awful. Bridesmaids aren’t props, they are the people you love and are honouring.

She’s very rude and has a bad case of main character syndrome. It sounds like she will be a bridezilla and make your life a misery if you are a bridesmaid so look on the bright side, you can just enjoy the wedding with no responsibility to the bride. She really is awful though.

As soon as I read "5 bridesmaids" I thought "you've had a lucky escape!" 😂

Seriously, sit back, relax, enjoy yourself on the day. She's gifted you a good deal!

I didn't expect to be a bridesmaid for my little sister, she had her friends and I had a toddler and a 1 year old when she for married.

She was my chief bridesmaid, but she would never make a comment about my weight or being the centre of attention for her wedding. She's not I sensitive like that and doesn't crave attention.

You can sit back and enjoy all the problems her me-me-me attitude will produce, sit back and enjoy it! Just ensure that you are never available to help out, let her know that the Famous Five should have everything in hand.

I would be anonymously gifting her some Regina George style protein bars. In all seriousness her comment about your weight was cruel and un necessary.

You have indeed had a lucky escape.

Yes, she’s probably sore because you didn’t go to the engagement party. And she’s right…you won’t be able to support her in the run up to the wedding in the way she expects. Her expectations are likely to be very high.

If she doesn’t have young dc, she probably doesn’t get it that you couldn’t just waltz out the door and leave your poorly dc with your unwell DH. When my dd had chicken pox, she was so uncomfortable that I sat up cradling her all night for 3 nights straight as it was the only way she would sleep. I thought I was going mad by the end of it. Until that point, I had no idea that chicken pox could be so rotten.

As others have already suggested, leave it be. Concentrate on being a guest at the wedding and enjoying your sister’s day with your lovely dc.

No but my sister in law did and was 6 months pregnant ☺️.

That’s pretty shitty of you though.

Your husband absolutely should be able to handle two unwell kids for a few hours. It’s chicken pox, not pneumonia.

If you never prioritise her, why do you think she’ll prioritise you?

I have three kids who I love and prioritise but there are some instances where I put others first - one of those would be my siblings engagement party. Different if you were a single parent but you’re not.

No. I should have added that my husband also had chicken pox and we had already had a celebratory family meal for the engagement and a girls day out with my mum and myself to celebrate. Perhaps it was shitty of me but it was a horrible weekend of high temperatures and everything going wrong. Definitely not how my life usually goes and definitely not something I make a habit of.

Thank you everyone ☺️. I will leave it be. We are very different people anyway and I am sure it will be lovely to sit back and enjoy.

But she also doesn’t make a habit of having engagement parties. This is a once in a lifetime event (hopefully). She wanted her family to show up. You celebrating in other ways doesn’t make it ok to ditch the party last minute.

Chicken pox is rarely severe and temperatures can be dealt with using calpol. If it were a weekend away I’d understand not going but you could have managed a few hours.

She’s probably worried you’ll bale again if your children are unwell, or will spend the time running after your kids. Her wedding is her one day to have exactly how she wants it. She hasn’t uninvited you, she just chose other bridesmaids who can focus more on the task in hand.

I understand your point of view although I don't agree. I had wanted to go and I didn't make it about me when I couldn't. Everyone else in our family went but if that's the reason she hasn't asked me (or any other reason being too pregnant busy whatever) I shall just need to accept it.

It’ll be the reason she thinks you can’t be relied upon to put her and the wedding first (& understandably so).

I assume she doesn’t have kids, so she can’t really be expected to understand either

Your sister is a Bridezilla i wouldn’t want to be her Bridesmaid anyway, so what is you hadn’t lost your baby weight and she wants to be the centre of your attention, she’s a spoilt brat and is self absorbed you’ve had a lucky escape.

I'm definitely struggling to understand that mindset and as a bride (6 years ago) I would never have expected anyone to put my wedding before their kids especially not my engagement party - but I didn't have one 🤷‍♂️. It was unfortunate that weekend but if that's the reason then okay 🤷‍♂️.

Chicken pox as an adult can be horrendous. I can easily understand why OP felt she couldn't leave her sick husband to care for two sick children.

Sorry I've just been thinking about this and I think we are approaching this from 2 very different view points of what a bridesmaid actually does and I'm really intrigued to know if I'm missing something important.

For my wedding, my sister showed up got her hair and makeup done (paid for by me) put on a dress (chosen by her and paid for by me), walked down an aisle and spent the rest of the day drinking and dancing.

She planned a hen do with me and my other bridesmaid that basically involved champagne in our parents house with a few games and she came and gave me very honest feedback on wedding dresses one day when I went to try them on.

That's it.

I'm not sure what task I would be unavailable or unable to complete when in my life as a mother (4 years) I have had one weekend where I was unable to attend a party because my family were unwell.

Am I missing something?

While I am with you and that's exactly what I did for my wedding.....not all are like that. Some expect very elaborate hen dos, various activities leading up to the wedding, lots of practical help in organizing the wedding. We're talking a lot of time and money spent by the bridesmaids on this....it's mad.

She did indeed 😂.

Your sister is a complete asshole and idiot.

It wasn’t about managing for one evening, it was managing for one evening with young children with chickenpox. I’m capable with 3 kids and there have been times with sick kids that I have wanted two of us parents around- there are obviously 2 kids already for the op and sometimes the sick one takes full attention (especially if holding buckets/ changing or catching diarrhoea) and the second parent is invaluable for parenting the other one, or if they are both unwell just for surviving. That’s parenting life.

She sounds shallow, selfish and genuinely nasty op, I wish for your 3rd pregnancy that you also start standing up for yourself. Her comment was nasty and you should push back ‘so you only care about people if they meet your weight standards? Is that in your vows- in sickness and in health, as long as you don’t put on weight? I’ll check with <grooms name> and make sure he knows you take that part very seriously. Do you want a 6 month allowance for baby weight, I know 10 months is too long for you.’ Give her a few sharp and honest comments back op, make her realise you’re not a good target.

Do you not have any of your own friends who could have been your bridesmaid or attended your own hen? If the only people at your hen do were your sister and sister-in-law, you probably don't understand how friends can be far closer than sisters, especially when you put them last.

It sounds like you don't really care about anyone other than your kids, this was exemplified in your lack of attendance to your own sister's engagement party. Perhaps this is why you didn't have any of your own friends as bridesmaids or attending your hen. In my opinion she is feeling bitter that you didn't attend her engagement party (rightfully so) and is consequently making a cruel jibe about your weight and excluding you as she doesn't think you value her.

Your sister is a knob.

People go nuts when it comes to their weddings. Yes may be a result of the engagement party.

I once lost a friend and wasn’t invited to her wedding as I had to pull out of her hen do (with plenty of notice and I covered the cost) after i developed a health condition that meant I was very restricted on what I could eat while waiting for surgery.