I am very upset that I haven't been asked to be my sister's bridesmaid.

[Lottie585]

Let me preface this with - I will absolutely get over it but ...

My little sister told me on Christmas Day that she has decided to ask her five friends to be her bridesmaids. She said that she is worried that I won't have lost my baby weight by the date of her wedding (I'm pregnant now and the baby will be 10 months old), plus I will have 3 kids to look after and she thinks I won't have the time to make her the certain of attention.

Most likely an excellent point because yes my kids are very important to me.

Why do I feel so bad about this? I've clearly romanticised this in my head. She was my bridesmaid. I would have loved to be hers. I'm also 13 weeks pregnant - so hormonal! But I'm sad 😂 am I being unreasonable?

@Lottie585 tbh I would agree here as you have a partner who is the dad yet you missed her engagement party. She was cruel to mention the weight but doesnt sound like you can manage both childcare and wedding stuff realistically if you can't let your other half manage for one evening. Just enjoy the wedding as a guest, much less hassle

You have dodged a gigantic Bridezilla bullet.

tbh this is the most reasonable part of all the shite she said. plenty of brides wanna do the centre of attention thing on their big day and fair play, if not then when etc.

the fatphobia and the implication the OP is unable to be anything but mum? gtfo

Let's hope none of her five friends get pregnant in the next year or so!

Your sister sounds like a nasty piece of goods tbh, I would be grateful not to have to spend the day kissing the hem of her robes 😱

Excluding your sister because a) she might look like a normal post-partum mother in the photos, and b) she might have attachments to other human beings besides The Bride… yeah, nope. It sounds like the sort of shallow, appearance-focused, narcissistic wedding I dread, so I’d probably tell her to swivel on it and stay at home being fat and unglamorous with my inconvenient rugrats.

Tl:dr while hurtful I do think in aggregate you have got the right outcome

She sounds like a total bit of a cock tbh..

It IS crap but of you zoom out i think you dodged a bullet because if you were asked it would be a year /18m of her nonsense and at the end even after you jumped through alllllll the hoops she'd be berating you and telling you what a sack of shit you were

OP, honestly, someone who could say that to anyone is a witch, and you are well out of the shit show that is likely to emerge.
My husband was well able to look after our 3 children alone but I wouldn't want to be away from three children sick with chickenpox.
All 3 of mine were sick as pigs when it went through our house.
A right dose.

I would quietly step back from someone like this, even in family.
No doubt there will be drama and you will be so glad to enjoy the day away from it with zero pressure.
In my experience people like your sister whom are very dismissive of other people's stresses with small children, tend to be absolutely the most dramatic when they eventually have a child themselves.
Two of my good friends had sister's like this who gave them zero understanding, support, or even basic kindness when they had young children first.
By the time they had their own children, they suddenly decided they had sisters with useful younger children to entertain theirs, and expected to suddenly be able to visit whenever they liked for as long as they liked!
They got quite the shock when it was made gently but firmly clear, that they were at a different stage and too busy at weekends with sports and social activities to host endlessly.
Nor were they willing to babysit and give them a break!
Take this as an opportunity to have a nice day with your husband and let your sister crack on.

If she is middle, is there another excluded sister or is it a younger brother?
Bite your lip if you can.
She may live to regret it. I made some questionable decisions round my own wedding and still cringe a bit to this day...decades later...

Sounding shallow and insensitive right there.
Can imagine her being unbearable on the day and perhaps if you'd been a bridesmaid as her sister you mightve got it in the neck much more than the others
You've had a narrow escape
So go buy yourself a fabulous wedding outfit, making sure that you look GOOD
whilst shaking those tail feathers!!

I get it. I’ve always wanted to be a bridesmaid and my sister knew it. But she decided not to have any at her wedding. I was gutted but got over it. I was one of the witnesses instead. It was a lovely day.

Presumably she didn't have a baby and kids when she was your bridesmaid and you were centre of attention at your wedding. Fifty fifty on this one.

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape tbh

Yeah, sounds like a narrow escape; wanting to be 'centre of attention' rings alarm bells, although perhaps she was just expressing clumsily that you have too much going on in you're life to give much time to the wedding, and she may be expecting BMs to give it a lot of time. It's not unreasonable not to ask you because she knows it might be a bit much of a commitment with you having 3 small kids, but to mention your weight is just insensitive.

I didn't have my sister as BM , just niece as flowergirl, but that was just as I was wearing a shorter, simple coloured dress (which was in fact a bridesmaid dress) so it's not like a I needed BMs to help me move around in the dress or get me into it, and also it wouldn't be obvious who was the bride so that wasn't going to work. I wasn't sister's MOH or anything either, as she had various nieces from our and DH's side.

I think everyone is being a bit harsh on the sister! Yes, the baby weight comment was wrong but she wants the day to be about her and fair enough. She already knows you decided at the last minute not to come to her engagement party and leave your dc with their father so in her eyes you will not be able to trust your dh with the dc on her wedding day.

She sounds pretty horrendous tbh. Worried you might not have lost your baby weight? Sounds like she thinks you’ll ruin her photos!
You’ve had a lucky escape by the sounds of it!

I'd be briefly upset but also count my blessings.

If she's so shallow now, God help those bridesmaids closer to the wedding.

Mate, you dodged a bullet. She sounds like a massive dickhead! Being a bride and demanding to be the centre of attention is not going to make that better.

I think her reasonings behind why she doesn’t want you to be her bridesmaid is nimrod hurtful than just saying she’s asked her friends instead. She didn’t need to tell you her reasonings. I would be hurt. Who’s to say her 5 friends won’t get pregnant? Or get fatter? Or have other priorities?

Goodness me - won’t have lost the ‘baby weight’! What a shocking comment to make. Apart from the fact that this is a tired stereotype which is so often different to the reality (while everyone is different, pregnancy really does not automatically equal significant weight gain that takes so long to reverse), she’s directly told you that she cares more about the aesthetics of the pictures than about you. Haven’t RTFT, but is she typically a bit selfish and unpleasant like this?

She is being hurtful. The kind thing to do would have been to ask you and allow you to decline.

You have dodged such a bullet

You have dodged a catastrophic high velocity bullet.

Ok

I think this is what it's about.

I'd be happy to escape that sort of remit too.

Strap in @Lottie585, it's only going to get worse.

Possibly. But we had already had an engagement family dinner and a girls night to celebrate with me and my mum. Husband also had chicken pox.