To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

[OhMyLantern]

I’ve recently been through hell. I was bullied really badly by my manager, regarding my disability and it was well documented. I ended up having to leave my job and my mental health really suffered. I had no job to go to so ended up borrowing £5000 from my own mum and dad to cover my bills while I searched for a new job. Me and my employer recently settled outside of tribunal and I got £18,000. Again, it’s a nice amount but given I nearly lost my life through suicide and the stress it’s put me under it doesn’t feel like a win at all. I’m only just now rebuilding my confidence again.

I’ve paid back my parents, and luckily start a new job next month but will have to cover my bills until then. My best friend has however asked me for £5000 to help with her debts as they’re getting her down and she says she’s struggling to cope and feels suicidal . These are self inflicted debts by the way, think new nails, new car, holidays. She also lives with her dad and only pays for their food shopping and no bills, and earns around 2K a month so I don’t know how she’s racked up so much and even then, can’t pay it.

I'm also feeling bitter because when I was struggling for money and really on my bones, my friend didn’t even offer me a food shop or anything else. Hated listening about what was happening at work and brushed it off. Never offered any advice and always turned the conversation to herself.

I know I need to say no, that I don’t want to bail her out- but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m being unreasonable even though I’m not and I know I’d never see that money again. She hasn’t always been a bad friend as such, she does drive long hours to come see me and has done lots of little house jobs for me before.

The suicide threat to try forcing you to give her £5000 is absolutely unforgivable. She’s literally weaponising your own suicidal ideation against you. She’s manipulative and cruel.

This is why it feels so wrong - it’s so much much worse than average chancers with their sob stories.

What a cheeky bitch. Tell her to fuck off.

Without reading all 7 pages, so I'm sure someone else will have picked up on it, but knowing that you nearly lost your life through suicide...could your friend not be alluding to feeling suicidal herself to tug on your heartstrings? And if this is the case, what kind of friend is she? It sounds like you've been to hell and back- that money is yours. You won't see a penny if you do give it to her.

She isn't your friend op. She knows you are vulnerable and is targeting you. That is beyond the pale in my book.

What so she messaged you something like “can I have £5000” or “can you let me have £5000” rather than “can you lend me”?

CF doesn’t really cover it if that’s the case!

i would certainly borrow from pp and say no. Wrap it up in reasons like, “I had to pay back my parents and I have to pay for my next month’s living expenses and so I haven’t anything left unaccounted for” if that makes you feel better, but equally “no I can’t, sorry” is perfectly acceptable- you don’t have to justify your no.

Please do look after yourself @OhMyLantern . You have been through so much!

Do not give her this. She’s taking the piss and you will never see it back. If she’s suicidal (doubt it, she’s probably saying it to manipulate you) tell her to phone the Samaritans.

Don't do this. Well-meaning, but very bad advice.

Hard No. Absolutely don't give her anything.

She's an opportunist. Tell her no.

She isn’t your friend.

“Unfortunately I am not able to help you out.”
”But you’ve just had a big payout. I know you have the money.”
”That’s right I have had a payout but the money is already spoken for. I can’t help you.”

Give no explanation and no apology.

If she asks again or badgers you you say, “A true friend would not act like this.” and then you walk away.

No.

Be brave and say no. You cannot allow yourself to be in a perilous financial position.

Or say you've already paid it into your pension and can't touch it. 😉

Keep it brief. You’re sorry, but you have debts to pay and other expenses. Seriously, don’t do it. I can’t emphasise this enough. If you give it to her, she will ask for more. If you lend it to her, you will never see it again. DP lent money to a family member years ago. He and his partner wanted to buy a car and didn’t have the full amount. They paid him back pretty reliably for a while, but then it just tailed off. And there was an ongoing dispute between family member and partner over whose debt it was. A few more dribs and drabs, then nothing. They split up and we just couldn’t be arsed chasing it. The joke was that we were the ones who felt uncomfortable and embarrassed about it all. They couldn’t have given a monkey’s.

As other wise ladies have said. Decline ( no need to say why, you owe her zero reason) and slow fade her from your life. Onwards and upwards 2026 !

If you feel yourself weakening @OhMyLantern jump straight on this thread & we will lend your our spines until yours is up to the job!

Dont give reasons, just say no.

You need to summon up an inner RAGE at this bloody parasite!
She is not your friend. She is preying on you at your most vulnerable for no reason other than she doesn’t want to pay back money for all the luxuries she has enjoyed while you have been on the bones of your arse.
Which she couldn’t even be bothered to support you with emotionally

Please do NOT lend ANY money to anyone. Congratulations to you with your new job that’s wonderful news. Big hugs and Happy New Year to you, look after yourself. 👍👏👏

Can your parents safeguard the money for you? If that won't cause its own problems of course.
If your friend is in debt, why does she have a new car? She can sell it! My sister lives in a £1.5m house no mortgage, and drives a small old Fiat. She's sensible. Your friend is a greedy so and so.

Whilst OP can just say no and not elaborate, it sounds like she will find that hard to do and the friend will harangue her so having a reason why not will help

@OhMyLantern did you tell her how much you got as a payment? If not say you had to repay your parents and now it will be really tight until you start your new job.

If you told her the amount and what is left after repaying your parents, just say unfortunately you can't help as you won't have job security for some time. You need to use that money to cover costs until you start work and keep aside the rest as you don't currently have job security.

Do not engage at all. Blank her, and block all ways of commumicating. Otherwise no matter what you say she will plead, admonish, mock, manipulate every single time. The friendship is over anyway and thats a good thing, getting rid of excess baggage will help your mental health no end.

This situation comes up on here a lot and the answer is always (rightly) “do not lend it” and “your friend is a cheeky fucker”.

You are not a bank. Never lend money to friends, ever ever ever. Give them food if they’re starving, that’s about as far as you should go.

She shouldn’t have asked.
.

She’s not your friend. Say no obviously

Don't give her a penny. You will never get it back and it's a lot of money to lose. As others have said if it makes it easier to refuse her, say the money has already been spent on paying back debts or whatever. Not that you need an excuse to turn down a cheeky fucker who is taking the piss.