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Original poster

To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

365 replies

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 15:44

I’ve recently been through hell. I was bullied really badly by my manager, regarding my disability and it was well documented. I ended up having to leave my job and my mental health really suffered. I had no job to go to so ended up borrowing £5000 from my own mum and dad to cover my bills while I searched for a new job. Me and my employer recently settled outside of tribunal and I got £18,000. Again, it’s a nice amount but given I nearly lost my life through suicide and the stress it’s put me under it doesn’t feel like a win at all. I’m only just now rebuilding my confidence again.

I’ve paid back my parents, and luckily start a new job next month but will have to cover my bills until then. My best friend has however asked me for £5000 to help with her debts as they’re getting her down and she says she’s struggling to cope and feels suicidal . These are self inflicted debts by the way, think new nails, new car, holidays. She also lives with her dad and only pays for their food shopping and no bills, and earns around 2K a month so I don’t know how she’s racked up so much and even then, can’t pay it.

I'm also feeling bitter because when I was struggling for money and really on my bones, my friend didn’t even offer me a food shop or anything else. Hated listening about what was happening at work and brushed it off. Never offered any advice and always turned the conversation to herself.

I know I need to say no, that I don’t want to bail her out- but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m being unreasonable even though I’m not and I know I’d never see that money again. She hasn’t always been a bad friend as such, she does drive long hours to come see me and has done lots of little house jobs for me before.

OP posts:
IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 29/12/2025 22:19

Oh, no i can't help you. It's in a high interest bond & inaccessible for several years.

blubberyboo · 29/12/2025 22:33

If she isnt even planning on paying you back its probably because shes already imagining her next purchases once your money clears her credit cards. Or a gambler

AcquadiP · 29/12/2025 22:49

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 19:10

Thank you all. I won’t be lending her anything. Had the whole spiel of “if I was in the same situation and you needed it, I’d do it without hesitation” which is a very easy thing for her to say considering she’s not.

The right decision.

She didn't put her hand in her pocket to help you out in any way shape or form when you were penniless.

I just tell her I'd invested the money as a lump sum in a private pension with my bank and had no means of withdrawing it. You could also suggest she seeks free debt advice from Payplan or Stepchange.

She doesn't sound much of a friend to be honest.

Makingadecision · 29/12/2025 22:54

She’s not your friend. Don’t lend her money

aloris · 30/12/2025 01:27

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 19:10

Thank you all. I won’t be lending her anything. Had the whole spiel of “if I was in the same situation and you needed it, I’d do it without hesitation” which is a very easy thing for her to say considering she’s not.

But you were and she didn't.

cocog · 30/12/2025 02:09

Tell her you need to pay your debts and the rest of the money is accounted for and you won’t be lending any money out. Or you have invested it all.

hardhatson · 30/12/2025 02:12

I’d play her at her own game and give her a taste of her own medicine. I’d say omg I feel the same, I have loads of debt to pay off and feel suicidal too. So hope you understand that I need to sort myself out first and already paid towards my own debt. And I’d egg on the impact to your health a lot where she has no pushback bc if she says the same thing it would look weird that she’s pushing you to give her money when you’re experiencing the same thing

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/12/2025 02:35

If you think saying no will be uncomfortable imagine how you'd feel giving her the money, knowing you'll never see it again and watching her build her debt back up again frittering it away on the same old shit. By that stage you'll not want to see her ever again. Keep the money for a rainy day, tell her you'll help her sort a debt management plan and draw up a budget so she can control her spending once she's sorted. She's living at home earning £2k so she can get herself out of this without resorting to helping herself to your money.

Crochetandtea · 30/12/2025 02:42

Tell her you are repaying your parents and then putting the rest into long term savings so you have a solid buffer for any future rainy days. She’d have to be an absolute sock to want your rainy day fund to pay for her nails etc. Shut down any mention of money at every opportunity.

Crochetandtea · 30/12/2025 02:43

*Dick not sock ??

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/12/2025 03:06

GreyBeeplus3 · 29/12/2025 16:34

She's no 'friend'
She's done those 'long car trips' and 'little jobs' expecting that one day she'd get something in return for being a 'friend' and that something is the sum of £5000
Even you've acknowledged that she's bad with money and has no serious outgoings so you know you'll not get a penny back citing your 'friendship' as been more important than mere money
Tell her no and say you borrowed much, much more than anticipated from your parents and they want their money back.So she will just have to suck her own debt up like the rest of us do
I would even say she may have been your 'friend' because you've described yourself as disabled and it made her look good
I hate to say that, but I've a disabled relation and people love to patronise what they see as an underdog. Believe me
Also Good Luck in your new job my Love!
Go get that Happiness!!

This, op @OhMyLantern

I'd be very circumscept and light...

I wouldn't treat such an outrageous request seriously..
She honestly thinks you would want to GIVE her 5k?? ...😁..

No doubt so she can generously 'negotiate' ... Ah I could come down to 4.5k or 3k? .so your thoughts are anchored on several thousand...

So, I'd go with something like.... (don't worry about stretching the truth with these chancers...

"Oh nope! ... Sorry I can't give you any money, (tinkly laugh) .. ... Have had to pay my parents back loads... I hadn't realised it had got so much.... and then I had that high credit card bill... Bloody hell doesn't it add up... (refise to be drawn on the figures...).... Bloody hell who does have dosh these days?! ! Think you need to get a sugar daddy with a heart condition!! Ha ha'

Your goal is to bat it back, don't get involved in any' discussion '... Change the subject... Set an alarm on your phone so she thinks you're taking a lengthy call in another room..

Anything to disrupt her...

Just don't treat this as worthy if a serious conversation...

ActiveTiger · 30/12/2025 03:17

Nope I would not be giving to a friend, a good friend wouldn't even ask...keep it for a rainy day or should you need it another time for bills and good on you for paying parents back exactly what I did a few years ago when had to borrow 3 months rent upfront , then paid back soon as I got a job. Some in my extended family think borrowing means to keep it and causes so much agro

Nearly50omg · 30/12/2025 04:08

Larose123 · 29/12/2025 19:12

Honestly, if you want to stay friends with her, I would tell her you have spent most of the money. Say you used to pay back all your multiple (fictional) debts. Offer to pay for a food shop for her. That way you are still offering support but making your boundaries clear

Point out you were in a far worse position and she didn’t even want to talk to you about it let alone help! She isn’t a friend she’s a leach! Any money you gave her you know she wouldn’t pay any debts off just use it to spend on herself!

Catladywithoutacat · 30/12/2025 04:57

I’ve heard the suicidal and pay back chats, they NEVER pay you back and you ALWAYS become the bad guy, suddenly you did this to them so they aren’t paying you.

I long ago asked for advice on here regarding lending money to a relative, I didn’t listen. 10years later I still don’t have the money back and this was also 5k.

do not do it.

Catladywithoutacat · 30/12/2025 05:02

Sorry just read you’re taking everyone advice, I would distance myself from her as well, that is a disrespect to ask someone that I don’t think she is a friend and will probably steal from you over envy

PandorasBox7 · 30/12/2025 05:53

I would tell her no. I myself was asked for money and said I sorry I don’t have that kind of money. The person accused me of lying and said I was wealthy which I am not. I am afraid we don’t speak now and are no longer friends.

nomoremsniceperson · 30/12/2025 06:11

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 19:10

Thank you all. I won’t be lending her anything. Had the whole spiel of “if I was in the same situation and you needed it, I’d do it without hesitation” which is a very easy thing for her to say considering she’s not.

She's so manipulative! The normal response when someone refuses to lend you money is to graciously accept their answer, not try to guilt trip them. She ignored your problems when you were suffering. She wouldn't do the same for you, she couldn't even be bothered to listen to you when you were down, it's laughable for her to say she'd have given you 5k. Don't give in OP. People like this are dangerous. And well done for turning her down.
But you really need to improve your self-esteem and get better friends. You are worth more than this.

Elsvieta · 30/12/2025 07:21

Just say you can't - if she says "but you just got 18k!" say you had debts before that or something, or you've invested it. It's all gone.

ParmaVioletTea · 30/12/2025 08:06

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 19:10

Thank you all. I won’t be lending her anything. Had the whole spiel of “if I was in the same situation and you needed it, I’d do it without hesitation” which is a very easy thing for her to say considering she’s not.

Well, you could point out that you WERE in that situation quite recently and she offered nothing.

NotMyKidsThough · 30/12/2025 10:58

I was quite surprised to hear it, myself! One of those times when you go away, get home and think 'Did I actually hear that?'

MO0N · 30/12/2025 12:34

Elsvieta · 30/12/2025 07:21

Just say you can't - if she says "but you just got 18k!" say you had debts before that or something, or you've invested it. It's all gone.

I would have said, I know lucky me, I'm going to put it in a stocks and shares ISA I'll soon be a millionaire and I still won't be giving you any of my money.

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/12/2025 13:18

I'm very glad you're going to refuse her request to spaff your money up the wall but I would most definitely labour the help with debt planning. There are a number of charities that can help with this and if she's netting £2k a month with minimal bills she can afford to put at least £1k a month towards debt. If she's racked up say 60k of debt, then in 5 years she'll be clear AND, lucky her, still have a roof over her head: a better outcome than for most in her situation. She just needs help to get an agreed payment plan with her creditors.

However, I very much doubt she will appreciate your help because right now, her fear is not the bailiffs, but that she'll not be able to pay for nails, hair salons, holidays and that is the source of her desperation which tells you exactly where your £5k would go were you ever to be inveigled into giving it to her. I'd also say that £13k which is what's left after repaying your parents is not all that much these days. You need every penny of that just in case life sideswipes you again. Your misfortunes were outside of your control whereas hers were entirely of her own making and until she gets a grip on her spending, it's not going to get any better for her or her bank account or anyone who is foolish enough to give her their money.

Fionuala · 30/12/2025 14:05

tell her a brief version of what you have said here and say it clearly.
you may need to reconsider whether she is worth keeping as a friend?
you can make new ones???

Squirrel60 · 30/12/2025 14:07

The so-called ''friend'' is a selfish, egotistical bore. Tell her to get stuffed, she'll not get even 1p out of you.

Her debts are entirely her own fault, but even if they weren't, she's got no right wanting a whopping £5,000 from you, which you'll never see again, especially what you've been through.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 14:08

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 15:44

I’ve recently been through hell. I was bullied really badly by my manager, regarding my disability and it was well documented. I ended up having to leave my job and my mental health really suffered. I had no job to go to so ended up borrowing £5000 from my own mum and dad to cover my bills while I searched for a new job. Me and my employer recently settled outside of tribunal and I got £18,000. Again, it’s a nice amount but given I nearly lost my life through suicide and the stress it’s put me under it doesn’t feel like a win at all. I’m only just now rebuilding my confidence again.

I’ve paid back my parents, and luckily start a new job next month but will have to cover my bills until then. My best friend has however asked me for £5000 to help with her debts as they’re getting her down and she says she’s struggling to cope and feels suicidal . These are self inflicted debts by the way, think new nails, new car, holidays. She also lives with her dad and only pays for their food shopping and no bills, and earns around 2K a month so I don’t know how she’s racked up so much and even then, can’t pay it.

I'm also feeling bitter because when I was struggling for money and really on my bones, my friend didn’t even offer me a food shop or anything else. Hated listening about what was happening at work and brushed it off. Never offered any advice and always turned the conversation to herself.

I know I need to say no, that I don’t want to bail her out- but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m being unreasonable even though I’m not and I know I’d never see that money again. She hasn’t always been a bad friend as such, she does drive long hours to come see me and has done lots of little house jobs for me before.

Just say no. That money needs to last me and that's it. It would be different if she were really financially struggling but she isn't - and if you are never going to see the money again, don't lend it