Page 11 | Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend

ChocoChocoLatte · 30/12/2025 18:08

Married >21yrs and still think he’s amazing. Actually, he’s improved with age lol

MammarOfOne · 30/12/2025 18:08

There is nothing disgusting in sleeping with someone who knows everything about you and cares about your feelings and pleasure.

I’d rather have sex with someone like that than a stranger who could have god knows what and doesn’t care about your feelings.

Blades2 · 30/12/2025 18:09

I kind of get what you’re saying.
I was in an extremely unhappy sexless marriage, and we actually co existed like flat mates more than anything.

im now with my new man about 3.5 years, and the sex is fantastic,and to the poster who said they can’t imagine shagging another man who wouldn’t know what makes her tick, that’s why you show him and tell him 😬😂

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 30/12/2025 18:12

Blades2 · 30/12/2025 18:09

I kind of get what you’re saying.
I was in an extremely unhappy sexless marriage, and we actually co existed like flat mates more than anything.

im now with my new man about 3.5 years, and the sex is fantastic,and to the poster who said they can’t imagine shagging another man who wouldn’t know what makes her tick, that’s why you show him and tell him 😬😂

There's something amazing about not having to tell or show someone though. Someone being able to give you what you need every time, and being willing to...perfection!

Xmasxrackers · 30/12/2025 18:13

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:47

My point is you don’t want to have sex with someone who you’re over-familiar with. Over familiarity kills lust, passion and desire after a while

Still, no.

Switcher · 30/12/2025 18:14

That's not the bit that bothers me. What bothers me is realising that such a nice man doesn't in fact understand me at all, and never has.

Carly990 · 30/12/2025 18:14

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

I think this is an odd view tbh, yes some marriages end up this way, I would not say all and god I hope not most. Personally our sexual relationship is getting better with time and age, I wouldn’t change it!

00deed1988 · 30/12/2025 18:18

Well I was friends with my husband 1st, maybe not best friends but still. Part of what made the base of our solid relationship. Still fancy him 14 years later and the last year has actually been the best sex wise. Both lost weight, more confidence and self esteem.

JBut · 30/12/2025 18:21

You really don't know what you're talking about. I've been married for 40+ years and wouldn't know what shagging my brother or best friend would be like! I wouldn't want to find out!! My husband is my soul mate and we love each other. You can't have been married for long. I don't normally reply, but u pissed me off, or was that your intention? Probably! Happy New Year

MustWeDoThis · 30/12/2025 18:21

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

You have some unhealthy thoughts. You need help.

Freud2 · 30/12/2025 18:22

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

I know exactly what you mean. Familiarity doesn't help passion and I'm envious of couples that can move past that!

JBut · 30/12/2025 18:23

Oneisnotamused stop posting crap

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 30/12/2025 18:24

Freud2 · 30/12/2025 18:22

I know exactly what you mean. Familiarity doesn't help passion and I'm envious of couples that can move past that!

Show quote history

You have to look at it differently to "familiarity kills passion" and more how lucky you are to be able to be so comfortable around someone, who is also comfortable around you without any judgement or or fear.

Tamarasilkscarves · 30/12/2025 18:24

If a marriage feels like being with a brother or sister, that sounds more like a relationship problem than an inevitable result of time. Many long-term couples keep intimacy alive in healthy ways.
the connection actually deepens rather than becoming “icky.”

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 30/12/2025 18:25

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:01

It’s interesting how the responses have divided into two clear camps - the cohort of people who are super quick to reassert their sexual promiscuity within their long term marriages (emphasis on the swiftness of assertion which is in itself interesting) and those who accept the realities of what I’m saying and can address the issue with depth.

Very interesting

Very interesting reply.

You seem to think most of those who say they still fancy their DHs are lying.

And those who agree with you are the right ones.....

There are two camps and neither is wrong if that's what the relationship is.

I've had a relationship where the lust went but decided against staying after trying everything I could. Sometimes you can get ot back, sometimes it's gone flr good.

Now in a relationship where we still have sex despite being an age where some would say is too old to be doing so.

Why be so bothered and take it personally that not everyone is in the same camp as you?

We can't all be the same.

MammarOfOne · 30/12/2025 18:27

In fact, I can honestly say that sex at 48 is better than sex at 20. No, we’re not throwing each other around the room, but because we’re used to each other and know exactly what buttons to push it’s satisfying and wonderful.
I don’t want to teach someone what I want and exactly the position to make me orgasm. I don’t want to be embarrassed if I do a fanny fart, I want to collapse in giggles and carry on.

i want to be able to suggest new things and know that it’s safe to do it.

I’d suggest that you look at divorce, or a sexual therapist. If you don’t wish to live in a sexless marriage, then don’t, but not telling your husband isn’t fair.

TheAngryPuxie · 30/12/2025 18:29

Maybe you've hit menopause. I still love my husband very much but just never feel like sex, Must be the menopause. Still happy together but that part of our life has really gone downhill. Hope my drive comes back at some point. I think people are being mean to OP. It does get a bit familiar with your regular partner after time, be honest.

Missj25 · 30/12/2025 18:29

DahlsChickenz · 29/12/2025 11:38

Excuse me what

Show quote history

Think she’s joking
well you’d hope so 😂

Momager12345 · 30/12/2025 18:30

Honestly, I think there are a few factors to think about....how old are the kids? How much impact do they have on privacy? Sleep? Adult only time? Then next....did you fancy each other before the kids? Have you changed? Are your priorities different?
Other issues...are you menopausal? Has he become less attractive as a person or just physically?

We worked through some shit when we were definitely in a parent ditch but our late 40s and older children have brought about some closeness and intimacy...we needed to think back to who we were before 3 kids and work out who we wanted to be now they need us less and less on a daily basis

AlternativeMurmur · 30/12/2025 18:34

Weekmindedfool · 29/12/2025 11:27

Having shagged my brother, my best friend and my DH I can categorically tell you they are all different.

Anyway, off to therapy.

This definitely needs the laughing emoji back 😂

Alonglongway7 · 30/12/2025 18:37

I'm in a very similar place with my DH. Together 9 years, 3 kids.

I love him and value our family unit but I've zero desire to sleep with him anymore. I have been honest about that. Unfortunately he doesn't feel the same and is still very interested in sex with me.

I have said I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to sleep with somebody else.

I know posters have jumped on the OP's comparison to siblings but in my case that's a pretty good analogy and one I've used myself when discussing with a friend.

Fuck knows what the answer is to be honest. I have reached acceptance that the relationship isn't going to go the distance but I'm happy to plod along for as long as it does.

AlternativeMurmur · 30/12/2025 18:39

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

TBH I make love to my partner and not "shag" them. Maybe that's part of your problem? Perhaps you need to spice up your love life or try something different that you gives you both added satisfaction and pleasure. Of course, if you consider it shagging and not love making because you are no longer in love with your partner then you have different problem altogether.

Lollylucyclark101 · 30/12/2025 18:44

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

We just have different mindsets lmao

you’re a wrong un!

MumWifeOther · 30/12/2025 18:45

Chafing · 29/12/2025 11:24

Because we know every inch of each other and coming together is gentle, harmonious and natural. I can't imagine shagging a new bloke and him not knowing what makes me tick and vice versa 🤮
Still happily shagging after 36 years....

This! The sex just gets better in my opinion as you’re totally comfortable with one another and confident to explore, as well as knowing what one another likes. I can honestly say my husband is the only person I want to have sex with

Mere1 · 30/12/2025 18:49

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

Weird.