To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

[CrandyCrush]

Okay… I’m fully expecting to get flamed here. I’ve always got weird vibes about DH’s dad. Due to proximity, we don’t see much of him, and he has always made quite minimal effort with DC. However, DC are now 12 and 9 and he has started doing this thing where he comes over and tickles their legs (knee area). I don’t know why, but it’s making me uncomfortable, although the kids seem okay. I just find it weird for some reason. I obviously haven’t said anything to anyone irl because I have nothing other than a weird feeling.

Is it me? AIBU?

Don't leave him alone with your children and if he starts the tickling again stand up and say quite loudly "we have a rule of no tickling in this house." If he is offended - well let him be.

I was felt up/fingered at a younger age by a family friend in similar circumstances- often while my parents were sitting nearby. He did always position his chair to be just behind my mother's eyeline though.

Tell him no, in no uncertain terms
Sounds like a pervert 100percent

This is so weird, what a strange family .

Tickling children should be banned, just like hitting.
It renders children out of control, unable to say no for laughing and trying to squirm away. It is not a game that should be tolerated.

Tell him you prefer the children not be wound up in this way. And that it’s normal to teach children to learn to say a strong NO! to tickling as soon as it begins, no matter how innocent, as it’s now regarded as inappropriate form of touch or of showing love and affection.

Tell him there are other forms of communication and play with children he could use such as board games etc. and to try that instead.

@CrandyCrush Don't wait until it happens again to take action, like some posters are suggesting.

I would speak to your girls first, ideally both you and DH. I would tell them you noticed your FIL tickling them, that it's not appropriate, and that you or DH are going to tell him not to do it again. This will give them the safe opportunity to then tell you if you wish that they didn't like it, as you'll have already told them you're putting in a boundary in place.

Then your DH ideally or if not you communicate this to the FIL. "Nice to see you but btw in future, don't tickle the girls please, we have a rule about adults, even us, not tickling children [or whatever you want to say]"

On another note, there's a bit of sensationalism going on by a few posters here.
You never said that the children's legs were bare but a couple of PP have somehow extrapolated that. You also never said in your first post that your "DC" were two girls either, but tbf you did then seem to strongly imply that was the case your next post.

Just say “nowadays it isn’t acceptable to do that”

If someone gives you the creeps, there’s a reason for it. Just feeling uncomfortable is enough.

Women are conditioned to laugh in the workplace at innuendo and sexual harassment or groping dressed as banter.

This conditioning starts at a young age by family or friends of the family

abusers will start with something seemingly harmless and ambiguous. But if it creeps you out I'd take note of that. Because they will push further over time.

He may be totally innocent, yes, but if he's not, better you are prepared. Don't leave the kids alone with him at all.

Also maybe seek some professional advice about it and your own feelings about it / reacting to it. It's difficult and it's ok to seek help. If he's innocent, there will be no harm done, if not you are supported and prepared.

I agree.

I've always found tickling quite stressful, hate it.

Telling him publicly in front of the girls makes them realise their mum has their back and where she stands on it. So that if it happened again they won’t feel they have to let it happen.

And even better if, as I suggested to the OP above, she tells the girls asap that it's not appropriate and the OP/her DH will tell the FIL not to do it again. And then tell him not to do it asap by phone and next time they're all together, if he does it again, publicly call him out on it sharpish.

Why wait until it happens again or until they're all in the same room?

That doesn't mean it isn't true. It's 100% a fact, the bodies response to stimulation has nothing to do with consent.

Their knees?!! That’s hardly sinister! And he’s not some random he’s their grandpa?

Yes it is sad that a grandpa can’t tickle his granddaughter’s legs without it being seen as sinister! My grandma used to tickle my legs. Perhaps she was a lesbian pedophile?

Every day is a school day, and I guess this is what you learn today.

Tickling causes involuntary reactions, of which laughter is one. Squirming is another. There are records of the Nazis using tickle torture, which is not a joke at all, but a very real and horrible thing. It’s all on the Wikipedia page about tickling so doesn’t require much of a search to determine if it’s true.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickling

And here’s a page from University of Bristol Centre for Gender and Violence about women orgasming or experiencing sexual pleasure during rape, which is just as terrifying, awful, and confusing as you’d imagine it would be, and can taint a woman’s sexual pleasure forever.
https://bristoluniversitypressdigital.com/view/journals/jgbv/6/3/article-p581.xml

.

OP: Many posters are jumping to the conclusion that your children are both girls, although you didn’t say.

Either way, I’d put a quiet stop to this. It certainly feels creepy. I’m an older bloke: there’s no way I’d be comfortable with this ‘game’, and if I saw it happening I’d probably stop it.

Just say something neutral like, ‘Please stop doing that - we don’t do tickling in this house, it’s annoying.’

That's how my dad started sexually grooming me at age 9

This made my blood run cold. Remember children are most likely to be abused by family members or close friends to the family. This was also how my abuse began as a young girl. I hate being tickled it makes me feel physically sick but it’s hard even as an adult to verbalize that sometimes, please keep your children safe. Better safe than finding out years later he did something worse to them. Never leave them out of sight with him.

I have 2 sons and would absolutely not be tolerating this either. It’s weird and creepy no matter gender of the children, keep them away from perv grandad

@anewyearthisyear and @NannyOf8Girls and @Llamallamafruitpyjama - I just want to acknowledge that what happened to all three of you was wrong and horrible, and I hope you know it wasn’t your fault at all and nothing you did or didn’t do caused it to happen. So many people who were abused as children carry a secret shame and guilt that isn’t theirs to carry; you are innocent creatures who were targeted by a predator. I’m so sorry it happened at all, and I hope each of you have good support systems and people who love you. ❤

I can’t believe anyone in the comments genuinely thinks this is harmless? Even in the days when it was much more common for relatives to kiss and tickle younger children, no decent men were “innocently tickling” the knees of twelve year old girls. They knew perfectly well that it was inappropriate to touch preteen girls. And no man these days genuinely thinks it’s okay to touch young girls’ legs either. It’s plain inappropriate and deliberately boundary-pushing; and I for one would not be visiting “grandad” again full stop tbh (I have a 12 y o daughter and my dad would not ever touch her legs. And if he ever did, he wouldn’t be seeing her again.)

If it’s the case that they must visit the horrid old perve, OP should say quite loudly
and breezily “they’re too old for tickling games now, Dave, so please respect their personal space”. If that doesn’t work, then time to dump grandpa. The DDs’ safety and comfort are much more important than the feelings of some cantankerous old git.

No the sex of the children doesn't matter in that the tickling is inappropriate regardless. But as this poster you're responding to said, and I said before them, other posters are assuming the OP's DC are girls when the OP hasn't explicitly said they are, only referring to them as 'DC'. The OP did however say that her DH doesn't have sisters so has no prior experience of what FIL with girls, which implies her DC are girls, but isn't conclusive that both DC are.

I also pointed out that the OP hasn't said the children's legs are bare, but PP are referring to the FIL touching the "girls' bare legs". One even referred to the FIL touching their thighs when the OP said it was a knee area. There is a bit of escalating sensationalism to this thread in a few posters' comments - by inventing new facts - that is making me a bit uncomfortable. And I say this as someone who has been clear that the OP needs to shut this tickling down.

It sounds fairly innocuous on the face of it, but I'd say trust your gut - you're the one who was there and seeing it happen, something about it has made you uncomfortable. I'd get DH to say something but be there to help back him up, and just say that even though 'you're sure it is innocent' it makes you uncomfortable so please don't do it any more.