Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
GoodQueenWenceslaus · 27/12/2025 23:33

Why didn't his son sort out transport before he went out if he knew he was going to struggle to get a taxi?

Can he get public transport to anywhere within walking distance of his mother's house?

FrangipaniBlue · 27/12/2025 23:33

Sorry I hit YABU as I was trying to scroll!!!

YADNBU !!

Bettycha · 27/12/2025 23:33

Even if I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol I wouldn’t be doing this round trip on a cold dark night to pick up his adult son who should have thought through his travel arrangements.
Your partner is behaving like a child, his reaction to you saying no would be the end for me, you’ve definitely done the right thing.

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 27/12/2025 23:35

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall , I know I’m just adding my voice to the chorus but this is another MNer who hopes you’re home safely soon. Please update us that you’re safe when you’re able. It sounds like your “D”P has been escalating - he can’t drive and you’ve already had to remind him not to take the frustration out on you, and now this situation tonight. Unless there is a huge, huge apology forthcoming and you feel confident nothing like this will ever happen again (I wouldn’t, after his behavior), I would recommend you LTB.

HelloDaisy · 27/12/2025 23:35

whynotwhatknot · 27/12/2025 23:28

i think it should be zero now like scotland then we wouldnt have all this ive only had one or two bollocks

Edited

Quite agree!

CautiousLurker2 · 27/12/2025 23:36

Some bizarre posts here - it doesn’t matter whether OP has had one sip or an entire bottle of rum - she does not feel safe to drive at 11pm at night after however little she has drunk. She may be on medication that impacts with alcohol, she may not have eaten much, she may be tired, menopausal or an anxious driver in areas she is less familiar in, especially at night. I am too. I hate driving late at night, I am menopausal, sleep badly and rather anxious after a collision a year or so ago. I don’t drive anywhere unless I feel I am safe to do so.

BooneyBeautiful · 27/12/2025 23:36

chargarl · 27/12/2025 22:46

I x-posted with you.
I think you need to get out of there.
What's the temperature like where you are?
Can you go and lock yourself in the car and stay there for a couple of hours until you are fit to drive? Sit in the back seat. (Do not put the key in the ignition because you can be charged with drink driving if you do that).

Show quote history

OP could still be prosecuted as being drunk in charge of vehicle if she was breathalysed and found to be over the limit.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 27/12/2025 23:38

Are you out safely yet @Didntwenearlyhaveitall?

GentleSheep · 27/12/2025 23:38

This is very worrying OP, the behaviour you're experiencing from 'D'P - I suggest he should be an ex-DP in the very near future. He's exhibiting a really unpleasant and dark side to his personality, his health issues shouldn't be an excuse to abuse you in this fashion. Hope you get out of there safely very soon!

notacooldad · 27/12/2025 23:39

Long before now I would have said ' tell him to get a fucking uber like every one else does!'
The OP has made it clear a few times about Ubers where she is.

Indeed , then the the response would be 'what would he do if I didnt exist and wasnt here? '
I have used this argument many times when people have tried to make me do things I didn't want to do.

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No, there’s not much point breathalysing myself when I’ve not had any alcohol is there? That seems a bit of a waste of time and money tbh. I do find it odd when people cannot emotionally detach themselves from topics and get so wound up by hearing something that’s just a fact. It’s not out to hurt you. It neither means that I drink drive, nor that I support it.

I really wouldn’t care if they announced tomorrow that it was going to zero tolerance. As I’ve stated a million times, but you seem too upset to comprehend, I was stating how the body processes alcohol (if you had a unit 3 hours ago it will be gone from your body and you’re not drink driving) given everyone was losing their minds that “OP YOU COULD LOSE YOUR LICENCE!!!” I just stated conditions that would mean she’d be unlikely to be over the limit based on her description and therefore unlikely to lose her licence (well, not for being over the blood alcohol limit anyway! She might still lose it for something else I guess!) I also went on to say it’s still her choice, and as others have mentioned, her DP sounds like a control freak. It’s a bloody long drive he’s asking of her even if she’s not touched a drop!

Pallisers · 27/12/2025 23:41

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 23:26

I was simply reading the other over reactions about “drink driving” (that wouldn’t actually be drink driving) and felt some perspective was needed.

I stated only facts, not opinion:

  • process approx 1 unit per hour, so time is relevant
  • food will reduce speed of absorption into blood

Also confirmed it’s totally up to the individual, but it’s ludicrous to think one sip of a drink will impair you, or that if you had one drink three hours ago that it would still be affecting you. Not sure why it upsets you so much to hear that? A friend was once sat drinking red wine in a camping trip, had been drinking a while, did a breath test out of interest and was still under the limit (no, he didn’t drive or plan to, it was just a test). So as far as OP losing her licence goes (which people seemed to focus on), probably unlikely. But still totally her choice, regardless of the drink factor tbh.

So yeah, none of that is opinion I’m afraid (expect thinking some comments are ridic). Just information that you don’t like.

Show quote history

Jesus you are very committed to your path aren't you.

On a thread where a woman is waiting for her son to take her home so her (ex) boyfriend won't pressure her into driving when she has had a couple of drinks - THIS is what you want us all to know. wow

ClareBlue · 27/12/2025 23:41

Why is the adult son getting his daddy to ring around his friends to try and cadge a lift for his son. And why is the Daddy facilitating this, especially as the son is going to stay at the estranged mother's house. And why does a 25 year old not think about how they are going to get to their sleeping venue after a night out before they go out. We live very rural and when any of our children went out they had a very precise plan in getting home or where they were going to stay. Often involved pick ups but it was all pre arranged.

KittyWilkinson · 27/12/2025 23:42

What a great son OP has. Good for him for looking after his Mum like this.
.

Namechangerage · 27/12/2025 23:42

bittertwisted · 27/12/2025 23:04

Are you in wales? Uber is not allowed in the north
also STOP TRYING TO RESOLVE THIS, it isn’t your problem
coming from someone who would be doing exactly what you are 😂

Show quote history

Huh? I think she was looking for Uber to get HERSELF home before she rang her son… way to jump to conclusions though!

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 27/12/2025 23:43

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:15

I am out of the bathroom. I am very angry with him. I have told him the answer is no and I’m not going to change my mind. He’s still going on.
I’ve hidden his car keys in case he’s stupid enough to try driving his car, although he has a problem with his sight and I don’t think he would try in the dark.
I’ve got my keys in my pocket.
He’s on the phone now trying to get a friend to pick his son up.
The son apparently wants to be taken to his Mother’s house, where he spends most of his time, so 40 minutes to town, at least another 30 minutes to his Mother’s, which is about 45 minutes from here.

Can't the son's mother collect him?

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:44

Thank you everyone for your support.
I am now in my car and my son is driving me home. He has parked his own car down the road, as ex P won’t know it’s his.
I am so grateful to my son for being there. I told ‘ex’ that he crossed a line tonight and he was on his own.
He called me a selfish cunt and I told him to Fuck off!
We all like a happy ending, although I am sad for what I thought might have been.

OP posts:
Mamadothehump · 27/12/2025 23:44

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 27/12/2025 23:43

Can't the son's mother collect him?

Show quote history

OP said upthread that she’s out.

Hope you’re now out of there safely OP

ClareBlue · 27/12/2025 23:44

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 27/12/2025 23:43

Can't the son's mother collect him?

Show quote history

She's out on the piss

Arlanymor · 27/12/2025 23:45

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:44

Thank you everyone for your support.
I am now in my car and my son is driving me home. He has parked his own car down the road, as ex P won’t know it’s his.
I am so grateful to my son for being there. I told ‘ex’ that he crossed a line tonight and he was on his own.
He called me a selfish cunt and I told him to Fuck off!
We all like a happy ending, although I am sad for what I thought might have been.

You're brilliant and strong and you raised a brilliant lad.

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 23:45

Pallisers · 27/12/2025 23:41

Jesus you are very committed to your path aren't you.

On a thread where a woman is waiting for her son to take her home so her (ex) boyfriend won't pressure her into driving when she has had a couple of drinks - THIS is what you want us all to know. wow

Show quote history

It’s an open forum for anyone to post something relevant to the thread. Why should I allow people to take their misplaced upset out on me? If you’re not interested, stop replying to me? Stop trying to put words in my mouth and argue against something you can go and prove is accurate and correct all by yourself?

There’s plenty of people giving me sneaky likes on my post that you guys can’t see. They just don’t want the over emotional MNetters having a go at them for, y’know, stating a fact.

KittyWilkinson · 27/12/2025 23:46

Great to hear you've been rescued!
Well done that son!

echt · 27/12/2025 23:47

So the first word he reaches for to describe you is "cunt". It says everything about him, even if none of the driving palaver had happened.

You're well rid of the gobshite - who now has non -one to drive him.

Greenpeanutsnail · 27/12/2025 23:47

I’m glad you’re in the car and away from that man. I really feel for you- it’s been a really awful evening for you. You’ve done the right thing. He’s really shown who he is. I wonder what else he might have hassled you about, given half a chance .

Seacatt · 27/12/2025 23:47

I am so glad you are safely away, good idea about leaving your son's car down the road.

Well done your son!