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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
hoodiemassive · 27/12/2025 23:48

Thank goodness your ds was able to collect you op - well done on being so brave and resourceful. I was scared for you back there but you kept your head brilliantly.

RubyMentor · 27/12/2025 23:48

I’m so glad that you’re out of there, you’ve obviously raised a very lovely son, unlike your ex who has raised a 25 yo man child

neilyoungismyhero · 27/12/2025 23:48

If his son gets a taxi home you could then hop in it and go home. It's what I would do.

Meteorite87 · 27/12/2025 23:49

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:51

He’s just knocked on the door to ask if I’m ok.
I said yes and he says his son can’t get a taxi as they only want fares within the town.
I’ve no idea if that’s accurate. I’ve just suggested a Travelodge!

So he only knocked and asked if you were ok, because he still wanted you to agree to risking drink driving.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/12/2025 23:49

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall

Hope you're out and on your way home.

Once this is over and you've caught your breath, please remember "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time".

This is not a man (IMHO) you want to get 'entangled' with. First, because of his assumption that you would drive his son around (drink or no drink), then for his refusal to accept your 'no' with grace. Red flags are flying!!

Edit: Cross posted with you. Glad you're on your way home.

ClareBlue · 27/12/2025 23:49

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:44

Thank you everyone for your support.
I am now in my car and my son is driving me home. He has parked his own car down the road, as ex P won’t know it’s his.
I am so grateful to my son for being there. I told ‘ex’ that he crossed a line tonight and he was on his own.
He called me a selfish cunt and I told him to Fuck off!
We all like a happy ending, although I am sad for what I thought might have been.

The tale of two sons.
Fortunately OP you have the good one.
The difference is probably a reflection on upbringing and examples set in informative tears: entitlement against compassion. So you can be proud of yourself and your son.

Driftingawaynow · 27/12/2025 23:49

Omg can’t believe called you a cunt. What a cunt!

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:51

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 27/12/2025 23:43

Can't the son's mother collect him?

Show quote history

She’s out somewhere, and I don’t care 🤣

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 27/12/2025 23:52

Well done to your lovely son. And good on you for getting out.

TurkeyQueen · 27/12/2025 23:52

Glad you’re okay.

Thehobbit2013 · 27/12/2025 23:53

Glad you’re out and safely on your way home. He sounds quite manipulative but at least he showed his true colours relatively early on

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/12/2025 23:54

😵‍💫
What an absolute arse!

Well at least you can start the New year fresh.

In happoer news...Your son sounds like a prince among men! Well done him and glad you are out of it.

Possumzilla91 · 27/12/2025 23:54

So very glad you're out. Well done on tackling a horrible situation with a gross man.

ClareBlue · 27/12/2025 23:56

Driftingawaynow · 27/12/2025 23:49

Omg can’t believe called you a cunt. What a cunt!

😂😂

GentleSheep · 27/12/2025 23:57

Ooof what an end to the evening! Glad you're safely out of there and bravo to your son who was very smart leaving his car down the road whilst driving yours home! Tomorrow - new day and don't look back!

NamechangebumpforMandy · 27/12/2025 23:57

Have been lurking with fingers crossed that you would soon be safely on your way home. Your son’s been brilliant and clever to leave his car not yours.

What a prince among men your now ex has shown himself to be. I do hope he enjoys the subsequent weeks and months not being ferried around by you from his rural abode.

I am sure this doesn’t need saying but do ignore the forthcoming grovelling apology tomorrow when he’s realised he’ll need to walk everywhere.

FloofyKat · 27/12/2025 23:58

Glad you are safe and on your way home. Sounds like you are well rid of that tosser!

Meteorite87 · 27/12/2025 23:59

So he was still carrying on when you left the bathroom.

Very glad to hear you are safe now, with support from the wonderful son you raised.

Ending things this evening with that man was the best decision to make.

I am sorry you are upset @Didntwenearlyhaveitall That ex is not worth your tears.

UninitendedShark · 28/12/2025 00:00

So pleased you’ve extracted yourself from that awful situation.

Ghana14 · 28/12/2025 00:01

You have had a lucky escape OP. The entitlement of some individuals is unbelievable. To badger you to drive when you had 2 large measures of alcohol is breathtaking. And then to verbally abuse you ? I know you are sad at what might have been. But tonight has shown you that was a fantasy sadly.

Seriestwo · 28/12/2025 00:01

What an extraordinarily entitled man. you dumped him, right?

well done on raising a good one.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:01

NamechangebumpforMandy · 27/12/2025 23:57

Have been lurking with fingers crossed that you would soon be safely on your way home. Your son’s been brilliant and clever to leave his car not yours.

What a prince among men your now ex has shown himself to be. I do hope he enjoys the subsequent weeks and months not being ferried around by you from his rural abode.

I am sure this doesn’t need saying but do ignore the forthcoming grovelling apology tomorrow when he’s realised he’ll need to walk everywhere.

Thank you.
I have blocked his number and on every messaging service I can think of. My phone is also on ‘do not disturb’
We had plans for New Year’s Eve. At least now I won’t have to go and collect him and drive him there.

OP posts:
giallo · 28/12/2025 00:02

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 23:26

I was simply reading the other over reactions about “drink driving” (that wouldn’t actually be drink driving) and felt some perspective was needed.

I stated only facts, not opinion:

  • process approx 1 unit per hour, so time is relevant
  • food will reduce speed of absorption into blood

Also confirmed it’s totally up to the individual, but it’s ludicrous to think one sip of a drink will impair you, or that if you had one drink three hours ago that it would still be affecting you. Not sure why it upsets you so much to hear that? A friend was once sat drinking red wine in a camping trip, had been drinking a while, did a breath test out of interest and was still under the limit (no, he didn’t drive or plan to, it was just a test). So as far as OP losing her licence goes (which people seemed to focus on), probably unlikely. But still totally her choice, regardless of the drink factor tbh.

So yeah, none of that is opinion I’m afraid (expect thinking some comments are ridic). Just information that you don’t like.

Show quote history

Give it a rest. This derailment is tone deaf on this thread.

Jumpingthruhoops · 28/12/2025 00:03

Doesn't matter a jot how much or how little you've had to drink: you've said no and that should be the end of it. He has no business trying to coerce you into something you don't want to do.

ClareBlue · 28/12/2025 00:04

Good luck OP. Despite you seeing his true colours tonight it still hurts knowing someone you were intimate with and who you spent time with, is not the person you thought they were. Most of us have been there at some stage in our lives.