Page 18 | To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 2025-12-27T21:33:48+00:00

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together. I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family, Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his. Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great. We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks. Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it. I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving. He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc. I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit. Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable. I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

SpinningaCompass · 28/12/2025 13:30

BandedSnail · 28/12/2025 13:22

RTFT!

She already has!

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Just finished reading the last few updates. Delighted and relieved OP has dumped him. It was just so worrying seeing herself already twisted up worrying about how hard it all was on 'him' as she was locked in a bathroom being berated by HIM for not driving while under the influence for HIM to sort out his adult son for HIM!

Outside9 · 28/12/2025 13:31

I suspect you were probably fine.

But I would never pressure someone to drive if they uncomfortable for whatever reason.

Gloriousroute · 28/12/2025 13:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WaryHiker · 28/12/2025 13:37

5foot5 · 28/12/2025 10:41

Not sure but it's neither here nor there in this case as no 15 year olds involved. The adult son wanting a lift is 25.

I was brought up in a rural area with virtually no public transport and it was a given that if you were going in to town for a night out you worked out beforehand how you were getting home. And learned to drive as soon as possible.

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I said very clearly that it wasn't relevant to this thread. I was just asking another poster because I was interested.

BePoisedPlumUser · 28/12/2025 14:03

WaryHiker · 28/12/2025 01:03

Not really relevant to this thread, but do Ubers take unaccompanied 15-year-olds in the UK? Here in Australia, they have to be 18.

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Yes. We have a teen account for the 13 year old.

Xkk · 28/12/2025 14:06

pusspuss9 · 28/12/2025 11:39

Don't do that, is not your problem to sort
This issue aside, and as a general response to above comment, there are people (thank God) who will help people in trouble regardless whether it's their problem to sort or not. This is what makes our world a place worth living in,

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People in trouble? I agree, I would help people in trouble. No one there was in trouble, just lack of planning and lack of responsability. Did your car break down and you need help? I'll come, I'll find a way, no questions asked. Did you make a descision but did not plan your journey from point a to point b and expect others to sort you out? You're on your own!

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 14:13

BePoisedPlumUser · 28/12/2025 14:03

Yes. We have a teen account for the 13 year old.

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We have the same and nothing to do with the OP but I would always recommend that parents of teens set up this family option on Uber.

It means that DD can always get home safely and I can see where she is on her journey and that she is ok.

Silvers11 · 28/12/2025 14:16

Well done @Didntwenearlyhaveitall If you had been living in Scotland, the drink driving laws are even tighter than in England an Wales. Plus - one unit of a glass of white wine is 125mls - not the size of a glass of wine in most cases - they tend to be at least 175mls or more.

Also, our bodies also produce tiny amounts of alcohol naturally from the foods we eat. It is very, very small amounts and won't normally affect us at all, but it was explained to me at a demonstration by the Police at the Royal Highland show, who had taken a stand there one year, that this was the reason why the blood alcohol level wasn't set at ZERO - as everyone tested would show positive!

Plus, you need to discount the first hour of drinking anything alcoholic as it takes an hour or so to get into your blood stream. So it would take at least 2 hours for 125 ml of white wine to completely clear your system, once you finished it.

I'm so sorry that your BF turned out to be a plonker, but I'm glad you ditched him and better to find out now, rather than further down the track!

Mumofteenandtween · 28/12/2025 14:43

Silvers11 · 28/12/2025 14:16

Well done @Didntwenearlyhaveitall If you had been living in Scotland, the drink driving laws are even tighter than in England an Wales. Plus - one unit of a glass of white wine is 125mls - not the size of a glass of wine in most cases - they tend to be at least 175mls or more.

Also, our bodies also produce tiny amounts of alcohol naturally from the foods we eat. It is very, very small amounts and won't normally affect us at all, but it was explained to me at a demonstration by the Police at the Royal Highland show, who had taken a stand there one year, that this was the reason why the blood alcohol level wasn't set at ZERO - as everyone tested would show positive!

Plus, you need to discount the first hour of drinking anything alcoholic as it takes an hour or so to get into your blood stream. So it would take at least 2 hours for 125 ml of white wine to completely clear your system, once you finished it.

I'm so sorry that your BF turned out to be a plonker, but I'm glad you ditched him and better to find out now, rather than further down the track!

That is fascinating about food. My husband was breathalysed a few months ago after we were in a car crash. I would have been very confused if it had come up with anything as he hadn’t had a drink for over a week!

nomas · 28/12/2025 14:50

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:11

I assume that was aimed at me and you’re attempting to have a dig at me and not dare actually tag me so I can’t see it? 😂

It’s clear you’ve not read or comprehended a single thing I said. Maybe go and read my actual posts, then show me where I’ve said that I knew how much she’d had, or what her blood alcohol would be? Where I said she should drive or where I said she wouldn’t be over the limit? Go on, highlight the parts where I’ve done any of that? 🙄

Or indeed anywhere that I said I support drink driving? At the end of the day, your body processes alcohol, once it has, it’s not affecting you anymore. By your standards it seems like as soon as you’ve had a drink you think you can never drive again? How do you decide when a good time limit is?

Now stop making things up or putting words in my mouth just because the facts don’t align to your own feelings. I also said I wouldn’t care if it went to zero tolerance. It would not bother or affect me. I am literally explaining how things work, not commenting on what I think about it.

Yes, someone could kill someone after one glass of wine. But that’s highly likely to be because they’re a shit, incompetent driver to start with than because they had a glass of wine over an hour ago, as that wouldn’t leave enough remaining alcohol in their system to affect them anymore.

I get you’re all emotional about it, I’m sorry you’ve lost a friend, but if they were convicted of being a drunk driver then they had had more than one glass of wine. Rightly or wrongly, that’s the law.

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Actually it’s an MN glitch. I often hit quote on someone’s post only to find that it hasn’t quoted them.

OP had two large drinks, you telling her she can drive was extremely irresponsible.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 14:55

If you’ve had to shut yourself in the bathroom to get away from his insistence, it’s time to rethink the relationship. He’s not the one facing a drink driving charge if you are over the limit. It’s Christmas. If you get behind the wheel with alcohol inside you, you might as well paint a target on your back. He’s a knob.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/12/2025 14:59

I have just read this thread from beginning to end. I’ve been cheering you on @Didntwenearlyhaveitall and then your brilliant son.

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 15:04

nomas · 28/12/2025 14:50

Actually it’s an MN glitch. I often hit quote on someone’s post only to find that it hasn’t quoted them.

OP had two large drinks, you telling her she can drive was extremely irresponsible.

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But they managed to say “winter” in bold?? yeah, ok 😂

Where did she say they were large? Certainly not in her OP, and I can’t say I recall her saying that in later posts (most of which were after my initial comment so not relevant either). She even said herself she may well be under the limit. But her choice was not to drive - totally and completely fine and is absolutely her choice to make. As I also confirmed in my initial comment, which you haven’t read.

I also never, at any single point told or advised her to drive.

stop making up lies to try to continue your utter nonsense argument

nomas · 28/12/2025 15:07

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 15:04

But they managed to say “winter” in bold?? yeah, ok 😂

Where did she say they were large? Certainly not in her OP, and I can’t say I recall her saying that in later posts (most of which were after my initial comment so not relevant either). She even said herself she may well be under the limit. But her choice was not to drive - totally and completely fine and is absolutely her choice to make. As I also confirmed in my initial comment, which you haven’t read.

I also never, at any single point told or advised her to drive.

stop making up lies to try to continue your utter nonsense argument

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Here it is.

You didn’t bother to ask her how much she drank, what measures etc, you just told her she was ok to drive. That is not just utter nonsense but very irresponsible of you. Strangers on the internet are people too, you know.

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

purplecorkheart · 28/12/2025 15:08

Hi OP, sorry you had to go through this. I suppose the only plus side is that you have not wasted years with this man (an he man-child son). At least you got to see the real him relatively early at stage. Onwards and Upawards

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 15:10

nomas · 28/12/2025 15:07

Here it is.

You didn’t bother to ask her how much she drank, what measures etc, you just told her she was ok to drive. That is not just utter nonsense but very irresponsible of you. Strangers on the internet are people too, you know.

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God, you’re not bothering to read a single thing are you?? I said in her OP.

She said “a couple of drinks”.

And oh look, that comment you’ve screen shot was WAY after my initial comment.

You’ve still not shown me where I told her to drive? You know why? Because you made it up.

I added some general context because some of the replies were so completely and utterly over the top. I at no point suggested anything about OP’s own situation, just general information. But you carry on ranting and raving.

Get back in your box.

nomas · 28/12/2025 15:13

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 15:10

God, you’re not bothering to read a single thing are you?? I said in her OP.

She said “a couple of drinks”.

And oh look, that comment you’ve screen shot was WAY after my initial comment.

You’ve still not shown me where I told her to drive? You know why? Because you made it up.

I added some general context because some of the replies were so completely and utterly over the top. I at no point suggested anything about OP’s own situation, just general information. But you carry on ranting and raving.

Get back in your box.

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You also said you can’t see where she said it in her later posts. You should be clear on how much someone has drink before telling them they are fine to drive. You literally told her below:

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine (etc etc)

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 15:22

nomas · 28/12/2025 15:13

You also said you can’t see where she said it in her later posts. You should be clear on how much someone has drink before telling them they are fine to drive. You literally told her below:

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine (etc etc)

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No, I hadn’t read every one of her later posts, and I definitely hadn’t psychically read them before she posted them 😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️ my later posts were just replies to the over emotional brigade, nothing about OP at all.

I don’t need to be any clearer, I wasn’t giving her advice? It’s true, after two drinks you likely would be under the limit. Doesn’t mean you then have to leap in a car does it? As I clarified, a lot of people were saying she’d lose her licence, but that would only happen if she blew over the limit wouldn’t it? I didn’t then go on to state an opinion on whether getting yourself right up to the limit and then driving is sensible. Not once. This is what I mean about people not being able to separate fact and emotion (or fact from advice it also seems!)

You’ve still not shown me where I said OP should drive? Is that because you’ve now gone back and checked and what I actually said was it’s possible she wasn’t over the limit but still totally her call on what to do? Right.

PercyPigInAWig · 28/12/2025 15:24

Glad you got home, got rid of arsehole and that your children are seeing right there that if you feel unsafe you ask trusted people for help, and you don't put up with that kind of behaviour from anyone.

I didn't drink on Christmas Day until almost midnight as was driving during the day. Taxis or Ubers would not have been available, even yesterday the waits for taxis were very long, no Ubers and I don't live rurally.

nosleepforme · 28/12/2025 15:31

Dear op’s ds and dd
well done for looking after mum and taking her out of a potentially dangerous situation. You should be proud of yourselves and you’re a great asset to your mum and family, as well as a good example. You did exactly the right thing! You were raised right and our world needs more responsible adult children just like you.

dear op’s dp son
…eh why bother actually?! What a waste

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 28/12/2025 15:32

Outside9 · 28/12/2025 13:31

I suspect you were probably fine.

But I would never pressure someone to drive if they uncomfortable for whatever reason.

This, wholeheartedly. His attitude is the major red flag here, and I'm glad to see that you've kicked him to the kerb.

GreyBeeplus3 · 28/12/2025 15:33

My uncle used to say 'you're as careful as you can be, but what about other drivers on the road same time as you?'

pictoosh · 28/12/2025 15:50

I'm just loving your take-no-shit attitude towards this bully of a man.
Goodbye.

RamsaySnowsSausage · 28/12/2025 16:06

Bravo @Didntwenearlyhaveitall and ingenious move on switching the cars.

Beside from the drink driving issue, I'm just imagining the reaction I would have had if I'd called my parents for an unplanned lift at night age 25 (or any other age to be honest). It would very much have been a teachable moment on dealing with the consequences of your own actions 😂

Original poster

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 16:18

RamsaySnowsSausage · 28/12/2025 16:06

Bravo @Didntwenearlyhaveitall and ingenious move on switching the cars.

Beside from the drink driving issue, I'm just imagining the reaction I would have had if I'd called my parents for an unplanned lift at night age 25 (or any other age to be honest). It would very much have been a teachable moment on dealing with the consequences of your own actions 😂

My DC are a bit younger, but they don’t expect lifts.
Fortunately I’ve had no further contact from ex, so I don’t know the outcome.
Although he didn’t tell me exactly why his son needed a lift it sounded like he should have got the last bus home, but didn’t. Even that doesn’t really make sense as last buses locally are around 6.00pm, and it was hours later when he phoned.

OP posts: