To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

[Didntwenearlyhaveitall]

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

The answer is bye as you walk out of the door with all your stuff and Uber home.

His son should have arranged where he was staying and how he was getting there before drinking. Not your problem and disgusting that DP behaved that way.

He can pay for a taxi for HIS son.

Why be worried? It just means people (not all) now actively think about how much they are drinking at night if they are driving the next day - that's a very good thing!

im in Scotland and am glad the limit is lower here. It does essentially mean if you have a drink you are over the limit. So does away to some extent the "I can have one and be ok" as you know there is a chance you won't be, and most sensible people now opt for either zero drink and take the car or have a drink and organise a different way home.

Can you put a link to this.

When you say health l, do you mean he's been advised not to drive as its not safe or do you mean he physically can't do it, like a bad back or something?

No you shouldn't be driving and he is a knob

I dont understand why son could not have gone to a hotel if he was stuck in town. If he didnt have the money father could have rung reception with his card details. All the hotel requires is a viable card they can change - it does not have to be that of the person who occupies the room.

If OP doesn’t feel comfortable or safe driving after she’s consumed alcohol then it’s her choice not to drive entirely . She’s also not a taxi service to entitled partner or his son

I think part of the reason this unpleasant man was angry is that he has 'lost face' in the eyes of his son.
In other words he likes to think of himself as an alpha male who can easily dominate and subjugate his female partner such that she automatically obeys his every command. When she didn't he felt humiliated and that's why he got angry.

My kids hadn’t met him, although they did know about him.
We didn’t see each other that often, normally twice a week, until recently when he started to need lifts. I think it was a bit of an exaggeration to call him a partner really, but using the term boyfriend at my age seems a bit off.
Now I’ve told them about last night they don’t think much of him.

His 25 year old son needs to learn how to drive so he can visit his parents.

Yes. That is correct.
By the time you put this comment the situation was resolved and I was safely at home - which makes it pretty pointless.
If you think that my post is not genuine there is a process for reporting it.

He has been told not to drive due to a visual problem. It is hopefully something that will be treatable, but it’s still being investigated. I understand his frustration. It can’t be easy for him. I know I felt very vulnerable not being able to drive last night.

It has been deleted.

It’s your driving licence that the police will take away if they catch you over the limit, so entirely your choice whether you think you should be driving or not.

I've read all OP's comments but not the whole thread, so please forgive me if this has been raised already but I'm thinking that the son has a cavalier attitude to getting home precisely because he's a bloke. How many women go out at night with no plan about how to get home? Not many.

Anyway, let's hope this has taught borh the father & son a few valuable lessons.

I was following this thread last night and clock watching when you said your son was 15 to 20 minutes away! I'm really glad you got away safe and your son and daughter have been to collect your son's car. Your son and daughter sound lovely unlike your entitled ex and his equally entitled son. You're well rid there. Sounds to me like your ex told his son, "don't worry about getting home son, I'll get OP to pick you up, just ring when you're ready." That's why he was so agitated when you said "no." He's a complete knob if he thinks that you would be safe to drive after 2 home poured measures of alcohol. I would have refused to drive as well. Well done for sticking to your guns and getting away from Mr Nasty.

Oh my.

It would be dire for HIM if you lost your licence?

You're already elevating him and his needs in your mind above you and yours.

Give your head a wobble and dump this arsehole.

Thanks! I was very pleased with my son turned 18 here because it was much cheaper for him to get ubers than taxis.

RTFT!

She already has!

He’s dumped!

I am the same.

Well done OP I'm glad you got home safely. Your son is clearly a decent young man.

Glad that 1)you're safe, 2)your car is safe, 3)your kids are great, and 4)he's dumped.