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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
5gymbabe · 28/12/2025 10:41

Mylovelygreendress · 27/12/2025 21:41

If you are in Scotland even 1 small glass of wine could tip you over the limit .
Don’t risk it .

Zero tolerance in Scotland

Iamnotalemming · 28/12/2025 10:48

Glad you got home safely. Time for a fresh start in the new year!

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2025 10:54

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:06

He isn’t giving up. He unsurprisingly can’t find anyone to make that trip.
He’s also just asked me who I am messaging.
I said I was checking hotels for his son!
My son is 15 -20 minutes away, so I won’t have to put up with this for much longer.

Does his son not have any friends himself?

NarwhalBuddy · 28/12/2025 10:57

I don’t really think “D”P’s sons way home was OPs problem to fix….

Zoec1975 · 28/12/2025 10:58

Why no taxi for the sake of a few quid,why would he want to risk you getting in to trouble or having a accident.

Jas683 · 28/12/2025 10:59

Absolutely 💯 you are correct not to drive. Try being in a court explaining how you didn't mean to hurt someone.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 28/12/2025 11:06

I do love a happy ending.

Swiftie1878 · 28/12/2025 11:07

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 10:24

Good morning
Apologies for delay in updating you.
I found it hard to sleep and then woke up late.
My DS and DD have just got back with DS’s car, which was all fine.
I hid ex P’s car keys yesterday as I was concerned that he would be unreasonable enough to try to drive. He would have been a danger to himself and others. I still think it was the right thing to do.
He realised yesterday that they had been moved. He might have just noticed, but equally could have been looking for them to use.
Whilst it was briefly amusing to see how long it would take him to find them, I agree that he is an adult and now he is ( presumably) sober, and hopefully calmer I have just briefly unblocked his number to tell him where I put them.
I didn’t want him to have any reason to contact me in future.

Didn’t want to read and run, but only saw this thread just now.
I am so impressed with the way you (and your DC) handled a very tricky situation last night!
Well done you - not all heroes wear capes.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/12/2025 11:13

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:31

Again, putting words in my mouth. Probably best not to quote and rant at people when you’ve not actually understood a single word they said!

Show quote history

Oh for heaven's sake give it a rest, @Winterburn We all had enough of you last night.

OP I hope he's a sadder if not wiser person this morning. End of a relationship AND nobody to drive him about!

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 11:15

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/12/2025 11:13

Oh for heaven's sake give it a rest, @Winterburn We all had enough of you last night.

OP I hope he's a sadder if not wiser person this morning. End of a relationship AND nobody to drive him about!

Show quote history

Don’t keep quoting me then? I made one comment with factual info. If people are going to get all het up, disagree with facts, completely misquote me and make up things I never said and have a go at me then I’m going to reply. So go on, keep going if you’re so desperate to? Plenty of people have been liking my comments ALL the way through, so speak for yourself.

What has your comment added other than keeping this going? Absolutely nothing. well done!

Sam9769 · 28/12/2025 11:15

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:44

Thank you everyone for your support.
I am now in my car and my son is driving me home. He has parked his own car down the road, as ex P won’t know it’s his.
I am so grateful to my son for being there. I told ‘ex’ that he crossed a line tonight and he was on his own.
He called me a selfish cunt and I told him to Fuck off!
We all like a happy ending, although I am sad for what I thought might have been.

Dump this guy!

LostittoBostik · 28/12/2025 11:22

I never drive if I’ve ever had a sip. I am 5ft tall and a complete lightweight. I can feel the effects on my body with less than a quarter of a glass of wine. I never even drink a drop and drive.

He should never have repeated the request once you made your initial clear refusal. What an arse. As you’re early in the relationship this would be relationship ending for me. Is this out of character? It’s such scumbag behaviour. Does he have an alcohol problem and he’s trying to hide it by insisting a couple of drinks is ‘nothing’?

Itsnotallalark · 28/12/2025 11:23

Handled beautifully OP.
Happy New Year Flowers

Talkingfrog · 28/12/2025 11:25

Good idea. No need for him to try and contact you by other means to get the keys. If now you aren't around to drive for him, he is foolish enough to drive himself, the consequence is on him.

Sleepasaurus · 28/12/2025 11:26

Well done on getting out of there @Didntwenearlyhaveitall . I’m glad that you are safe. Your son is great!

Talkingfrog · 28/12/2025 11:28

Zoec1975 · 28/12/2025 10:58

Why no taxi for the sake of a few quid,why would he want to risk you getting in to trouble or having a accident.

That was all explained yesterday. He couldn't get one -they only wanted to do shorter journeys, the son needed to go further out of town than they would take. No ubers in the area.

ProudCrab · 28/12/2025 11:29

What do your kids think of him?

LostittoBostik · 28/12/2025 11:30

Just caught up on the thread. Well done OP.

Londontown12 · 28/12/2025 11:30

I never drive even if it's a small glass I refuse to drive and I wouldn't touch any if I was driving or even a chance someone needed a lift !
It's not worth it I can't believe he's trying to get u to do this !! So bad pushing your boundaries I'm glad u have stuck to your guns but I would have a long think about this relationship I don't think it's a good one !!

ProudCrab · 28/12/2025 11:32

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TiggyTomCat · 28/12/2025 11:37

His adult son needs to be an adult and call a taxi and not his Dad.

Minjou · 28/12/2025 11:38

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:04

I am thinking how I can get home.
The short answer is that I currently do not have any means of getting home tonight.
I believe that his son can’t get a taxi to bring him out here. It follows that I stand even less chance of getting one to come here to collect me.

Show quote history

He could have convinced a taxi to take hin there with a promise of a second large fare....yours. But obviously that was last night

pusspuss9 · 28/12/2025 11:39

Xkk · 28/12/2025 10:39

Don't do that, is not your problem to sort. Don't pander to their tantrums.
OP, you are right to not drink and drive. If something happens there is an almighty shit storm you are getting into, from being arested to having to pay extortionate amounts for the insurance. Nobody likes a drink driver but you already know that that's why you said no. Stick to your guns and think if the relationship is what you wanted, he seems to have such a disregards for your safety and your driving privilege. If there is 0.01% chances you might be over the limit, is 0.01 % too much to risk it.

Show quote history

Don't do that, is not your problem to sort
This issue aside, and as a general response to above comment, there are people (thank God) who will help people in trouble regardless whether it's their problem to sort or not. This is what makes our world a place worth living in,

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 11:41

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Your poorly disguised attempt at troll hunting has been noted.

If you think its not real, report and move on.

Silverbirchleaf · 28/12/2025 11:51

Well done op.

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