Page 15 | To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 2025-12-27T21:33:48+00:00

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together. I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family, Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his. Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great. We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks. Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it. I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving. He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc. I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit. Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable. I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

MysticalPombear · 28/12/2025 09:54

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2025 21:47

"He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc."
That tells me two things.

'Probably'? He's happy to risk YOUR licence.
He wouldn't think twice about drink-driving himself.

He's a total wanker. I'd be seeing him in a whole new light, and I wouldn't be liking what I see.

This, its coercive and abusive what he is doing, trying to get you to do something you can't legally.

F£%^% this guy. You deserve better.

Why are yoy ferrying him around too?
I was in a long term relationship with some who couldn't drive, never again

Sounds like you're becoming a carer role and very unequal, hexis becoming entitled

Wintersgirl · 28/12/2025 09:54

tigger1001 · 27/12/2025 22:24

No it doesn't. She doesn't feel comfortable to drive. No one should ever be coerced into driving when they feel it is unsafe to do so. it is their decision and theirs alone

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Exactly, I don't understand all this trying to work out if you're over the limit, if you've had a big dinner or your last drink was at lunchtime blah blah, you're only safe if you've had zero alcohol..

MoveOnTheCards · 28/12/2025 09:58

Good on you @Didntwenearlyhaveitall , for telling him to fuck off and leaving and raising great kids who are there for you.

somanychristmaslights · 28/12/2025 10:00

Glad your home safe, what a great son you have!!
on social media, you can change your settings so people can’t message you if you aren’t friends with them, might be a good idea to lock it all down so he can’t message you.

myhaggisblewup · 28/12/2025 10:02

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 21:54

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine, especially if you’ve also eaten and/or the drinks have been drunk over a period of an hour plus. Generally you’ll process a unit per hour from your system.

But it’s still your call, drink or no drink, whether you want to run errands for his son. Do you know his son much?

Why the fuck should she drive anyone anywhere? The adult is an adult and needs to sort himself out not expect a chauffeur at his beck and call like his dimwit dad.
Winter you set the bar low obviously when you know diddy squat about the op's situation. Noone with half a brain cell should be drinking alcohol and driving, because it's usually the innocent parties that are seriously injured or killed, while the twat of a driver who 'only had two drinks' and 'eaten over an hour or two walk away with minor injuries.
Yes, I've lost a close friend to a drunk 'I had one glass of wine' bastard of a driver, my friend was on a crossing on a red light and some stupid bitch mowed her down and was able to get out of the car complaining about a fucking headache, she hadn't realised she'd hit someone.
Hope you are leaving for good today OP, let the cfer mug some other mug for lifts.
P's health not your problem, his adult son not your problem.

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:02

MiloMann · 28/12/2025 08:37

I am a bloke who has been known to take risks racing a motorcycle or fast driving a car.
But I do not have even one drink and drive. It just seems too risky, even if one has a minor bump and get's breathalysed your on the defensive. If someone was injured then how could I square my conscience?

But you’d be able to square your conscience if you injured someone taking risks, racing or speeding? That’s not better.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/12/2025 10:04

wow. Just read all of this. First glad your son picked you up and you are safe

i don’t get why the son would ring his dad asking for a lift knowing he can’t drive

you have been wonderful driving ex /being his taxi

he will have to do it himself now
via bus /taxi etx

sorry it’s ended tho he sounds a bully and unappreciative so it’s for the best and thank god you didn’t move in with him

Balloonhearts · 28/12/2025 10:09

I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that call 😆 Officer, my gf hid my car keys so I couldn't drive on the licence I don't have. 😂

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:11

myhaggisblewup · 28/12/2025 10:02

Why the fuck should she drive anyone anywhere? The adult is an adult and needs to sort himself out not expect a chauffeur at his beck and call like his dimwit dad.
Winter you set the bar low obviously when you know diddy squat about the op's situation. Noone with half a brain cell should be drinking alcohol and driving, because it's usually the innocent parties that are seriously injured or killed, while the twat of a driver who 'only had two drinks' and 'eaten over an hour or two walk away with minor injuries.
Yes, I've lost a close friend to a drunk 'I had one glass of wine' bastard of a driver, my friend was on a crossing on a red light and some stupid bitch mowed her down and was able to get out of the car complaining about a fucking headache, she hadn't realised she'd hit someone.
Hope you are leaving for good today OP, let the cfer mug some other mug for lifts.
P's health not your problem, his adult son not your problem.

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I assume that was aimed at me and you’re attempting to have a dig at me and not dare actually tag me so I can’t see it? 😂

It’s clear you’ve not read or comprehended a single thing I said. Maybe go and read my actual posts, then show me where I’ve said that I knew how much she’d had, or what her blood alcohol would be? Where I said she should drive or where I said she wouldn’t be over the limit? Go on, highlight the parts where I’ve done any of that? 🙄

Or indeed anywhere that I said I support drink driving? At the end of the day, your body processes alcohol, once it has, it’s not affecting you anymore. By your standards it seems like as soon as you’ve had a drink you think you can never drive again? How do you decide when a good time limit is?

Now stop making things up or putting words in my mouth just because the facts don’t align to your own feelings. I also said I wouldn’t care if it went to zero tolerance. It would not bother or affect me. I am literally explaining how things work, not commenting on what I think about it.

Yes, someone could kill someone after one glass of wine. But that’s highly likely to be because they’re a shit, incompetent driver to start with than because they had a glass of wine over an hour ago, as that wouldn’t leave enough remaining alcohol in their system to affect them anymore.

I get you’re all emotional about it, I’m sorry you’ve lost a friend, but if they were convicted of being a drunk driver then they had had more than one glass of wine. Rightly or wrongly, that’s the law.

MiloMann · 28/12/2025 10:17

@Winterburn , Racing was on dedicated courses and properly planned. Not from the Ace Café with other traffic.

PinkRug · 28/12/2025 10:18

Well done for getting out!
I would tell him where the keys are though, because he’s gonna attempt to keep hassling you. Use a platform that allows you to block right away again - some won’t let you reblock for a period of time. Text probably best

myhaggisblewup · 28/12/2025 10:18

Glad to hear your home safe OP and that your car is being collected for you.
Your ex sounds a bit of a fruit loop, going to call the police for keys to a car he can't legally drive. What an utter wanker he really is 😆
New year, new start OP enjoy life your way and stay wanker free.😜

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:21

MiloMann · 28/12/2025 10:17

@Winterburn , Racing was on dedicated courses and properly planned. Not from the Ace Café with other traffic.

You’d not made that even slightly clear

hypnovic · 28/12/2025 10:23

No you shouldn't drive after any alcohol in my opinion. To do so when potentially at ir over the limit is disgusting and anyone encouraging it has extremely questionable morals and values this wouod be near deal breaker for me. Only narcissistic people drink drive

myhaggisblewup · 28/12/2025 10:23

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:11

I assume that was aimed at me and you’re attempting to have a dig at me and not dare actually tag me so I can’t see it? 😂

It’s clear you’ve not read or comprehended a single thing I said. Maybe go and read my actual posts, then show me where I’ve said that I knew how much she’d had, or what her blood alcohol would be? Where I said she should drive or where I said she wouldn’t be over the limit? Go on, highlight the parts where I’ve done any of that? 🙄

Or indeed anywhere that I said I support drink driving? At the end of the day, your body processes alcohol, once it has, it’s not affecting you anymore. By your standards it seems like as soon as you’ve had a drink you think you can never drive again? How do you decide when a good time limit is?

Now stop making things up or putting words in my mouth just because the facts don’t align to your own feelings. I also said I wouldn’t care if it went to zero tolerance. It would not bother or affect me. I am literally explaining how things work, not commenting on what I think about it.

Yes, someone could kill someone after one glass of wine. But that’s highly likely to be because they’re a shit, incompetent driver to start with than because they had a glass of wine over an hour ago, as that wouldn’t leave enough remaining alcohol in their system to affect them anymore.

I get you’re all emotional about it, I’m sorry you’ve lost a friend, but if they were convicted of being a drunk driver then they had had more than one glass of wine. Rightly or wrongly, that’s the law.

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It's a dig at ANYONE who thinks drinking the smallest amount of alcohol and driving is acceptable.
I don't give a toss what you think about me fwiw.
Not dare tag you ? Get over youself.
Leaving the thread now I know OP is safe and home that is all I was concerned about.

Original poster

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 10:24

Good morning
Apologies for delay in updating you.
I found it hard to sleep and then woke up late.
My DS and DD have just got back with DS’s car, which was all fine.
I hid ex P’s car keys yesterday as I was concerned that he would be unreasonable enough to try to drive. He would have been a danger to himself and others. I still think it was the right thing to do.
He realised yesterday that they had been moved. He might have just noticed, but equally could have been looking for them to use.
Whilst it was briefly amusing to see how long it would take him to find them, I agree that he is an adult and now he is ( presumably) sober, and hopefully calmer I have just briefly unblocked his number to tell him where I put them.
I didn’t want him to have any reason to contact me in future.

OP posts:

Original poster

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 10:28

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2025 02:36

Someone has started a thread pretending to be the ex.

How bizarre!

OP posts:

hypnovic · 28/12/2025 10:28

Shade17 · 27/12/2025 21:47

It very much depends what you’ve drunk and when. A couple of small glasses with lunch 7/8 hours ago then YABU, a couple of large ones in the past 2 hours then not so much.

No she is never being unreasonable if she is uncomfortable no matter when it was consumed. I had a friend killed by a drink driver and wouod never drive the same day as drinking. There is no need. Also no means no regardless

Alondra · 28/12/2025 10:30

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 10:24

Good morning
Apologies for delay in updating you.
I found it hard to sleep and then woke up late.
My DS and DD have just got back with DS’s car, which was all fine.
I hid ex P’s car keys yesterday as I was concerned that he would be unreasonable enough to try to drive. He would have been a danger to himself and others. I still think it was the right thing to do.
He realised yesterday that they had been moved. He might have just noticed, but equally could have been looking for them to use.
Whilst it was briefly amusing to see how long it would take him to find them, I agree that he is an adult and now he is ( presumably) sober, and hopefully calmer I have just briefly unblocked his number to tell him where I put them.
I didn’t want him to have any reason to contact me in future.

Well done. Done and dusted.

Horses7 · 28/12/2025 10:31

Wow - YANBU at all. You should be so proud of yourself at how you’ve handled all this. Your son is a star also! You don’t need this useless man who has now shown you his true colours! Very well done - you’re awesome!

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:31

myhaggisblewup · 28/12/2025 10:23

It's a dig at ANYONE who thinks drinking the smallest amount of alcohol and driving is acceptable.
I don't give a toss what you think about me fwiw.
Not dare tag you ? Get over youself.
Leaving the thread now I know OP is safe and home that is all I was concerned about.

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Again, putting words in my mouth. Probably best not to quote and rant at people when you’ve not actually understood a single word they said!

hypnovic · 28/12/2025 10:34

Well done glad you are safe never speak to this creature again.

Xkk · 28/12/2025 10:39

francii · 27/12/2025 22:07

Just an extra thought…is there a local mums Facebook group or something? You could post anonymously looking for a lift. I live similarly rural it sounds like and if I saw that someone was stuck like this I’d absolutely go and get them if I could. Hope that doesn’t sound totally daft, just a thought.

Don't do that, is not your problem to sort. Don't pander to their tantrums.
OP, you are right to not drink and drive. If something happens there is an almighty shit storm you are getting into, from being arested to having to pay extortionate amounts for the insurance. Nobody likes a drink driver but you already know that that's why you said no. Stick to your guns and think if the relationship is what you wanted, he seems to have such a disregards for your safety and your driving privilege. If there is 0.01% chances you might be over the limit, is 0.01 % too much to risk it.

Mumofteenandtween · 28/12/2025 10:40

Well done Op - so glad you are home and safe and everything is sorted.

I think this thread should be used as an example of a woman who makes good decisions even when in difficult situations.

5foot5 · 28/12/2025 10:41

WaryHiker · 28/12/2025 01:03

Not really relevant to this thread, but do Ubers take unaccompanied 15-year-olds in the UK? Here in Australia, they have to be 18.

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Not sure but it's neither here nor there in this case as no 15 year olds involved. The adult son wanting a lift is 25.

I was brought up in a rural area with virtually no public transport and it was a given that if you were going in to town for a night out you worked out beforehand how you were getting home. And learned to drive as soon as possible.