To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

[Didntwenearlyhaveitall]

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

Well done for sticking up for yourself.

Your son sounds lovely.

He isn’t worth having if he was willing for you to potentially cause an accident just for his convenience. He isn’t a keeper due to his bullying behaviour.

As an aside it’s much harder to drive at the moment than normally. I tried to pick my son up yesterday and got stuck on the motorway for hours due to various accidents other people had had. My son had to give up and get the train home and I was in the car for 4 hrs and achieved nothing. So between Christmas and new year - no unnecessary journeys. Obviously people have to go to work (if applicable) but not driving people they have met once around.

The OP didn't hide the car keys because she was "mean". She hid them because she was concerned he'd drive when he's not allowed to do it. She did it out of concern for him, not out of malice. The fact he ended up showing his true twat colours, doesn't mean she did it out of spite.

A different issue is that in order to fully protect herself, she should text him the location of the keys now. They are his keys, his car, and is a grown adult to decide whether he drives or not. It's not the OP's responsibility, and she shouldn't be making decisions for his assets (even if it's only a key).

You sound like well rid there OP. But you do need to let him know where the keys are tho as it’s not for you to decide for eg of someone else could drive him in his own car.

I'm glad you're safe, OP, and sorry it ended this way. I can't believe the escalation over a silly request, though! His son knew his dad couldn't drive, yet called him for a lift anyway? He's 25 - why couldn't he figure something out on his own? If there's no transport, you find a place to sleep or you start walking.

All those saying your ex was happy for you to risk losing your licence...he was happy for you - and his son - to risk losing your lives in a drink-driving related accident. It doesn't matter how many drinks you've had, even one will impair your judgement and reaction time. I'm really glad your son was able to come and collect you. It sounds like the situation may have escalated even further if you hadn't been able to leave.

So relieved you were able to find a solution to get yourself safely out of that dangerous situation. And at least he showed his true colours and became an ex before you wasted any further time with him. Wishing you a peaceful rest of the festive season, and congratulations on having raised a responsible young man!

I agree with you, I never drive even after half a glass, tell him to pay for a taxi for his son if he’s so bothered.

Well done for sticking to your guns @OP

As an aside, some posters have evidently never lived anywhere there are no Ubers or any other kind of taxi.

I agree with this!

Id be on the coffee now Incase I had to make an emergency get away later . He sounds like a wrong one @Didntwenearlyhaveitall

At least read the OP's updates, even if you can't be bothered to read the thread. THERE ARE NO TAXIS. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT!

Just reading this. Your son is fab.
You are well rid.

Jesus, RTFT some people! The OP is thankfully home safely and dumped the twat!!!

Wow @Didntwenearlyhaveitall you did brilliantly last night. And your children are amazing.

At nine months in this should still be the honeymoon period, but he really showed you who he is.

As others have said, even without the alcohol, it was so presumptuous to expect you to do hours of driving on a winter’s night for his adult son.

His swift escalation to verbal abuse tells you everything you need to know about this creep.

Wishing you a blissful New Year!

He sounds like a v quick on the draw type. Normal people wouldn’t be arsing about noticing they were blocked and creating dummy Facebook accounts to message so quickly, if they had a drama with their kid to resolve.

Sounds like a psycho.

Glad you got out safely. Good to get the truth now before you waste too much time on a loser.

What a twat he sounds like a massive cheapskate avoiding taxi fairs at your expense

Don't go back to him EVER!

It’s quite funny he couldn’t find anyone to get his son and yet you got your son to collect you so quickly! 🤣

It must have stung him even more!

Once you've got your son's car back safely, I'd send a quick text to xh to let him know where the keys are, but then a follow up call to the non emergency police with the number plate of his car with just a concern that he may drive whilst not legally able to. More out of the concern for others safety. Any risk is best shared for your own peace of mind.
Be kind to yourself OP, your children have obviously had the best upbringing.

do keep us updated if you ever hear anything more from him!! You have done amazingly well to get yourself away from such a pillock.
I would be tempted to send a quick message to say where his car keys are, as funny as it would be to leave them and send him mad for however long… you are fuelling him more and who knows, he may well accuse you of stealing them. You don’t need that hassle.
It would be up to him to make the decision about driving when he’s not insured to or not, but either way, that’s his adult decision making.
I wonder if you will hear much from him going forward?! You deserve far better!!

Well done OP, and well done to your DS. At least you only wasted 9 months of your life on this twat.

I do think you should tell him where his car keys are now though. In that way 100% of the moral high ground is yours. If you don’t, there’s something he can blame you for.

So glad you're ok, OP. Please let us know when your son has his car back!

The fact he called you a C is just awful. Better to know NOW than later on when you're in too deep.

Take care

Dire for you even more. I think you will have to reflect how you were placed in such a situation

I also don’t drive even after one drink. I also don’t drive the next morning if it makes me tired. Surely his son was out with friends and could have stayed with them.
what a twat though.

I’m inspired by you op, taking no shit!
like others, I think you need to let him know where the keys are, not least because this will otherwise just turn into more drama, but aside from that well done and phew, I was watching updates last night feeling quite anxious for you!

Congratulations on being awesome and staying strong. Also congratulations on raising a fabulous son and daughter. And setting a great example to them both last night.
Awesome parent award goes to you!!