To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

[Didntwenearlyhaveitall]

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

You find out what sort of man you're with when you say no to him. Keep saying no, and then have a serious think about what he's telling you about the sort of person he is.

This is a brilliant update 🎉
I would go as far as deleting Facebook from my phone for a few weeks.
Honestly, you may not even miss it 😁

This is so pathetic of him and his son and I hope nobody gives him a lift. He’s an adult ffs why didn’t he plan his way home before going out? As all other adults have to do. Why is he wanting Mummy and Daddy to ferry him about? Ick ick ick! You seem sensible OP and you can do way better

Just to add, it takes 1 hour minimum to metabolise 1 unit from the time you stop drinking.

Small pub measure glass only.
Women, lower body weight, lack of food will add to this considerably.
You did the right thing - and not only by not driving. 👏

Yay for your son OP, he sounds wonderful!!

This disgusting pig of a man would have shown you this side eventually and calling you a cunt shows how horrendous and prone to abusive language he is. What he has done to you tonight is vile. Even if you had no drinks it’s not your fucking issue his baby of a 25yr old went out with no way to get home. Bunch of idiots their family. You’re well rid OP!

Yikes, if he realised his keys were hidden, does that mean he was planning on driving with his health issue, had he also been drinking?! Anyway.... OP is home safe. That's all that matters. OP are you going to make contact to tell him where the keys are?

I didn’t read this last night when it was unfolding.

But I just wanted to say, I think you are amazing OP and so glad you are rid of that arsehole!!! CF of the highest order !!!!👑🤴🏼🏆 CF of the year award for you, ExDP 😂

Who are the 2% who think you were unreasonable!!!

Oh, wait, they're the people risking killing and maiming other people's loved ones by driving after drinking.

You're well rid OP, well done.

I think your handled the situation well OP. Even without the drink driving problem it sounded a horrible drive in the dark and not something you should have been expected to do.

I rarely drink so feel giddy on 2 small glasses of fizz, my sister, her offspring DD and various partners go with zero booze when driving too.

What a horrible man your now ex is, you are well shot of him.

Enjoy your escape from ranting arsehole

I’d be questioning your partners morals if he’s so keen about you having a drink and driving. His words ‘probably’ not over the limit speak volumes.

The police are out in force at moment catching drink drivers. You don’t actually know if you’re over the limit or not.

You might have had an accident that’s
not even your fault. But if the police attend and you fail a breath test that’s it, licence gone.

His son’s an adult.

I don't drive even if I've had one glass of an alcoholic drink. I have been driving 30 years, and that has always been my rule. If I am driving, then I don't drink alcohol and if I've had alcohol, I don't drive! Your partner is being extremely unreasonable to expect you to drive his son, whilst knowing you've drunk alcohol and not respecting your boundary. You are not responsible for his son's transport issues.

Well done OP for refusing to drive after consuming alcohol, very commendable and responsible on your part. Your DP on the other hand is very unreasonable to push you into doing it.

Drunk driving result is caught:

A conviction.
A driving ban of atleast 12 months.
Higher insurance premiums for many years afterwards.
Does your job involve driving? Job gone .
Do you need to drive to work? Think again.

Id never ask anyone to drive anywhere if they’ve even had one drink.

He knows you’ve moved them, eh? I wonder why he even noticed.

Followed this last night with everything crossed for you getting out, and just re read this morning.
In your first post you say he immediately thought you would pick up son, before even suggesting getting a taxi! Just goes to show how he saw you as his replacement wheels now that he had temporarily lost his license.

I also note the request from the son to be driven to his mum's house, adding another half hour or more onto the journey. So entitled! You'd think he would be mortified having his dad ring round friends to pick him up, not specifying his most convenient trip!

You'd think his dad would shoot that down straight away and tell his son he can have the lift that suits the driver. The son should have gone to crash on the sofa of whoever he was out with,as soon as he realised a taxi was going to be tricky.

I think he may well lovebomb you over the next few days with flowers etc - stand firm! Agree with pp to message him today telling him where keys are,then re block forever.

Bravo OP, you're an inspiration!

I don't drive even after one.My parents never did so it's kind of instilled in me.If it was an emergency and I'd had a glass at lunch and it's now dinner time, I would, but not if I'd drunk more recently or had several at lunch.

Glad you are home Op.

Didn't see this last night as I would have suggested your son bringing someone if possible to get both you & your car out of there.

He came up with an excellent solution though.

I’d be a bit worried about that to be honest. If someone had a drink at 9pm and drove again at 7am, they might be sober and safe to drive but still fail a breath test by giving 5mg reading for example.

I am a bloke who has been known to take risks racing a motorcycle or fast driving a car.
But I do not have even one drink and drive. It just seems too risky, even if one has a minor bump and get's breathalysed your on the defensive. If someone was injured then how could I square my conscience?

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall your son is a⭐️
So glad you got home safely.

As an aside I do wish that posters wouldn't assume that Ubers are available everywhere. We don't all live in towns and cities with plentiful taxi services.

although I think you did exactly the right thing in not driving, and that he was being unfair in his reaction to it, I also understand he wanted to help his son who is in a difficult situation out. I think that you hiding his keys in a place that he won't find them is a pretty mean thing to do to be honest (unless you think he would try to drive tonight himself which sounds unlikely)

His son is an adult. It was never OP’s problem to solve, and he repeatedly tried to make it so.

Good for you OP. You have also got well brought up DCs. Is DS’s car rescue in progress yet?

You were brilliant Op and well done on breaking up with him before you left. I'd send him one last message telling him where his car keys are so there's no reason for him to contact you again.
You had a lucky escape really, his DS hasn't grown up at 25 and your Ex sees nothing wrong with that, you don't need two entitled males in your life

In my first year at uni in an out of the way uni, I was lucky (spolit) enough to be the only person with a car, always gettng asked for lifts to the station (£10 taxi fare in the late 90s/early 00s). It was a good lesson in learning to say no. At first I really struggled with this, I then started telling people I'd had a drink, and then I just progressed to all out 'no.' However, during the period of telling people I'd had a drink, I don't remember a single penny-pincing student 25 years ago trying to pressurise me into the lift having said this.