To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

[Didntwenearlyhaveitall]

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

So glad to see you are safe at home now. Your son is absolutely fantastic.

Great news you are safe. Your children sound very good sorts. The whole episode must have been frightening. Harassing somebody who has had quite a few units to risk their licence, especially if living rurally, to pick up his feckless son is just despicable and you are well rid of this man.

OP you are a bloody hero and your kids sound great. What an absolute arse that man is and his entitled child. I’m so glad you got away and dumped him. Well done!

Regardless of what you should do, or not, which I won’t get into - the reality is that if you were breathalysed and were over the limit, who would get the ban, him or you?

And that’s why you get to make that decision and no one else. And nobody should be hassling you over that.

Can’t he get a taxi?

Love that he may now be having to hunt for his keys. Although, unless anyone else is insured to drive it they won't be needed. I wonder how soon into next year the weather will be good enough that he will want to use the chair cushions!

Glad you and your kids worked together to get you home safe. And smart of your son to swap cars so yours wouldn’t get destroyed

The taxi issue has been dealt with in the OP's numerous posts. Quite a few times.

Someone has started a thread pretending to be the ex.

All power to your son for being a hero and picking you up OP. I dont drive but this is a hill I too would die on if I did. You have seen this abusive man in his true colours and had a lucky escape.

That's a bit weird, usually that's only done where it would be humorous not on something like this. Can you give us the title so we can report it?

I reported it. The thread has been hidden while they take a look at it.

This is very true. Good on you though for sticking to your guns as he probably thought he'd wear you down!

I have not yet read the full thread but wholeheartedly agree with you. I too will not drink alcohol and drive, neither will my husband. In Scotland too, our limit is half that of England. Your DH is entirely unreasonable to risk YOUR licence.

"No" is a full sentence. If I ask you to hold an apple for me and you say "no", you said no. That's consent and that's that. That being said, I also personally agree with you that there is no safe limit, but if the situation were that you wanted to go and he did not, I would also support you on doing what you believe is right because you are an adult and your decisions about yourself are final.

I'm glad you are safe at home.

My only concern is you shouldn't have hidden his car keys. I understand, and frankly by doing it you showed how much you cared for his wellbeing, but in reality it amounts to theft if he can't find them and new keys are very expensive.

Just to cover all possibilities, I would send him a text letting him know where the keys are and that you only did it because you were afraid he'd drive when he's not allowed to. Simple, to the point, and then block again.

Even if she hadn't had anything to drink she's NBU l. Why should she go and pick up his son?

He's a horror. To be clear your only reasonable legal option I would say would have been to wait an hour and a half to ensure the second double drink had metabolised (even then not accurate) and then do two hours of driving in the early hours of the morning for a possibly drunk young person you don't really know. This is what he was asking you and it wasn't being framed like a gargantuan favour, it was something being forced on you and gaslighting you into thinking you were the weird one for objecting and he was not even allowing you the processing time to have half a chance of being under the legal limit - just happy for you to risk your license while at it. Guys a prince. Keep us posted if he's full of remorse tomorrow but I applaud you for getting the fuck out, what else lies beneath with this guy? Scary.

Sounds like you handled everything very sensibly and also have a lovely, very sensible son (and daughter). Glad to see someone holding true to the maxim of "when someone shows you who they are, believe them". Have a lovely new year.

I'd dump him.

Looks like you’ve had a lucky escape from him! Hopefully tomorrow he’ll realise that if you wouldn’t even drive yourself to escape him and his nonsense, you weren’t in any state to go get his son. What an idiot! Your kids sound amazing btw, well done!

They do. When we were down to one car for about 6 months (DH handed in his company car when he moved jobs and the new car order at his new company took months to come off of the production line), I ordered loads of Ubers for my teens when they were going to different activities (no public transport around here).

May not be in their T&Cs, but they never said no (and I didn’t think to ask).

Drink taken or not, It very much depends on what OP wants to do, he asked she said no, thats that...or should be, just get him a taxi.

Keep your guard up, OP. He needs someone to ferry both himself and his grown ass son around, and in the cold light of day, he will be kicking himself that the Selfish Cunt Taxi Service™️ has abruptly ended. I expect that he won’t go quietly.

I read all your posts and it was quite a story!

Congrats on raising such a great son as yours 🙂

Great that your home but by hiding his keys you've given him a reason to keep hassling you.