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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run and TOIL

396 replies

Mumguilt25 · 27/12/2025 19:28

I am 25, mum of 1 (DC is 8). Started a new job in August which is a step up — more money, more freedom and flexibility.

In my previous role I literally had to take my lunch break to cover the school run 🙄. New manager was really relaxed and said just do the school run and also take 30 mins lunch whenever (its an hour otherwise) which felt nice and relaxed.

She’s also agreed I can WFH 3 days a week and be in the office 2, so on WFH days it’s pretty chill.

Everything was going fine until I put in a TOIL request for 4 hours for extra work I did last week. She refused it, saying she appreciated the effort but that it’s “give and take”.

I’m feeling really annoyed by this. I didn’t choose to work extra hours for fun, it was work that needed doing. I also don’t see how flexibility around school runs = unpaid overtime?

AIBU to feel annoyed? We didnt discuss it beforehand.

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 27/12/2025 21:00

Tbh alot of workplace flexibility is between managers and staff and if you're able to do a 50 min to an hr school run a day then surely that adds up to more hours than you give back to the company by halving your lunch break?

Are you technically responsible for your child once they're home too? During work hours? And you day wfh days are chill, ehat does that entail?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/12/2025 21:02

Oh dear. I think you’ve misunderstood “flexible”.

It doesn’t mean that work will give you an extra 20 mins per day that other employees don’t have, but then if you work a second of extra time over and above your normal day (minus the 20 mins) you can claim it back. The 20 mins allowance to do the school run is in exchange for you doing extra work when it’s needed.

You can’t just claim TOIL as well as the 20 mins “flexible” extra time each day.

PositiveCat · 27/12/2025 21:03

Mumguilt25 · 27/12/2025 19:43

The school run is 50mins -one hour.

Show quote history

In that case, you’re already taking more time than your colleagues, so the quid pro quo is that you suck up the extra hours when they crop up.

Look at it like a salary job like teaching: sometimes you have exam classes who leave gaps in your timetable in July. Other times you have huge amounts of planning and marking which you have to dedicate weekends and evenings to. You get paid the same all year round. In your case, you’re getting 90 minutes a day off, rather than 60, so you’re paid for 2.5 hours extra every week. Asking for toil on top of that goodwill gesture is going to look greedy and ignorant, so I would go back to your boss and say sorry, you have realised what you missed before.

MaggieFS · 27/12/2025 21:07

So you’re taking 50mins to do the school run plus 30 mins for lunch every day? But then flexing it so you still do your hours overall? I think there’s some info missing. Either way, if you’re in a role that offers that much flexibility, I wouldn’t piss my boss off for the sake of a one off four hours.

MadeForThis · 27/12/2025 21:07

I’m not surprised that you haven’t came back to the thread. I just hope that you read enough of the comments to realise how ridiculous you have been.

underthehawthorntree · 27/12/2025 21:08

What sort of job is this? In professional jobs you don't clock watch or count time so there's not really such a thing as TOIL...if you're doing a more senior or professional job then you should expect to work outside of your allotted hours.

Peonies12 · 27/12/2025 21:08

Rumplestrumpet · 27/12/2025 19:32

Hmmm. Its not clear what the set up currently is - are you taking more than your permitted breaks to pick kid up from school? Eg you're taking a 30min lunch break plus one hour to do school run? In which case every day adds up over an extended period to way more than your 4hrs toil.

Sp I guess what your new manager is saying is - you can't have it both ways. Either you stick to the rules and do your hours, then log TOIL when you do it, or you get the extra flexibility to work fewer hours and take breaks when it suits you, but then you have to accept you can't also ask for extra time off when you do a few additional hours.

This I what I was going to say. You either stick to your exact paid hours, no flexibility , and they will consider TOIL, or you enjoy the flexibility you seem to have

Peonies12 · 27/12/2025 21:09

Ive only ever claimed TOIL when Ive travelled / worked all weekend, and even then it wasn’t fully compensated.

christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem · 27/12/2025 21:14

You’ll have really rubbed her up the wrong way here and I can see why. I say that as someone who has historically never gave a company a single minute more than I’ve had to.

Eyeshadow · 27/12/2025 21:15

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/12/2025 21:02

Oh dear. I think you’ve misunderstood “flexible”.

It doesn’t mean that work will give you an extra 20 mins per day that other employees don’t have, but then if you work a second of extra time over and above your normal day (minus the 20 mins) you can claim it back. The 20 mins allowance to do the school run is in exchange for you doing extra work when it’s needed.

You can’t just claim TOIL as well as the 20 mins “flexible” extra time each day.

Yes this.

They are happy for you to take this extra time, as long as the work gets done and you will do extra hours when needed.

If you only have to do 4 hours extra a week or less - then you are laughing and you need to keep quiet.

But if you are regularly working a lot of extra hours a week - then it may be worth rethinking the flexibility aspect.

CatamaranViper · 27/12/2025 21:15

Give and take only works when both sides actually give. What are you giving? Because it sounds like you're just taking and getting pissy when someone asks for it back

Completelybatshit · 27/12/2025 21:17

Mumguilt25 · 27/12/2025 19:43

The school run is 50mins -one hour.

Show quote history

This is very relevant and should have been included in the original post. So every day that you do the school run you are being paid a minimum of 20 minutes when you are not working (one hour lunch permitted, but you are taking 50 minutes for the school run and 30 minutes for lunch). Even putting aside the fact that TOIL must always be agreed in advance, you really are being cheeky here. If I were your boss I’d be questioning your work ethic and my trust in you would be diminished.

Livpool · 27/12/2025 21:18

YABU and I don’t usually agree with work/managers. They give you time for the school run so I agree give and take means you shouldn’t have have out the TOIL in. Technically, you must still be in a deficit

NancyJoan · 27/12/2025 21:19

Since you started this job, we’ve had a 12 week school term, and every one of those weeks you have been paid for 2.5 hours that you have not worked. That’s 30 hours of pay, for nothing. And you think they should pay your for the extra 4 hours. Your boss is a saint.

Floraposte1 · 27/12/2025 21:21

This is so embarrassing for you and your card will now be marked....

FreebieWallopFridge · 27/12/2025 21:25

Mumguilt25 · 27/12/2025 19:43

The school run is 50mins -one hour.

Show quote history

Then you asking for TOIL is taking the piss

2026NewTricks · 27/12/2025 21:27

Mumguilt25 · 27/12/2025 19:43

The school run is 50mins -one hour.

Show quote history

Yeah you’re taking the piss.

SP2024 · 27/12/2025 21:29

You are absolutely taking the p. How can you not see that? You’re taking more time out every day than you normally would, presumably also looking after said child whilst working (which most places - for good reason - wouldn’t allow) and then asking to claim back such a small amount of time without prior agreement? If I was your boss I’d be seriously considering taking that school run flexibility back .

GeishaTrumpet · 27/12/2025 21:32

ExtraOnions · 27/12/2025 19:47

You take 50 minutes for the school run, and 30 minutes for lunch? Leaving you with a daily 20 minute deficit .. is that right ?

Show quote history

That’s how I work it out too, no wonder the manager is irritated.

REDB99 · 27/12/2025 21:33

Scottishlassie10 · 27/12/2025 19:35

I’m team boss. Yes it seems fairly relaxed and flexible however from what you’ve said you are wanting your cake and eat it.

This!

ManyPigeons · 27/12/2025 21:34

Nah she’s right, she’s letting you take paid company time to do the school run often. That adds up and she expects you to repay the flex by also sometimes being flexible. You can’t have it both ways.

CastleCrasher · 27/12/2025 21:35

Team boss here too. Surely you can see you are taking the piss?

Arlanymor · 27/12/2025 21:41

Thanks for the update!! But you're taking 1.5 hours a day when everyone else gets 1 hour... and you think you're owed TOIL? Please come back and tell me if I am wrong, but from what you have said that is what we have all gleaned from the information. You're getting and 30 mins a day break when everyone else is working. Every working day. Are we wrong?

FirstdatesFred · 27/12/2025 21:46

Well... now you know not to do any more extra hours! (Beyond what is making up for time lost on the school run)

If you're anything like me, you will know deep down that after the school run you may go back to your computer but you're no way as productive as kids interrupt for drinks, snacks etc

ELMhouse · 27/12/2025 21:46

I think OP is saying it’s 30 mins for school run and then 30 mins for lunch so the one hour lunch is incorporated into the school run or vice versa not as an ‘extra’.

Even so I think being flexible with your employer to an extent is valuable as even though you aren’t taking any extra breaks having an employer that is aware and happy for you to split child care duties and WFH when needed is worth a little give and take every now and then. Obvs if you are consistently working lots of extra hours then they do need to be looking at ways to compensate.