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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

881 replies

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

OP posts:
Thehandinthecookiejar · 30/12/2025 02:50

mathanxiety · 30/12/2025 02:42

I wonder if she even intends telling her parents.

The easiest way for her to solve her problems and start making the money her education promised would be for her to leave her baby with its father (for father, read 'granny') and return to Korea without telling anyone there. It would be a wrench for her, but Korean society is not very forgiving of unwed motherhood.

Might be easier just to get a termination.

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 03:07

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 02:18

That's up to you - but none of us know that the gf actually wants to keep the baby. Just because the bf has handed over a positive pregnancy test to the family means very little - it's the couples choice - either way

I assume if the son is gifting the news, that they have decided to keep the baby. Yes, it's up to the couple, but I know I'd never have forgiven anyone who suggested this would be an option for a baby of mine. Or a grandparent who thought their grandchild via me should be terminated. That tells me all I need to know about the value they put on my child.

I know of one such circumstance, very similar to this. As soon as the woman told her family she was told to get rid of it and pretend it never happened. Left a heartbroken father in its wake. Wonder if this woman has told her family yet?

FlyingCatGirl · 30/12/2025 07:56

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 01:36

I would never forgive my mother if she even suggested we consider a termination for our baby/her grandchild.

This isn't time to be in your high horses about abortion, you would be placing your beliefs far high above the actual people whose lives would be destroyed by a very foolish birth! This is likely to be a very complicated, very stressful and very expensive legal battle that nobody benefits from least of all the poor baby. A sensible mother is better than an anti abortionist mother! I had a friend once who was left pretty mentally damaged by an anti abortionist mother who made her keep a pregnancy resulting from a teenage one night stand! The kid never had a great life, very little money and he always craved a father figure.

FlyingCatGirl · 30/12/2025 08:10

mathanxiety · 30/12/2025 02:42

I wonder if she even intends telling her parents.

The easiest way for her to solve her problems and start making the money her education promised would be for her to leave her baby with its father (for father, read 'granny') and return to Korea without telling anyone there. It would be a wrench for her, but Korean society is not very forgiving of unwed motherhood.

This is why it's not wrong to suggest termination at this point as that's going to ruin the lives of everyone involved including the child who would be left with a penniless young father who wasn't with the mother that long and the kid would have to deal with being obviously different, having a mother that walked away from them and having an origin and culture they can't learn anything about, a whole side of a family they don't know.

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 08:25

FlyingCatGirl · 30/12/2025 07:56

This isn't time to be in your high horses about abortion, you would be placing your beliefs far high above the actual people whose lives would be destroyed by a very foolish birth! This is likely to be a very complicated, very stressful and very expensive legal battle that nobody benefits from least of all the poor baby. A sensible mother is better than an anti abortionist mother! I had a friend once who was left pretty mentally damaged by an anti abortionist mother who made her keep a pregnancy resulting from a teenage one night stand! The kid never had a great life, very little money and he always craved a father figure.

I'm sure the couple know they have the option of termination. Apparently they have rejected it.

I'm just saying that the suggestion doesn't need to come from the mother who presumably has already educated her son enough that he is aware of the options.

I really think that if my mother had suggested a termination for any of my babies I'd have told her that given how little she values them, she shouldn't be involved with them. I don't think I could ever forget that she thought they shouldn't exist.

I would keep my mouth zipped and ask, at most, what their plans are going forward. Then my job is to respect whatever decision they have made.

FlyingCatGirl · 30/12/2025 08:25

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 19:34

There was a thread on the legal board a couple of months ago from a UK woman studying in Australia, who was in exactly the same situation. Both the UK and Australia are signatories to Hague and although she was required to leave at the end of her studies, she could not take the child without the fathers’ permission, as the courts had ruled that the child’s habitual residence was in Australia. If l can find it, I’ll link to it.

Edited

The question with this though is how old the child was when the mother had to leave, a one year old girl example would have a habitual residence but an unborn child won't because they've never lived anywhere yet. I just looked up habitual residence and it means somewhere you have to lived for a set period of time and so an unborn or newborn won't qualify.

FlyingCatGirl · 30/12/2025 09:20

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 08:25

I'm sure the couple know they have the option of termination. Apparently they have rejected it.

I'm just saying that the suggestion doesn't need to come from the mother who presumably has already educated her son enough that he is aware of the options.

I really think that if my mother had suggested a termination for any of my babies I'd have told her that given how little she values them, she shouldn't be involved with them. I don't think I could ever forget that she thought they shouldn't exist.

I would keep my mouth zipped and ask, at most, what their plans are going forward. Then my job is to respect whatever decision they have made.

Edited

But it's not about valuing them so little! It's about not bringing kids into the world just to suffer and go through hell! It's the anti abortionists who don't care about the kids, they care about forcing the birth to happen but are cold, dead and numb to any consequences of that birth.

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2025 09:24

Problem 1
If she has the baby in the UK, she is liable for NHS fees. Currently she is financially supported by her Mummy and Daddy. When they find out, God knows what they will do in terms of financial support. I am betting she won't tell them until the pregnancy is well advanced to prevent them from using finances as a way to get her to terminate.

Problem 2
At some point she will have to tell her parents for financial reasons, due to above point. The DS asking if he can move in with gf and baby suggests that she knows she's going to get cut off financially and her parents will no longer support her accommodation financially.

Problem 3
She will not have a visa to stay if she drops out of education. There are a few issues with this. No visa = may not be able to rent accommodation. OP needs to know the visa status if this woman decides to overstay her visa and OP provides accommodation. There may be legal implications.

Problem 4
No visa = problems financially generally. This woman will be unable to work. The government may not be able to deport her due to human rights considerations but it can force her into a desperate situation where she has no choice but to leave because she has no job and no accommodation. She will not be able to take the baby if the OPs son objects. This isn't an unrealistic scenario, especially if she and son fall out. She'd be dependent on the son for finances / accommodation so if he no longer is willing to support her with this, only the baby, she's screwed. People don't understand that the British government don't have to force anything in most cases for this reason. She second she leaves she won't be able to come back too.

Problem 5
Having a baby to support makes it harder for her to apply for a visa on her own terms because she financially will have to pay fees and provide childcare on top of working. Again, this is another reason the son might be asking to move in. It's for free childcare. She will have to be able to get a good enough job to meet the criteria for entry. She's educated enough to have that potential, but given how hard it is for British graduates to get a job ATM don't bet on her being able to do this. There's often extra paperwork for employers so unless she's exceptional she may struggle to find the necessary employment.

Problem 6
If she does leave and takes the baby, what is the OPs son going to do? He can object and get the baby back if he does it immediately (as UK will be the baby's residence to that point). If he lets go and objects much later on he may find he's shut out because south Korea becomes the child's place of residency.

Problem 7
If she is financially cut off by parents and financially becomes screwed her by visa limitations and a falling out with boyfriend, her only option may be to return to South Korea alone in order to support herself financially. This may have financial implications for the son as he may be left holding the baby with no financial support from her. If she goes 'temporarily' she may find unable to return because she can't get a work/residency visa. Especially if she overstays her current visa (if she doesn't this she'll have trouble coming to the UK on a tourist trip as she would have to apply for a visa for that and wouldn't be allowed to come on a visa waiver basis - noting the additional cost in getting said visa).

Problem 8
All these financial obligations have an impact on the son's ability to stay in education. He may just graduate before the baby is born but only just. Either way there's some pressure to get a job quickly at a time when graduates are struggling to get employment. He will automatically have planned to move home if he hasn't got employment. OP has now put foot down on this on terms of gf and baby. He will have to provide for gf and baby who may find themselves unable to rent due to visa issues. You have a situation of the gf being potentially homeless, with new baby. With no visa she's got a problem - she isn't going to be eligible for accommodation and she can't work. Even if she does get a visa and can work shed have to pay for childcare and accommodation. So who realistically is going to end up holding the baby? Probably the son (especially if he has no job) or the OP.

Problem 9
If the gf doesn't get a work visa she has to apply for a spouse visa. At present this isn't an option as you have to prove a long term relationship and they simply haven't been together long enough. That's years she will either have to return to South Korea or overstay and be financially supported. Whilst she can't be deported for human rights considerations, I'd be mindful of the political climate - this human right isn't guaranteed to stay. We have Reform threatening to leave these human rights conventions and as it stands the polling suggests this may be a realistic scenario. In which case law changes may mean she IS deported at some point.

Problem 10
Say they do make a go of it somehow over coming temporary visa issues and financial issues, they STILL will have to save for permanent residency for her. That's a lot of money.

Problem 11
Moving to South Korea isn't a viable option for the son. He won't be eligible for certain visas which are normal for young people due to having a dependent child and he doesn't speak the language.

Problem 12
Will the son step up? If she struggles with visas and finances and he isn't providing, there will be a temptation to fuck off back home to South Korea. If he doesn't object and she takes the baby and settles there with the baby he is going to find he won't get the baby back. So he needs to do some growing up in terms of whether he wants to be a dad or not because this is a realistic scenario. He will need to consider employment and childcare issues if he does object too.

My point being in pretty much every scenario, realistically the OP gets dragged into matters because of visa and financial considerations. There is a huge chance of family separation for practical financial reasons even if the gf isn't deported. At the heart of this someone is going to end up holding the baby. By the sound of it, it very much sounds like the son tried to pin that on mum right now in his initial thoughts and the OP is perfectly sensible in saying "no, you need to work this out yourself" at this stage if only to get him to start realising the mess he's in and what the implications are.

Other posters pointing out the OP has a child very young miss the point that as a single mum here, she had the right to work / had access to benefits - these are not things the gf has and this has significant implications for the son. The son does have the right to these - the potential for him to be a stay at home single dad on benefits is real. The OP has the right not to get involved.

Realistically the OP is going to face some difficult financial and emotional choices herself over this I suspect. She may end up with a grandchild in another country she never sees. Or having to take on childcare or financial burdens because of her feckless son.

The fact the son isn't talking to his mum because she said no, just highlights his immaturity and he needs to wind his neck in and apologise. The chances are he is going to NEED his mum at some point in this because of the mess he's made. If he manages to sort the visa and financial situation without his Mum, great; Mum has done her job as mum by saying no and forcing that. Unfortunately given the barriers here, that's actually an unlikely scenario so he should be sucking up big time to Mum.

And Mum is still well within her rights to say, I'm not prepared to do this because if she does say yes, the son may merely take her for granted and treat her like a doormat.

Realistically the chances of this relationship surviving are limited and that in its self means there's heartbreak for all these somewhere down the line. OPs job as mum is to point this out to feckless son because he's got himself into a terrible mess because he needs to know in order to avoid certain pitfalls. He might feel his mum is being unsupportive but frankly that's tough shit - he needs a very rude awakening. The pregnancy test just shows he's living in online la la land and doesn't live in the real world.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 10:26

mathanxiety · 30/12/2025 02:42

I wonder if she even intends telling her parents.

The easiest way for her to solve her problems and start making the money her education promised would be for her to leave her baby with its father (for father, read 'granny') and return to Korea without telling anyone there. It would be a wrench for her, but Korean society is not very forgiving of unwed motherhood.

Completely unfair on the Op.

Flickaflock · 30/12/2025 10:32

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 22:38

I didn't do a masters as I said above

Ok, and? Whatever postgraduate qualifications you did have absolutely no bearing on whatever the OP’s son’s girlfriend is studying, or what her timeline for leaving the UK might be. 2/3 of postgrad students in this country are doing masters courses, which, as a matter of course, finish in September.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 10:35

Flickaflock · 30/12/2025 10:32

Ok, and? Whatever postgraduate qualifications you did have absolutely no bearing on whatever the OP’s son’s girlfriend is studying, or what her timeline for leaving the UK might be. 2/3 of postgrad students in this country are doing masters courses, which, as a matter of course, finish in September.

I assumed probably wrongly that the OPs gf was doing a post graduate diploma - hope that clarifies

ShamedBySiri · 30/12/2025 10:40

OP is in a most unenviable position. She hasn't come back with further details but it is likely that one or more of the following apply:

  • Work, probably full time
  • Younger siblings still needing supervision/care
  • Older relatives or parents needing help
  • Limited home space to accommodate a new mother and baby as well as her son
  • A lack of excess income to help fund son or pay for immigration/family lawyers advice

How is she meant to give more than occasional ad hoc care to the baby?
Honestly the best thing is if the girlfriend goes back to Korea with the baby. Son can still maintain some contact, make financial contributions and visit occasionally as an interested father (as oppose to a deadbeat absent father) but the dream of playing happy families with OP providing significant support, whether financial, housing or childcare is just a dream.

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2025 10:49

ShamedBySiri · 30/12/2025 10:40

OP is in a most unenviable position. She hasn't come back with further details but it is likely that one or more of the following apply:

  • Work, probably full time
  • Younger siblings still needing supervision/care
  • Older relatives or parents needing help
  • Limited home space to accommodate a new mother and baby as well as her son
  • A lack of excess income to help fund son or pay for immigration/family lawyers advice

How is she meant to give more than occasional ad hoc care to the baby?
Honestly the best thing is if the girlfriend goes back to Korea with the baby. Son can still maintain some contact, make financial contributions and visit occasionally as an interested father (as oppose to a deadbeat absent father) but the dream of playing happy families with OP providing significant support, whether financial, housing or childcare is just a dream.

I think I lean towards this, if the gf decides she doesn't want a a termination.

Ultimately I think there won't be the choices they think and they are both living in a fantasy at present.

There's every chance the son will end up a dead beat dad though unfortunately.

I am wondering if the gf has worked out just how truly fucked she is yet.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 11:03

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2025 09:24

Problem 1
If she has the baby in the UK, she is liable for NHS fees. Currently she is financially supported by her Mummy and Daddy. When they find out, God knows what they will do in terms of financial support. I am betting she won't tell them until the pregnancy is well advanced to prevent them from using finances as a way to get her to terminate.

Problem 2
At some point she will have to tell her parents for financial reasons, due to above point. The DS asking if he can move in with gf and baby suggests that she knows she's going to get cut off financially and her parents will no longer support her accommodation financially.

Problem 3
She will not have a visa to stay if she drops out of education. There are a few issues with this. No visa = may not be able to rent accommodation. OP needs to know the visa status if this woman decides to overstay her visa and OP provides accommodation. There may be legal implications.

Problem 4
No visa = problems financially generally. This woman will be unable to work. The government may not be able to deport her due to human rights considerations but it can force her into a desperate situation where she has no choice but to leave because she has no job and no accommodation. She will not be able to take the baby if the OPs son objects. This isn't an unrealistic scenario, especially if she and son fall out. She'd be dependent on the son for finances / accommodation so if he no longer is willing to support her with this, only the baby, she's screwed. People don't understand that the British government don't have to force anything in most cases for this reason. She second she leaves she won't be able to come back too.

Problem 5
Having a baby to support makes it harder for her to apply for a visa on her own terms because she financially will have to pay fees and provide childcare on top of working. Again, this is another reason the son might be asking to move in. It's for free childcare. She will have to be able to get a good enough job to meet the criteria for entry. She's educated enough to have that potential, but given how hard it is for British graduates to get a job ATM don't bet on her being able to do this. There's often extra paperwork for employers so unless she's exceptional she may struggle to find the necessary employment.

Problem 6
If she does leave and takes the baby, what is the OPs son going to do? He can object and get the baby back if he does it immediately (as UK will be the baby's residence to that point). If he lets go and objects much later on he may find he's shut out because south Korea becomes the child's place of residency.

Problem 7
If she is financially cut off by parents and financially becomes screwed her by visa limitations and a falling out with boyfriend, her only option may be to return to South Korea alone in order to support herself financially. This may have financial implications for the son as he may be left holding the baby with no financial support from her. If she goes 'temporarily' she may find unable to return because she can't get a work/residency visa. Especially if she overstays her current visa (if she doesn't this she'll have trouble coming to the UK on a tourist trip as she would have to apply for a visa for that and wouldn't be allowed to come on a visa waiver basis - noting the additional cost in getting said visa).

Problem 8
All these financial obligations have an impact on the son's ability to stay in education. He may just graduate before the baby is born but only just. Either way there's some pressure to get a job quickly at a time when graduates are struggling to get employment. He will automatically have planned to move home if he hasn't got employment. OP has now put foot down on this on terms of gf and baby. He will have to provide for gf and baby who may find themselves unable to rent due to visa issues. You have a situation of the gf being potentially homeless, with new baby. With no visa she's got a problem - she isn't going to be eligible for accommodation and she can't work. Even if she does get a visa and can work shed have to pay for childcare and accommodation. So who realistically is going to end up holding the baby? Probably the son (especially if he has no job) or the OP.

Problem 9
If the gf doesn't get a work visa she has to apply for a spouse visa. At present this isn't an option as you have to prove a long term relationship and they simply haven't been together long enough. That's years she will either have to return to South Korea or overstay and be financially supported. Whilst she can't be deported for human rights considerations, I'd be mindful of the political climate - this human right isn't guaranteed to stay. We have Reform threatening to leave these human rights conventions and as it stands the polling suggests this may be a realistic scenario. In which case law changes may mean she IS deported at some point.

Problem 10
Say they do make a go of it somehow over coming temporary visa issues and financial issues, they STILL will have to save for permanent residency for her. That's a lot of money.

Problem 11
Moving to South Korea isn't a viable option for the son. He won't be eligible for certain visas which are normal for young people due to having a dependent child and he doesn't speak the language.

Problem 12
Will the son step up? If she struggles with visas and finances and he isn't providing, there will be a temptation to fuck off back home to South Korea. If he doesn't object and she takes the baby and settles there with the baby he is going to find he won't get the baby back. So he needs to do some growing up in terms of whether he wants to be a dad or not because this is a realistic scenario. He will need to consider employment and childcare issues if he does object too.

My point being in pretty much every scenario, realistically the OP gets dragged into matters because of visa and financial considerations. There is a huge chance of family separation for practical financial reasons even if the gf isn't deported. At the heart of this someone is going to end up holding the baby. By the sound of it, it very much sounds like the son tried to pin that on mum right now in his initial thoughts and the OP is perfectly sensible in saying "no, you need to work this out yourself" at this stage if only to get him to start realising the mess he's in and what the implications are.

Other posters pointing out the OP has a child very young miss the point that as a single mum here, she had the right to work / had access to benefits - these are not things the gf has and this has significant implications for the son. The son does have the right to these - the potential for him to be a stay at home single dad on benefits is real. The OP has the right not to get involved.

Realistically the OP is going to face some difficult financial and emotional choices herself over this I suspect. She may end up with a grandchild in another country she never sees. Or having to take on childcare or financial burdens because of her feckless son.

The fact the son isn't talking to his mum because she said no, just highlights his immaturity and he needs to wind his neck in and apologise. The chances are he is going to NEED his mum at some point in this because of the mess he's made. If he manages to sort the visa and financial situation without his Mum, great; Mum has done her job as mum by saying no and forcing that. Unfortunately given the barriers here, that's actually an unlikely scenario so he should be sucking up big time to Mum.

And Mum is still well within her rights to say, I'm not prepared to do this because if she does say yes, the son may merely take her for granted and treat her like a doormat.

Realistically the chances of this relationship surviving are limited and that in its self means there's heartbreak for all these somewhere down the line. OPs job as mum is to point this out to feckless son because he's got himself into a terrible mess because he needs to know in order to avoid certain pitfalls. He might feel his mum is being unsupportive but frankly that's tough shit - he needs a very rude awakening. The pregnancy test just shows he's living in online la la land and doesn't live in the real world.

It's not all on him - this mess. There are two of them involved here. It's pretty normal for people to have sex - that doesn't necessarily make him feckless - none of us know if they were actively trying for a baby (I would assume not) - but contraception can and does fail

The issue is is that he expects his mum to deal with this situation by moving him and the GF in - and that he thought that presenting her with a pregnancy test on Christmas day was the way to approach this issue

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 11:06

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2025 10:49

I think I lean towards this, if the gf decides she doesn't want a a termination.

Ultimately I think there won't be the choices they think and they are both living in a fantasy at present.

There's every chance the son will end up a dead beat dad though unfortunately.

I am wondering if the gf has worked out just how truly fucked she is yet.

The son isn't going to do any of that at this point in time unless he drops out of uni and gets a full time job.

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2025 11:42

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 11:03

It's not all on him - this mess. There are two of them involved here. It's pretty normal for people to have sex - that doesn't necessarily make him feckless - none of us know if they were actively trying for a baby (I would assume not) - but contraception can and does fail

The issue is is that he expects his mum to deal with this situation by moving him and the GF in - and that he thought that presenting her with a pregnancy test on Christmas day was the way to approach this issue

It's not all on him no.

But he could easily have prevented this situation arising

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2025 11:43

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 11:06

The son isn't going to do any of that at this point in time unless he drops out of uni and gets a full time job.

Or works all the hours on earth outside uni. He needs to at least be getting a part time job now. If only to show his mum his determination to make it work.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2025 14:13

Rosscameasdoody · 28/12/2025 15:08

Right, so what’s your theory for a grown, highly intelligent woman becoming pregnant in such difficult circumstances ? Statistics mean sod all. It’s intent that matters here.

Perhaps he removed the condom or didn’t bother with it, perhaps it was a genuinely unplanned pregnancy due to contraceptive failure. At 20 and sexually active he is quite old enough to manage to avoid pregnancy other that by eg a burst condom.

Perhaps the girl is a lot less happy than he is about the pregnancy - remarkably little consideration has been given to her thoughts and feelings on this thread.

You may not like statistics but it is a fact that the UK is a long way down the list of desired workplaces for educated women and men around the world. Its extremely hard to recruit educated workers from countries such as SK.

But apparently many of the posters on this thread cannot imagine a mixed race pregnancy which doesn’t involve the non white party just gagging to shackle herself with a 20 year old and an “anchor baby”. Dear old Nigel must be delighted with the considerable growth of the Little Britain and British Exceptionalism mindsets.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/12/2025 14:22

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2025 14:13

Perhaps he removed the condom or didn’t bother with it, perhaps it was a genuinely unplanned pregnancy due to contraceptive failure. At 20 and sexually active he is quite old enough to manage to avoid pregnancy other that by eg a burst condom.

Perhaps the girl is a lot less happy than he is about the pregnancy - remarkably little consideration has been given to her thoughts and feelings on this thread.

You may not like statistics but it is a fact that the UK is a long way down the list of desired workplaces for educated women and men around the world. Its extremely hard to recruit educated workers from countries such as SK.

But apparently many of the posters on this thread cannot imagine a mixed race pregnancy which doesn’t involve the non white party just gagging to shackle herself with a 20 year old and an “anchor baby”. Dear old Nigel must be delighted with the considerable growth of the Little Britain and British Exceptionalism mindsets.

Ridiculous post. As I said upthread, when you run out of argument shout racist and all will be fine.

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 20:34

FlyingCatGirl · 30/12/2025 09:20

But it's not about valuing them so little! It's about not bringing kids into the world just to suffer and go through hell! It's the anti abortionists who don't care about the kids, they care about forcing the birth to happen but are cold, dead and numb to any consequences of that birth.

That doesn't make it any better. If my mother thought any child born to me would suffer and go through hell and was better off not being born - just wow. Bye Mum.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 20:46

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 20:34

That doesn't make it any better. If my mother thought any child born to me would suffer and go through hell and was better off not being born - just wow. Bye Mum.

The OP has not said anything like this. On any level That she wants the child to be aborted
Please stop this - your posts could be really triggering for some people on here

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 20:53

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 20:46

The OP has not said anything like this. On any level That she wants the child to be aborted
Please stop this - your posts could be really triggering for some people on here

It's relevant as it has been suggested that OP ask her son if they have considered termination. I have responded by saying why I think this is a bad idea.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 20:55

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 20:53

It's relevant as it has been suggested that OP ask her son if they have considered termination. I have responded by saying why I think this is a bad idea.

Because of how you feel.

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 20:57

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 20:55

Because of how you feel.

Yes, and we don't know if the son and GF might feel the same. If OP wants to be in her gc's life, assuming the pregnancy does result in a birth, she shouldn't ask the question. Presumably both adults here know their options already.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 20:59

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 20:57

Yes, and we don't know if the son and GF might feel the same. If OP wants to be in her gc's life, assuming the pregnancy does result in a birth, she shouldn't ask the question. Presumably both adults here know their options already.

The OP did not ask the question. You are making an issue over nothing