Page 33 | Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

Becc91 · 2025-12-27T17:57:29+00:00

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱! Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september. I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!! This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone. DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 21:01

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 20:59

The OP did not ask the question. You are making an issue over nothing

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Not as far as we know, but she has been advised to ask the question. Obviously that's up to OP, not my life, I don't care, but it is relevant to respond with a counter opinion on why that is bad advice. It's reasonable for OP to hear different opinions when deciding what to do.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 21:03

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 21:01

Not as far as we know, but she has been advised to ask the question. Obviously that's up to OP, not my life, I don't care, but it is relevant to respond with a counter opinion on why that is bad advice. It's reasonable for OP to hear different opinions when deciding what to do.

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It's bad advice because you are anti abortion. Other people believe in a woman's right to choose. Just because the OP plonked a pregnancy test down doesn't mean his gf wants to keep the baby. She might but she might not

bumptybum · 30/12/2025 21:07

mathanxiety · 27/12/2025 18:32

You don't know my relative. He started out exactly as this young man did.

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What you mean he had a baby at 20 to a 26 year old Korean exchange student

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 21:09

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 21:03

It's bad advice because you are anti abortion. Other people believe in a woman's right to choose. Just because the OP plonked a pregnancy test down doesn't mean his gf wants to keep the baby. She might but she might not

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Who says I'm anti-abortion? I believe it's very important to have access to safe and legal abortion. I would hold my daughter's hand and support her if she chose abortion. If I found myself pregnant tomorrow, I would consider getting that new pill that takes care of it early. What I wouldn't ever do is suggest it to someone else who didn't bring it up first. And even then I'd talk to them, not suggest it. That's very dangerous ground, especially for the potential grandmother. I disagree that OP should suggest it, as other posters have suggested she do. That's all.

Carla786 · 31/12/2025 21:09

mathanxiety · 27/12/2025 18:39

Nice piece of woman blaming there.

Why so.sympathetic toward the son? Condoms are cheap and easily available. Unless the woman put a gun to his head and forced him to impregnate her, he's the one who played the active role in the conception of this baby.

A baby is now on the way, to be borne by a woman from a culture where unwed motherhood is not acceptable, and a young man who has all the sense and maturity you would expect from a turnip.

The women who had babies with my relative left him - as I think I said - when they saw through his shit and had enough of him, taking the kids with them. They live all over Europe and the US.

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That's a horrible position for that woman...

But I don't agree that a man not wearing a condom is the only one playing an active role in conception. I don't like putting women in the passive role

If a woman chooses to have sex without a condom or IUD or pill etc then she is knowingly taking the risk as much as the man is.

Carla786 · 31/12/2025 21:12

ShamedBySiri · 30/12/2025 10:40

OP is in a most unenviable position. She hasn't come back with further details but it is likely that one or more of the following apply:

Work, probably full time
Younger siblings still needing supervision/care
Older relatives or parents needing help
Limited home space to accommodate a new mother and baby as well as her son
A lack of excess income to help fund son or pay for immigration/family lawyers advice

How is she meant to give more than occasional ad hoc care to the baby?
Honestly the best thing is if the girlfriend goes back to Korea with the baby. Son can still maintain some contact, make financial contributions and visit occasionally as an interested father (as oppose to a deadbeat absent father) but the dream of playing happy families with OP providing significant support, whether financial, housing or childcare is just a dream.

Unless they want to get married & gf stays here (or vice versa, ofc. But I mean did they intend to stay together? What a difficult situation....

Carla786 · 31/12/2025 21:14

FlyingCatGirl · 29/12/2025 06:35

He can't live in Korea, he needs job sponsorship and a decent income to even apply and he won't get that because he cannot speak or read Korean. Korea is also apparently a very expensive place to live and deposit to put down get a place to rent is actually the equivalent of the value of the property in Korea so unless these two students have a massive amount of money somewhere they won't be living anywhere there. He won't be accepted into Korea I'm sure of it. Also Koreans apparently aren't too welcoming or communicate well with foreigners.

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Judging by the way the Korean birth rate is going, the government might be almost happy that at least someone has had a baby!

But no, seriously I agree with you.

Italiangreyhound · 01/01/2026 19:28

@Becc91

I hope that things are a little better now Christmas is out of the way and you have finally got to meet your son's girlfriend. Although things seem tough, I do hope they will get better.

MySilentLions · 01/01/2026 22:03

Trishyb10 · 28/12/2025 18:21

Be proud that they will both be achieving degrees, be proud a termination isnt on the cards, CANNOT believe you will not be there for backup, your not going to let them move in so can you not see the pressure that piles on them and the possible awful repercussions for them… what a horrible being you are…

A termination sounds like the best idea all round, frankly.

MySilentLions · 01/01/2026 22:21

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/12/2025 19:20

Well if you were 18 when you had him it’s a tad hypocritical to have a long face over him becoming a Father at 20 or 21.

It’s Cancel the cheque all over again.

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 01/01/2026 22:29

THE OP LEFT THE THREAD ON THE 27TH. That was on page 1 or 2, and it’s up to page 17 now. You can obviously have a bun fight or share your opinion, but be aware that OP is MIA.

Catladywithoutacat · 01/01/2026 22:48

You had him young what do you expect

ManyPigeons · 01/01/2026 22:58

Korea does NOT look kindly on single unmarried mothers… she will be looking to stay in the UK or to marry him I should think. Time to get used to her OP…

MySilentLions · 01/01/2026 23:01

FlyingCatGirl · 30/12/2025 09:20

But it's not about valuing them so little! It's about not bringing kids into the world just to suffer and go through hell! It's the anti abortionists who don't care about the kids, they care about forcing the birth to happen but are cold, dead and numb to any consequences of that birth.

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Exactly.

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2026 03:16

*Becc91 may not be posting still but she may be reading. *

There is so much negativity on this thread. It's not a great situation, but it could be worse. I do hope the OP and her son find a way forward.

FlyingCatGirl · 02/01/2026 07:37

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 01/01/2026 22:29

THE OP LEFT THE THREAD ON THE 27TH. That was on page 1 or 2, and it’s up to page 17 now. You can obviously have a bun fight or share your opinion, but be aware that OP is MIA.

Remove the age from the equation, the age isn't the issue and you shouldn't have to be told the obvious! There's are two students still in the middle of studies, no money or jobs, been together just 6 months and she legally stay here if she's not studying! These are major differences from the OPs situation! But you choose to attack the OP even though you don't know why she was pregnant at 18!

FlyingCatGirl · 02/01/2026 07:40

ManyPigeons · 01/01/2026 22:58

Korea does NOT look kindly on single unmarried mothers… she will be looking to stay in the UK or to marry him I should think. Time to get used to her OP…

Edited

Would it be that straightforward though, I don't think the authorities are keen to encourage sham weddings for the sake of getting visas.

But yes going back to Korea would also be challenging because the baby is mixed race and that could impact how people in Korea view that baby.

Imdunfer · 02/01/2026 08:13

FlyingCatGirl · 02/01/2026 07:40

Would it be that straightforward though, I don't think the authorities are keen to encourage sham weddings for the sake of getting visas.

But yes going back to Korea would also be challenging because the baby is mixed race and that could impact how people in Korea view that baby.

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I think the authorities might have trouble claiming that was a sham marriage. The young man sounds as if he is in love, quite possibly the mother too, they will shortly be the parents of a baby and a baby is a normal trigger for marrying. I'm struggling to see on what basis they could claim it was sham?

FlyingCatGirl · 02/01/2026 08:35

Imdunfer · 02/01/2026 08:13

I think the authorities might have trouble claiming that was a sham marriage. The young man sounds as if he is in love, quite possibly the mother too, they will shortly be the parents of a baby and a baby is a normal trigger for marrying. I'm struggling to see on what basis they could claim it was sham?

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Being together a short time plus the obvious illegality of her staying here beyond studies and it would have to be a bloody fast wedding. It's far from a normal situation, I'm half wondering if they wanted the pregnancy just as a way to try and keep her here.

The other thing is that people always assume a baby will be born healthy but what if the baby is born with disabilities or complex needs! What if the baby needs an adapted home to live in.

RedToothBrush · 02/01/2026 10:03

Imdunfer · 02/01/2026 08:13

I think the authorities might have trouble claiming that was a sham marriage. The young man sounds as if he is in love, quite possibly the mother too, they will shortly be the parents of a baby and a baby is a normal trigger for marrying. I'm struggling to see on what basis they could claim it was sham?

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Its not really a relevant point.

You have to apply for a spousal visa from OUTSIDE the UK. She would HAVE to leave the UK for a period to apply.

You then have to prove:

You are in a genuine and eligible relationship
You and your partner’s combined gross annual income is at least £29,000.
You have suitable accommodation in the UK
You meet the English language requirement: at least level A1 for your first visa application

Even if you are married you still have to prove that it's a subsisting relationship.

Evidence for this includes

potential cohabitation evidence OR a clear explanation of why you are living together currently and how you plan to live together
frequency of contact being regular enough to demonstrate a relationship
Photos to prove you've met and how your relationship has developed over time.

A baby is pretty good evidence in itself BUT there's still obvious problems here. If she leaves the country is she taking the baby with and if she does there's no guarantee she will get a visa and be allowed back in the country, though the son may have the right to challenge the baby's removal from the UK.

The lack of cohabitation and future plan to live together due to lack of financial independence and lack of income is the overriding problem here.

SALaw · 02/01/2026 10:18

RedToothBrush · 02/01/2026 10:03

Its not really a relevant point.

You have to apply for a spousal visa from OUTSIDE the UK. She would HAVE to leave the UK for a period to apply.

You then have to prove:

You are in a genuine and eligible relationship
You and your partner’s combined gross annual income is at least £29,000.
You have suitable accommodation in the UK
You meet the English language requirement: at least level A1 for your first visa application

Even if you are married you still have to prove that it's a subsisting relationship.

Evidence for this includes

potential cohabitation evidence OR a clear explanation of why you are living together currently and how you plan to live together
frequency of contact being regular enough to demonstrate a relationship
Photos to prove you've met and how your relationship has developed over time.

A baby is pretty good evidence in itself BUT there's still obvious problems here. If she leaves the country is she taking the baby with and if she does there's no guarantee she will get a visa and be allowed back in the country, though the son may have the right to challenge the baby's removal from the UK.

The lack of cohabitation and future plan to live together due to lack of financial independence and lack of income is the overriding problem here.

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I know someone that has brought his Nigerian wife to the UK and she’s been living here for at least 3 years now. He definitely doesn’t earn that amount, as evidenced by his very low CMS calculated child support payments. He met her only once before they married. 🤷🏼‍♀️

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 02/01/2026 12:33

FlyingCatGirl · 02/01/2026 07:37

Remove the age from the equation, the age isn't the issue and you shouldn't have to be told the obvious! There's are two students still in the middle of studies, no money or jobs, been together just 6 months and she legally stay here if she's not studying! These are major differences from the OPs situation! But you choose to attack the OP even though you don't know why she was pregnant at 18!

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Hunh? Were you trying to reply to someone else?

FlyingCatGirl · 02/01/2026 13:18

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 02/01/2026 12:33

Hunh? Were you trying to reply to someone else?

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I was yes sorry

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 02/01/2026 13:21

No worries @FlyingCatGirl! I was going, “I don’t think I said anything upsetting!?” I’ve already got someone upset at me in the swans thread so I can’t handle MN bun fight on two fronts 😂

FlyingCatGirl · 02/01/2026 13:24

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 02/01/2026 13:21

No worries @FlyingCatGirl! I was going, “I don’t think I said anything upsetting!?” I’ve already got someone upset at me in the swans thread so I can’t handle MN bun fight on two fronts 😂

It was another pillock lambasting the OP for having a kid 18 herself.