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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

881 replies

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 20:01

ByPoisedRaven · 29/12/2025 19:58

No, it's not. It sounds like this is an early pregnancy. In the mother's place, I'd be getting back to South Korea pronto, even if I had to give up my studies, if that's where I wanted to raise this child.

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We’re talking at cross purposes. I’m not talking about her leaving while pregnant. That’s an entirely different scenario than after the child is born.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 20:08

ByPoisedRaven · 29/12/2025 19:57

When she's talked about looking forward to being a grandmother one day (if she did), I doubt she was that specific. I have sons in their 20s and I'd have been blindsided if OP's situation, and I'm plenty old enough to be a grandmother at 52.

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She said in her first post I've always wanted to be a grandmother but not at 38.

ByPoisedRaven · 29/12/2025 20:14

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 20:08

She said in her first post I've always wanted to be a grandmother but not at 38.

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I doubt she said that when sitting around the table and talking about how 'I'm going to love being a gma one day.' I'm sure she didn't see this circumstance at all but it would be unnatural to sit down and say, "I'm going to love being a gma one day but not at 38." That would be weird. If the son is a bit thick, he may have thought OP's generic looking forward to being a gma covered all situations.

ChuisEpuisee · 29/12/2025 20:22

Just out of interest, does it deter any of the more invested posters that the OP hasn't been back for 48 hours?

Theslummymummy · 29/12/2025 20:24

Was OK for you to have a kid at 18 though? If you didn't want to be a grandma at 38 should have waited to have kids. I presume they didn't give a 2nd thought to the age you'd be!

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 21:44

Theslummymummy · 29/12/2025 20:24

Was OK for you to have a kid at 18 though? If you didn't want to be a grandma at 38 should have waited to have kids. I presume they didn't give a 2nd thought to the age you'd be!

Not the only thing they didn’t give a second thought to was it ? Still at uni, nowhere to live, no income, from different countries, and clearly wanting to pass off the responsibility for housing them after the baby is born, to OP. I doubt whether her age at becoming a grandma is the main concern here.

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 21:50

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 19:29

The OP did not say at any point when her degree was finishing. Just that she's doing a post grad - it's very likely that she'll be finished in May or June and will have to go home at that point

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Yes, she did, in her first post. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come September.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 21:55

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 21:50

Yes, she did, in her first post. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come September.

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I've personally never known a post grad to finish in September - I've done two. They generally run from Sept - June

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 21:56

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 21:55

I've personally never known a post grad to finish in September - I've done two. They generally run from Sept - June

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No idea - only going on OP’s info as posted.

Thehandinthecookiejar · 29/12/2025 22:11

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 18:52

Why else would he force OP to open the ‘gift’ in front of everyone else and then suggest in front of others that all three live with OP after the baby is born ? Hee’s controlling OP’s response and making it difficult for her to refuse. It’s clearly manipulative.

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So, no in other words

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 29/12/2025 22:17

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 21:55

I've personally never known a post grad to finish in September - I've done two. They generally run from Sept - June

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My MSc ran Sept- Sept. So did DH’s, both were structured Sept-April, teaching; May, exams; June-Aug, Dissertation; Sept - viva.

TheCheeseTax · 29/12/2025 22:18

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

You tit.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 22:21

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 29/12/2025 22:17

My MSc ran Sept- Sept. So did DH’s, both were structured Sept-April, teaching; May, exams; June-Aug, Dissertation; Sept - viva.

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I didn't do an Msc - post graduate diploma although I appreciate Msc timetables will be different at some unis

Flickaflock · 29/12/2025 22:35

DearDenimEagle · 29/12/2025 11:27

It’s more with a child, isn’t it? On a sliding scale per child .
We went through this for my son to marry his gf from abroad..she had 2 children already, so more income again . well over 30k They have to marry within 6 months of arriving, too.

Considering how short a time they have known each other, I don’t think I’d be jumping with joy. Expensive for her to move here, I don’t know how easy for him to go to Korea. I wonder if they thought it was an easy route to a British passport.
I’d have been annoyed at the Xmas present aspect. And the immaturity of having a baby without means of support in place.

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Since they raised the minimum income from £18k to £29k, it no longer increases with children.

Flickaflock · 29/12/2025 22:36

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 21:55

I've personally never known a post grad to finish in September - I've done two. They generally run from Sept - June

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It’s entirely normal for a one year masters course to consist of two terms of teaching, with the dissertation being written over the summer and submitted in September.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 22:38

Flickaflock · 29/12/2025 22:36

It’s entirely normal for a one year masters course to consist of two terms of teaching, with the dissertation being written over the summer and submitted in September.

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I didn't do a masters as I said above

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 23:22

Thehandinthecookiejar · 29/12/2025 22:11

So, no in other words

Edited
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No what ? It’s an opinion, based on info OP has given, and if you look back through the thread several posters have said the same.

Letterasaurus · 29/12/2025 23:49

If I were the OP I'd be asking my son if he and the girlfriend had considered termination.

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 01:36

Letterasaurus · 29/12/2025 23:49

If I were the OP I'd be asking my son if he and the girlfriend had considered termination.

I would never forgive my mother if she even suggested we consider a termination for our baby/her grandchild.

Italiangreyhound · 30/12/2025 01:48

I would imagine a termination has already been considered. And rejected. I agree @ByPoisedRaven
That of I were expecting a baby and my mum suggested a termination I would be very upset.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 02:18

ByPoisedRaven · 30/12/2025 01:36

I would never forgive my mother if she even suggested we consider a termination for our baby/her grandchild.

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That's up to you - but none of us know that the gf actually wants to keep the baby. Just because the bf has handed over a positive pregnancy test to the family means very little - it's the couples choice - either way

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 02:22

Italiangreyhound · 30/12/2025 01:48

I would imagine a termination has already been considered. And rejected. I agree @ByPoisedRaven
That of I were expecting a baby and my mum suggested a termination I would be very upset.

You might be upset and that's your right - but in certain circumstances family might ask if all options had been considered

I'm not suggesting for one minute that they need to have a termination due to the circumstances they find themselves in - but none of this is going to be easy. He's 20 - potentially no job and no means of supporting this child -and is expecting his mum to take them in

Both of them need to consider how they are going to support this child and where they are going to live - soon

mathanxiety · 30/12/2025 02:42

Hmm1234 · 29/12/2025 10:17

I wonder how her parents will be reacting, probably cut her off financially for bringing cultural ‘shame’ to the family

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I wonder if she even intends telling her parents.

The easiest way for her to solve her problems and start making the money her education promised would be for her to leave her baby with its father (for father, read 'granny') and return to Korea without telling anyone there. It would be a wrench for her, but Korean society is not very forgiving of unwed motherhood.

Italiangreyhound · 30/12/2025 02:47

*mathanxiety8

You normally give very good advice. I cannot imagine leaving a baby with the father and going to another country, under any circumstances. I really hope she does not consider that, for everyone's sake.

Thehandinthecookiejar · 30/12/2025 02:48

Rosscameasdoody · 29/12/2025 23:22

No what ? It’s an opinion, based on info OP has given, and if you look back through the thread several posters have said the same.

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Yes, but I asked if there was any evidence to back up her claim/opinion.