Page 34 | To be shocked my parents treat me and DSis differently

RipsMyKnitting · 2025-12-27T16:43:50+00:00

Xmas day dinner at my parents, me, DH, DSis BIL, 4 grandkids. All having a great time, we all get on well. No dramas at all. My DF let's slip that they've been supplementing my DSis household income for years My DH and I have worked hard and enjoy the security and lifestyle our efforts are yielding. We both have corporate jobs that we don't mind but that we'd happily give up if we could. DSis has always been open about having a different outlook on life and not wanting a high pressure carer and a commute etc etc. She's a yoga instructor and her DH is a self employed landscaper. They have a similar lifestyle to ours and jobs they love and I always assumed they earn well which is obviously great to make good money doing something you love, close to home in hours that suit your desire around work/life balance. But it turns out they don't make good money, they are given financial support by my parents to afford a lifestyle that's on a par with ours. And it seems the reason is it's not really fair for me and DH to have this type of lifestyle and DSis and her family not to. How would others feel? Not sure how I feel, I'm embarrassed to admit I feel a little resentful and jealous. It's obviously my parents money and theirs to spend however I they want but I feel a little hurt, theres been time where we've been stretched, my DH was made redundant a few years ago and had a spell of our of work for several months. There was never any offer of help to us at that point. Happy to be told I'm being petty and jealous. I wish I'd never heard about it. I was blissfully unaware and quite happy for my DSis to have a good life and jobs they loved.

lemonts · 28/12/2025 20:21

junglejunglebear · 28/12/2025 20:21

I'm not being bailed out by a parent while my siblings are expected to be responsible for themselves.

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And?

junglejunglebear · 28/12/2025 20:22

Minnie798 · 28/12/2025 20:19

I think in this case, op's reaction explains why her parents hid it.

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OP's reaction is a totally normal one. If anything, she's been very restrained.

Clockyclockz · 28/12/2025 20:23

They truly do walk among us 😆😆😆

Dymaxion · 28/12/2025 20:24

Judging by some of the replies on this thread, it would seem that this scenario isn't too uncommon ?

lemonts · 28/12/2025 20:24

junglejunglebear · 28/12/2025 20:22

OP's reaction is a totally normal one. If anything, she's been very restrained.

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The OP has had a totally reasonable reaction, the posters of MN on the other hand have been quite unhinged. I suspect this may end up in the daily mail

WeWillWeWillRockYou · 28/12/2025 20:25

lemonts · 28/12/2025 20:24

The OP has had a totally reasonable reaction, the posters of MN on the other hand have been quite unhinged. I suspect this may end up in the daily mail

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Yes, you have been quite unhinged.

thedramaQueen · 28/12/2025 20:25

ILoveLaLaLand · 28/12/2025 20:21

I would ask your parents what their plans are for their will otherwise there might be a bigger surprise coming down the line.

Favoritism is a problem in many families, big and small.

Edited

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True and we’re all assuming that op isn’t the favourite, we actually don’t know, from the sounds of it she probably isn’t but as I said we don’t know the family history. People always think they are not the favourite in families I’ve noticed…

lemonts · 28/12/2025 20:26

WeWillWeWillRockYou · 28/12/2025 20:25

Yes, you have been quite unhinged.

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I am not the one calling the OPs family, cunts, parasites and spongers HTH.

LaDamaDeElche · 28/12/2025 20:27

Wafflesandcrepes · 28/12/2025 20:12

I cannot get over them matching your salary. How childish.

The Sunday Times article is bang on when it talks about parents giving to the child who hasn’t cut the umbilical cord. And let’s face it, your sister hasn’t cut it. She’s older than you, in her 40s and has her mortgage, her car and her holidays paid for by mummy and daddy while she uses her income as pocket money. She’s a child - not a responsible adult.

If it were my daughter, she’d get such a kick up the arse she fly straight into a job (or try harder at the current one.) But I somehow don’t think I will have to do that.

I’d give them all the silent treatment for a while. Say you’ve got ever so much work that it’s difficult to make time for family, friends or indeed yourself.

One more thought: it seems pretty certain that your sister hasn’t made any plans to finance her retirement. Does this mean the inheritance will not be equal between the two of you?

Childish…then you mention giving the silent treatment. Oh the irony!!

ScribblingPixie · 28/12/2025 20:27

After reading your update, I feel really sad about your situation, OP. I wouldn't mention it again - it seems like your parents have buried their heads well and truly in the sand about their behaviour. My MIL tried to do the same for my DH years ago. If he had said yes, I think strings would have appeared later on when she was older. It definitely would have changed their relationship for the worse & not done his self esteem any good either. Better to be the one who is in control of her own life, and is seen that way.

CheeseyOnionPie · 28/12/2025 20:28

Truthfully I would be really angry. All good and well for Dsis to have a lovely job she enjoys teaching yoga, working to her own timetable as well no doubt, but the upshot of having a job you love is sometimes that it doesn’t pay as well a corporate job where you have less freedom and sometimes more stress. She’s been getting the best of both worlds and it’s really unfair.

LaDamaDeElche · 28/12/2025 20:29

ShellyRay · 28/12/2025 20:14

Well, I think it really is their choice what they do with their money. I also think that it's great that you're independent and that your parents think that you're managing well on your own - I bet they're really proud of you.

This!!

ILoveLaLaLand · 28/12/2025 20:29

Minnie798 · 28/12/2025 20:19

I think in this case, op's reaction explains why her parents hid it.

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No it doesn't - OP's reaction was rational, balanced and completely normal.

Her parents are subsidizing her older sister's lifestyle which is a lot less stressful than OP's. I wouldn't call that fair and the fact that her parents and sister kept her in the dark for years shows they also knew what they were doing was not above board.

It's favoritism which always causes problems when it raises its ugly head.

Ifyounevergiveup · 28/12/2025 20:30

Just a few thoughts having read the whole thread in jaw dropped horror…

get therapy from a good source. It puts you in a room where you can say the unsayable and vocalise the unthinkable. You will need professional help in feeling your way through this, I think

i am SO disappointed that your parents didn’t respond with shame and full throated apologies. I can’t even imagine how YOU must feel when I feel so let down by their response

i have no advice, I thought I had parents who were pretty difficult but this is a whole new level. The one thing I know for sure I would be doing would be meeting every invitation or request for assistance with “I’m so sorry and I wish I could, but I have work commitments and I can’t do that”. From now until forever. They clearly believe that work has made you the success that you are, so they can’t complain if you appear to prioritise work over their needs

when I say from now until forever I mean forever. No chores, no elder support, nothing. DSis or nothing would be their choice, with work being my excuse even after I retire!

love to you, OP. They are a disgrace and I wish I could take away the huge hurt. X

thedramaQueen · 28/12/2025 20:32

ILoveLaLaLand · 28/12/2025 20:29

No it doesn't - OP's reaction was rational, balanced and completely normal.

Her parents are subsidizing her older sister's lifestyle which is a lot less stressful than OP's. I wouldn't call that fair and the fact that her parents and sister kept her in the dark for years shows they also knew what they were doing was not above board.

It's favoritism which always causes problems when it raises its ugly head.

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They haven’t been keeping op in the dark for years it’s not her business what they do with their money.. it’s not a secret, it’s not op’s business simple as that.

Whether it’s fair or not is another matter. Depends on so many factors.

WorkingMum90 · 28/12/2025 20:34

RandomUsernameHere · 27/12/2025 17:41

I think it’s totally unfair. The extra money doesn’t mean your sister and her husband have a lifestyle that’s equivalent to yours, it means they have a much better lifestyle without as much stress, hard work, commuting and long hours.

👆🏼 This. The whole situation is wacky!

I would be asking my parents for the same money my sister had already received & to be given the same monthly going forwards. I would use it to take a lovely career break so I could spend more time with my family and/or to reduce my work hours for more family time.

You only get this time with your kids once! It's ridiculous that they feel she deserves this family time & you don't! My husband doesn't even believe this situation is real - why would your parents do this? Shocking!

BufferingAgain · 28/12/2025 20:35

It's that we have a 4 bed house and 2 cars and go on a couple of holidays a year and that sounds like it's become the general in principle benchmark

I understand that they might not want one set of grandkids to live in poverty. But not quite meeting the above lifestyle does not count as ‘in need’.

She explained it started in the beginning when I changed jobs and happened to tell DP/DSis how much I was being paid and they topped DSis up to my salary

Wowsers this is bizarre. So after you do eight years of training and graft, the other one just gets topped up to that for doing naff all.

Poodlelove · 28/12/2025 20:35

How did he let that slip and when did that start ?

GreyBeeplus3 · 28/12/2025 20:37

Have now been able to read a few more updated messages and am thinking
You're not the favourite. Someone on here said that they maybe they've put something aside for you, well I doubt it so using 'how well you've done in life', theyre probably relieved
Your sisters sly and horrible it's all probably a in-joke between herself and parents
But,
You've got to speak your piece and only talk money, what she got in the will you expect too and you'd like proof of everything please also whatever shes being given already it's to be deducted from her inheritance amount
I really feel for you and there's so much more going on than could ever be mustered by this short message
I too had inconsiderate parents who only married because I was on the way so I truly get the indifference; my parents are now dead and died poor so there was nothing to inherit but I'm going to say to you
Make damned sure you get yours
And if they need care
Your sister can take responsibility for all that after what they've given her.
Not you.

lemonts · 28/12/2025 20:40

GreyBeeplus3 · 28/12/2025 20:37

Have now been able to read a few more updated messages and am thinking
You're not the favourite. Someone on here said that they maybe they've put something aside for you, well I doubt it so using 'how well you've done in life', theyre probably relieved
Your sisters sly and horrible it's all probably a in-joke between herself and parents
But,
You've got to speak your piece and only talk money, what she got in the will you expect too and you'd like proof of everything please also whatever shes being given already it's to be deducted from her inheritance amount
I really feel for you and there's so much more going on than could ever be mustered by this short message
I too had inconsiderate parents who only married because I was on the way so I truly get the indifference; my parents are now dead and died poor so there was nothing to inherit but I'm going to say to you
Make damned sure you get yours
And if they need care
Your sister can take responsibility for all that after what they've given her.
Not you.

Seriously what planet are you on? In what world do you think it would be a good next step for the OP to present her parents with effectively an invoice and demands for evidence of their financial transactions 😂Utterly gloriously bonkers!

Wafflesandcrepes · 28/12/2025 20:40

LaDamaDeElche · 28/12/2025 20:27

Childish…then you mention giving the silent treatment. Oh the irony!!

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It’s not childish to distance yourself from people who’ve hurt you.

thedramaQueen · 28/12/2025 20:41

GreyBeeplus3 · 28/12/2025 20:37

Have now been able to read a few more updated messages and am thinking
You're not the favourite. Someone on here said that they maybe they've put something aside for you, well I doubt it so using 'how well you've done in life', theyre probably relieved
Your sisters sly and horrible it's all probably a in-joke between herself and parents
But,
You've got to speak your piece and only talk money, what she got in the will you expect too and you'd like proof of everything please also whatever shes being given already it's to be deducted from her inheritance amount
I really feel for you and there's so much more going on than could ever be mustered by this short message
I too had inconsiderate parents who only married because I was on the way so I truly get the indifference; my parents are now dead and died poor so there was nothing to inherit but I'm going to say to you
Make damned sure you get yours
And if they need care
Your sister can take responsibility for all that after what they've given her.
Not you.

That advice would probably get you cut out of the will!

MeTooOverHere · 28/12/2025 20:41

Carycach4 · 28/12/2025 12:24

How do you reach the conclusion that anyone has ' lied'? Did they deny they were giving the sister money? The fact that vher father talked about it in front of her proves tgat there was no secrecy let alone lying involved.

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SO you think they all accidentally "forgot to mention it" for 15 years?

ILoveLaLaLand · 28/12/2025 20:42

thedramaQueen · 28/12/2025 20:32

They haven’t been keeping op in the dark for years it’s not her business what they do with their money.. it’s not a secret, it’s not op’s business simple as that.

Whether it’s fair or not is another matter. Depends on so many factors.

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It is a secret when parents fund one child's lifestyle and not the other's and fail to mention it for years. It has an impact on the other child whether you want to acknowledge that or not.

OP's parents can spend their money as they chose - we all can.
However, they have chosen to favor one child over the other and now the less favored one is upset which 99% of people would be in the same situation.

PithyTaupeWriter · 28/12/2025 20:43

This is just horrible, I'm so sorry OP. I know what it's like because my parents have always given my sister handouts and not me. One annoying thing about it all is that my sister preaches all this nonsense about not being a slave to the corporate treadmill and all this, but maybe she would if she had to fund her own lifestyle like me?