Anxiety - consultation cancelled due to kids noise

[Kardelen]

So my husband has severe anxiety. He found this private company that offer help relieve symptoms. It’s very expensive but w e thought we would try just incase it helps as nothing else seems to be helping.

unfortunately my husband was struggling with setting up the teams meeting so I was trying to help and kids were in the room.

as soon as it was set up I tried taking the kids out the room but the consultant said she can’t continue like this with the children, and for him to go somewhere private.

we live in flat… so when they continued with the consultation my daughter started to cry in another room so I was trying my best to calm her down.
but the doctor said she can’t continue and ended the phone call.

i don’t know ifs just me but I feel really annoyed? As not everyone lives in a house and can go somewhere private?

especially if they are dealing with anxious people, should they not be a bit more lenient?

Take the kids out next time.

Depends how disruptive the noise was / you can’t have quiet and calm if you can’t hear the other person clearly and feel you need to shout

sometimes the only option is to go out

Instead of trying to take them out of the room you should have just taken them out of the room.

You should have taken the kids out of the home. It's not unreasonable for the doctor to ask for a bit of a calm atmosphere⁹

Why didn’t you take the children outside?

especially if they are dealing with anxious people, should they not be a bit more lenient?

BECAUSE they're dealing with anxious people, they're probably teaching them an important lesson in establishing personal boundaries. Finding a quiet spot to have an important medical consultation is the first step. It cannot be nice to try talking to someone with children shrieking in the background, and someone with anxiety needs to learn how to find space to focus on one thing at a time.

You should have taken the kids out.

Why didn’t you take the kids out?

Yabu

Its incredibly distracting trying to do a consultation with ongoing noise in the background. You should have taken the kids out for a walk/to the park if you don't have suitable space in the home for your husband and the consultant not to be disturbed by family noise

It’s freezing outside and they’re sick. And DH wanted me to be present at the appt due to his anxiety as he forgets things

Is this why your dh has severe anxiety?

And what did your DH think was going to happen with the kids while you're present?

How present were you if you were trying to deal with crying kids?

Lesson learnt...this won't work with the children at home. Reschedule for when they are not there.

Why?

Its not exactly helpful having screaming kids who cant be controlled around someone who is already fragile. Can you get some help with their behaviour? That in itself may help his condition.

Yes definitely. Just feel bad as was paid for and hopefully it will be rescheduled :(

I'm on the fence. I had nhs counselling years ago in person (no video appointments in those days) and i brought my toddler with me as there was no other choice. Counsellor recommended i come on my own but let him come when i explained there was no other option. However if I'm not mistaken you had the option to go out with the dc while the session was happening unless you needed to be there as well.

Maybe you should have postponed the appointment until your husband could have had peace and quiet. Kids’ noise is as disruptive for him as it is for the therapist.

I dont think therapy is usually about taking your mum along unless it's family therapy. He might need to be very brave and try to go it alone. He can write things down if he needs to. The whole set up sounds pretty stressful though regardless of the therapy.

Yeah definitely

Ok op. So, going forward, it isn’t unreasonable for a doctor to want to talk to their patient in a calm environment. It was probably vital to be able to help him effectively. It is also possible that she couldn’t hear him at all with the shrieking.

Yes I guess :( but feeling bad that this happened

Sorry, cross posted. It's a tricky one. How old are the dc? Can they be bribed with screen time and sweets or anything else that is quiet and usually limited.

Because I’m not an anxious person at all, but the whole setup sounds really stressful and anxiety inducing.

But OP, you couldn't control your own children and had them in the room with you.
And then, when, in your words, you "tried" to take them out of the room, at least one seems to have been having an almighty tantrum that could be heard from the other room.
I'd have ended the call too.